Let your kids lose: Success inhibits preschoolers’ selective trust • Hacker News Board

Re: Let your kids lose: Success inhibits preschoolers’ selective trust

#31

Post by NPMaxwell » Sat, Dec 10, 2016, 1:49 PM UTC

ordu wrote: post #10

semi-extrinsic wrote: post #3

Solution: play something that has essentially zero strategy, where who wins is close to random. Like Ludo or Yahtzee. My daughter often wins at Ludo, but it's not because I let her. She also often loses.

Its not a solution, I believe. Random success is not based on decision making skills. Random success will teach child to make random decisions. Just not be afraid to really lose to your child in game which at start equally unknown for both you and your child. Let your child to learn how to win and learn how to learn to win. As an example of such a learning: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11653538 If you or your…

I'm guessing that you meant to type "learn how to win and learn how to lose", which is a great point. Understanding how to move forward happily after failure is a huge asset.

Re: Let your kids lose: Success inhibits preschoolers’ selective trust

#32

Post by marmaduke » Sat, Dec 10, 2016, 1:52 PM UTC

marmaduke wrote: post #2

Idk seems like common sense.

whoa, downboats!

I meant, why does it require a scientific study to understand that lying to small children deforms their worldview?

Re: Let your kids lose: Success inhibits preschoolers’ selective trust

#33

Post by known » Sat, Dec 10, 2016, 2:02 PM UTC

Encourage kids to celebrate their failures

Re: Let your kids lose: Success inhibits preschoolers’ selective trust

#34

Post by jdietrich » Sat, Dec 10, 2016, 2:04 PM UTC

semi-extrinsic wrote: post #3

Solution: play something that has essentially zero strategy, where who wins is close to random. Like Ludo or Yahtzee. My daughter often wins at Ludo, but it's not because I let her. She also often loses.

Option 3: play games with substantial elements of chance and strategy.

Card games are particularly good in this respect, but there are a wide variety of games where a completely unskilled player can occasionally win against a much more skilled opponent.

Re: Let your kids lose: Success inhibits preschoolers’ selective trust

#35

Post by dragonwolf » Sat, Dec 10, 2016, 2:06 PM UTC

jonex wrote: post #30

zaroth wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One experimenter gave accurate clues; the other gave inaccurate ones.... But for half of the children the game was rigged so that ultimately they would find the hidden objects. So one adult was always giving bad advice and one was always giving good advice. But in half the games it was rigged so the child always found the toy even if they looked in the wrong places. The advice from the adults was still always bad and…

But how can advice for winning a game be either bad or good if you will win whatever you do? That's the part I don't understand.

I think the point they were trying to make was that even though the kids had benefitted in earlier games from helpful advice and received no benefit when given unhelpful advice that by being allowed to then succeed in the rigged game the kids failed to acknowledge the value of the earlier advice. This shown by the kids not having a preference for the more helpful person. Though I think the conclusion they are drawing would really depend on the sample size of games a kid was given in order for the kid to be able to distinguish good & bad advice from the game simply being pure chance all along.

Re: Let your kids lose: Success inhibits preschoolers’ selective trust

#36

Post by jdietrich » Sat, Dec 10, 2016, 2:06 PM UTC

marmaduke wrote: post #32

marmaduke wrote: post #2

Idk seems like common sense.

whoa, downboats! I meant, why does it require a scientific study to understand that lying to small children deforms their worldview?

Common sense is decidedly uncommon. Sometimes science affirms a widely held belief, sometimes it refutes common knowledge and sometimes it leads to a paradigm shift. All these discoveries are equally valuable.

Re: Let your kids lose: Success inhibits preschoolers’ selective trust

#37

Post by cheald » Sat, Dec 10, 2016, 2:40 PM UTC

SeanDav wrote: post #29

I was taught chess at age 6 by a national level player. While I have no doubt he never had to try hard to beat me, he never let me win. I was a far better player as a result. While I never won, I was never discouraged, because he would always point out where I had made good plays and where I could have done better, in a very interactive manner. This has got to be one of the best ways to learn.

My dad, while never a national level player, taught me chess, and likewise never let me win. The day that I beat him for the first time was an enormous triumph for me, and I'm happily imparting that to my own kids now. My 8 year old hadn't beat me yet, but his game has developed rapidly and that first win isn't very far off now. I'll offer him advice and help him understand why a given move was good or bad, but his moves are his and his alone.

When he wins, it'll be because he earned it, and I know from experience what a triumph that win will be.

Re: Let your kids lose: Success inhibits preschoolers’ selective trust

#38

Post by sjreese » Sat, Dec 10, 2016, 2:46 PM UTC

You mean the Superman suit I got from Amazon isn't working. Grow, Grow oh ohhh :-)

Re: Let your kids lose: Success inhibits preschoolers’ selective trust

#39

Post by sjreese » Sat, Dec 10, 2016, 2:49 PM UTC

marmaduke wrote: post #32

marmaduke wrote: post #2

Idk seems like common sense.

whoa, downboats! I meant, why does it require a scientific study to understand that lying to small children deforms their worldview?

Exactly!

Re: Let your kids lose: Success inhibits preschoolers’ selective trust

#40

Post by peterbonney » Sat, Dec 10, 2016, 2:52 PM UTC

Very interesting research. Unfortunately we all should have learned by now that it pays to be skeptical of all provocative social science findings until replicated...