Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

theatlantic.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

111–120 of 446 posts

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#111

Post by cwp »

dang wrote: post #55

(Edit: I'm detaching this from https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13101402 and marking it off-topic. That example wasn't a clear enough one to make the point about, because the commenter wasn't being snarky or doing anything particularly wrong. Maybe next time it comes up more clearly I'll try again.) I know it's nitpicky, but please don't use quotation marks when you're not actually quoting someone, and especially…

But... quote marks are grammatically correct. They're the only way to mention words and phrases you're not actually using them.

Yes, the things we write are subject to misinterpretation, particularly when stripped of the their context. But asking people to avoid correct use of punctuation isn't going to make that less likely. Quite the opposite, in fact.

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#112

Post by brazzledazzle »

gohrt wrote: post #94
TheSpiceIsLife wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Something like this, perhaps: For the teens, the psychologist's advice is literally: Well, maybe don't be such a bitch in the first place, Mom.

"literally"?

"Essentially" might fit better. Fitting "distilled" in there might work too.

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#113

Post by maxxxxx »

marcell wrote: post #62

Quoting the article: > "Sarah, put on the green coat or the red sweater. We're going to go out, okay?" Choice among humans increases the likelihood of compliance. And choice isn't important, it's the appearance of choice that's important. I've gotten this exact advice from so many articles and pop psych pieces. Maybe they are written by non-parents or their children are much easier, but it never works for me. My 4 ye…

That's the problem with one-size-fits-all methods. Kids are just different and what worked for one child doesn't necessarily work for another child. Even if you do exactly the same thing.

My girlfriend used to train dogs for a living. She always said "it's the owner's fault, not the dog's". Now we have a Chihuahua who won't listen, doesn't respond to rewards, doesn't respond to punishment. She just does her own thing. My girlfriend is much more humble now. I wish a lot of these child psychologists would have to deal with a difficult child day in and day out, not just once a week. Maybe they would also lose some of the confidence in their advice.

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#114

Post by maxxxxx »

coldtea wrote: post #97
andrewfromx wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

sure, musk has 5 kids! how much time does he get with them vs. work I wonder.

When you have that kind of money you have 10 babysitters, nannies, assistants, cooks, cleaners, drivers etc. And you can get a day off almost whenever you want too.

I love it when they show on TV how brave some superstar is who manages to raise children while having a busy career. They never show the nannies, cooks and cleaning personnel.

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#115

Post by prawn »

junto wrote: post #18

> Tone of voice dictates whether you're going to get compliance or not. "Sarah, put on the green coat or the red sweater. We're going to go out, okay?" Choice among humans increases the likelihood of compliance. And choice isn't important, it's the appearance of choice that's important. Having real choice is not the issue, humans don't feel too strongly about that, but having the feeling that you have a choice makes…

This is also a very effective technique when brushing a toddler's teeth. "Top or bottom teeth first?"

My other tactics for routines are "Which animal should we brush teeth like tonight?", "OK, we're going to brush your ears. Teeth!? No. No, maybe your eyebrows. OK, teeth then." and "Close your eyes and I'll choose your clothes and get you dressed so it will be a surprise."

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#116

Post by andrewfromx »

coldtea wrote: post #97
andrewfromx wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

sure, musk has 5 kids! how much time does he get with them vs. work I wonder.

When you have that kind of money you have 10 babysitters, nannies, assistants, cooks, cleaners, drivers etc. And you can get a day off almost whenever you want too.

yeah right. I'm sure musk thinks, hmmm today instead of working all day on a fun project I think I'll parent! You can't have it both ways. I'm sure musk sacrificed father/kid relationships for work success in a major way. It's not possible to have it all.

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#117

Post by axtscz »

paganel wrote: post #102
SerLava wrote: post #5

> Let’s say you have an adolescent daughter and she says to you, “Mom, you are such a bitch. What have you ever done for me? You only think of yourself.” > The teen may be at the dinner table and just being quiet and not saying negative things. Well, when you're starting out, one of the positive-opposites can sometimes be reinforcing the non-occurrence of the behavior. And you just say, “Marion, it's nice having dinn…

> Let’s say you have an adolescent daughter and she says to you, “Mom, you are such a bitch. What have you ever done for me? You only think of yourself.” Maybe it's because I grew up as a kid in another culture (Eastern Europe) and some time ago (I'm 36 now) but do kids nowadays really call their parents "bitch"? My parents almost never laid their hands on me (the couple of times they actually did I had deserved it)…

No, I'm 20 and from the US, and never would've dreamed of calling my parents a word like this. I mean never. We may of had disagreements but this was one line I would never cross.

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#118

Post by bsder »

"No negative reinforcement" is what gives us kids that run screaming around in restaurants and stores. Sorry, I disagree with an absolute ban.

As a parent, I think that there is something far more important than positive or negative reinforcement. In my opinion, the fact that the child should believe at a very deep level that you are far more stubborn than they are is the single most important thing.

Without that, the child knows they can avoid the consequences altogether.

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#119

Post by SiVal »

llukas wrote: post #75
SiVal wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Punishment might make you feel better, but it won’t change the kid’s behavior. This claim (from the article) is nonsense. I've changed the behavior of my kids countless times with punishment. I realize that the attitude I am supposed to take is that when someone with Ivy League credentials espouses a currently fashionable theory that my own observations contradict, I am supposed to believe the theory and not my own l…

Punishment always changes behavior only when you're looking/enforcing. You'll never know if you police kid enough. Is that your goal?

Replace your first word with "Reward" and re-read it.

My own observation is that both of these claims are partly true but that there is some effect that remains even when they think they are not observed. Parents often see what kids think they don't, so I have empirical evidence of this (as all parents do).

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#120

Post by seanp2k2 »

maxxxxx wrote: post #114
coldtea wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

When you have that kind of money you have 10 babysitters, nannies, assistants, cooks, cleaners, drivers etc. And you can get a day off almost whenever you want too.

I love it when they show on TV how brave some superstar is who manages to raise children while having a busy career. They never show the nannies, cooks and cleaning personnel.

Then we try to sell that story to single moms with low-paying jobs, and tell them to suck it up when they're breaking down due to the stress and unattainability of it.
Post reply on HN