No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems • Hacker News Board

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#81

Post by [deleted] » Sun, Dec 04, 2016, 10:58 PM UTC

SiVal wrote: post #65

theli0nheart wrote: post #38

> Punishment might make you feel better, but it won’t change the kid’s behavior. Instead, he advocates for a radical technique in which parents positively reinforce the behavior they do want to see until the negative behavior eventually goes away. We adopted a puppy a little more than a year ago and this was the exact advice we were given for how to train her. Puppies and little kids are remarkably similar, and the k…

Punishment might make you feel better, but it won’t change the kid’s behavior. This claim (from the article) is nonsense. I've changed the behavior of my kids countless times with punishment. I realize that the attitude I am supposed to take is that when someone with Ivy League credentials espouses a currently fashionable theory that my own observations contradict, I am supposed to believe the theory and not my own l…

[deleted]

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#82

Post by TheSpiceIsLife » Sun, Dec 04, 2016, 11:01 PM UTC

wyager wrote: post #80

dang wrote: post #55

(Edit: I'm detaching this from https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13101402 and marking it off-topic. That example wasn't a clear enough one to make the point about, because the commenter wasn't being snarky or doing anything particularly wrong. Maybe next time it comes up more clearly I'll try again.) I know it's nitpicky, but please don't use quotation marks when you're not actually quoting someone, and especially…

How else are you supposed to indicate that you're rephrasing something someone else said? It's generally pretty clear when something is an actual quote, and putting the quote in italics makes it very clear that it was not actually said.

Something like this, perhaps:

For the teens, the psychologist's advice is literally: Well, maybe don't be such a bitch in the first place, Mom.

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#83

Post by benchaney » Sun, Dec 04, 2016, 11:01 PM UTC

imron wrote: post #70

danellis wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Who is this "we" you're asking on behalf of?

You realise dang helps run HN right?

Obviously he didn't, that is why he asked.

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#84

Post by yarou » Sun, Dec 04, 2016, 11:01 PM UTC

jessriedel wrote: post #57

bmy78 wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's not "tricking", unless you're letting your toddler dictate whether you should leave the house. Toddlers don't have a choice over that; instead, you're giving the toddler a choice appropriate to their level. That helps build their cognitive abilities and takes the focus away from whether they want to leave the house (a choice they shouldn't make), to whether they want the sweater or coat (a choice reasonable for…

You're using a cognitive advantage to distract them from expressing displeasure about something they reasonably don't like. Just because the toddler doesn't have a say over whether you're leaving the house doesn't mean you're not tricking him. If two people are dating, the boyfriend is well within his rights to unilaterally break off the relationship. But if he broached the issue with his girlfriend by saying "Would…

The assumption implicit in your argument is that the relationship is equal (as in the case of a boyfriend/girlfriend). I'm not sure that same assumption holds for a parent and a child, as much as the media tells you otherwise.

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#85

Post by semi-extrinsic » Sun, Dec 04, 2016, 11:01 PM UTC

SerLava wrote: post #16

matt4077 wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's literally not. There's a huge difference between "being a bitch" and "not actively reinforcing the bo.nd with your child."

The teenager is really just a petulant, kind of half-assed adult. The psychologist frames it the same way as the 4 year old, but knows it's really an entirely different ball game. The teenager actually has a functioning long-term memory, for instance. Obviously the theoretical teenager and my comment are exaggerating it, but there's truth in there.

The 4 year old also has a functioning long-term memory. Our oldest (4 1/2 now) often recounts minuscule, random details of events 6-12 months ago that neither me nor my wife had mentioned since.

It's true that most adults have few memories from childhood, but that's something else entirely.

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#86

Post by simplexion » Sun, Dec 04, 2016, 11:02 PM UTC

Why do so many of these child psychologists not have children of their own?

Edit: This is hyperbole. I am talking about this particular child psychologist not having children. I understand it doesn't mean he might not have a great understanding of how a child's mind works but it means he has never had the stress of raising a child and knowing how hard it is to keep your cool with them. Especially when they are as energetic as my own children.

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#87

Post by dang » Sun, Dec 04, 2016, 11:05 PM UTC

danellis wrote: post #67

dang wrote: post #55

(Edit: I'm detaching this from https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13101402 and marking it off-topic. That example wasn't a clear enough one to make the point about, because the commenter wasn't being snarky or doing anything particularly wrong. Maybe next time it comes up more clearly I'll try again.) I know it's nitpicky, but please don't use quotation marks when you're not actually quoting someone, and especially…

Who is this "we" you're asking on behalf of?

HN moderators. I realize that's not always clear, but something in me resists putting "mod" labels beside our usernames.

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#88

Post by simplexion » Sun, Dec 04, 2016, 11:06 PM UTC

manmal wrote: post #28

icebraining wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What if the kid has no interest in talking to you?

Then let her. Would you want to be forced to talk to someone? My benchmark is "What would I feel if my father did this".

Maybe you should think, "What would I feel if my father did this while I was screaming at him, throwing objects at him, and hitting him?"

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#89

Post by yarou » Sun, Dec 04, 2016, 11:07 PM UTC

simplexion wrote: post #86

Why do so many of these child psychologists not have children of their own? Edit: This is hyperbole. I am talking about this particular child psychologist not having children. I understand it doesn't mean he might not have a great understanding of how a child's mind works but it means he has never had the stress of raising a child and knowing how hard it is to keep your cool with them. Especially when they are as ene…

Why are so many economists broke?

Re: No Spanking, No Time-Out, No Problems

#90

Post by hyperpallium » Sun, Dec 04, 2016, 11:07 PM UTC

How can this be applied to internet forums?

In the early/ier days of HN, one response to an unsubstantiated comment was "Can you elaborate?", which shows interest, respect, and gives guidance - instead of a blind downvote (numerically negative feedback).