151–160 of 165 posts
Rosebush Inside by Sean Hayes helped put things into perspective for me when I was probably very lost.
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> that I couldn't WILL myself better (not for want of trying I can tell you). Trying to will myself better didn't work for me either. But medication made things so much worse. I was emotionally numb for a decade because I bought into the thinking that the medication was helping. It allowed me to get back to work, but I lost 10 years in the prime of my life that I'll never get back. Ironically, having so many regrets…
What did the people who told you to take the medication tell you about the issue of feeling numb?
On the meds I was able to concentrate well enough to hold down a job. Concentration issues at work had been the primary reason I got treatment in the first place. And, like I said, I bought into that logic for a while. It was only once I realized that a full-blown meltdown would have been better than coasting through life with no enjoyment whatsoever that I felt comfortable discontinuing medication and trying to figure out another path.
I don't see any way out :(
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On days when it literally takes everything you can muster to drag yourself out of bed and into the shower, 15 pushups just aren't happening. On other days it seems like a walk in the park to blast through 100... so I hear what you're saying. It's just that it's not always just as easy as getting through 15 pushups a day.
I've been in that same boat, being blessed with both bipolar and depression, and although just saying "hey some push-ups will do the trick" is perhaps a bit trivial I will add that even a tiny bit of exercise will help as it releases endorphins that are rather pleasant. Even on really fucking shitty days, I've tried to do a little work out. It's not a work out that will get me buff or anything but that's not the poin…
But the bike, the wind in your face and the physical pain of the endurance is an escape from it all for as long as you can keep going.
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One thing, please, for anyone on this board, or anyone who intends to advise anyone about whether or not they should take medications: Unless you are a doctor, you have no advice to give. Unless you are a doctor and have examined a patient, you have no advice to give except to that patient. I don't care what good or bad experience you personally had with medication; people respond differently, and it does not qualify…
I respectfully disagree. I would agree that someone-that-isn't-your-doctor shouldn't tell people what they should do, but hearing the personal experiences of numerous people that have taken certain medications or had certain therapies is invaluable. This is quite different than "regular" diseases and maladies. The drugs and therapies for psychological diseases aren't well understood and are very hit-and-miss. Like yo…
...in roughly the same way that the personal experiences of numerous people of psychic phenomena, UFOs, and the supernatural are invaluable. Or personal experiences of the safety of commercial aviation. Or that the sky is blue.
Anecdotes aren't data, data isn't always applicable, other people are frequently more concerned with themselves than helping you, and your mileage will vary.
When I got Depressed (capital D, though I was only 4 on a 10 point scale) the hardest part for me was accepting that I needed to take medication, that I couldn't WILL myself better (not for want of trying I can tell you). Maybe some people can think themselves better, but if you are properly depressed, and your doctor is suggesting medication, it's not failing/losing/lessening to take the drugs to correct a chemical…
> that I couldn't WILL myself better (not for want of trying I can tell you). Trying to will myself better didn't work for me either. But medication made things so much worse. I was emotionally numb for a decade because I bought into the thinking that the medication was helping. It allowed me to get back to work, but I lost 10 years in the prime of my life that I'll never get back. Ironically, having so many regrets…
I don't mean to invalidate curun1r's experience, but I do want to make sure that people will not read a post like that and conclude, as I once wrongly did, that they are better off without medication. A bad early experience with a psychiatrist who prescribed the wrong medication for me resulted in this same experience of emotional numbness, and quitting my medication to avoid that was exactly what led me down an extremely dangerous path. It's the single decision I regret the most in my entire life.
For some people, medication really is the best chance of living something approaching a normal life. You may try medication and come to the same conclusion as curun1r, but please do not dismiss the idea out of hand, and if it isn't working well for you, try working with your psychiatrist to make things better, or maybe just getting a new psychiatrist altogether, before giving up.
Author here. Thanks for all the comments, I'm surprised to see so much interest here on Hacker News. I figured this would be one of my posts that collected dust. For the record, my way out of this happened to be psychological, but that doesn't mean I'm against medication. It just didn't happen to be my experience, so I can't comment on it. I try to avoid topics I don't know anything about.
The frustrating part is that my relationship with my wife (who suffers from borderline personality disorder) makes it extremely difficult when she is fighting the new me that is emerging. She needs constant reassurance about going better places in the future and doesn't like that I'm starting to be ok with the present. The other day I tried to get something done but couldn't since she needed to talk for 6 hours on her day off work and the talk wasn't going the way she liked so it escalated and she got suicidal. She keeps arguing with me to go to a big tech company and make enough money so she never has to work and can be at home with the kids all the time but she's been a stay at home mom before and it ends up being her sitting at home stewing with anger and neglecting the kids and the house. It's hard to make real progress when it is met with so much resistance by loved ones
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I too got stuck into a restricted life path because that was a very plausible and effective life drive (the neverending good student). Until it stopped. Gotta realign your priorities (emotional, familial and social balance) and it's surprisingly difficult for a while. It's hard to avoid over specification in life, it's a natural reflex to aim at what seems and feels the best, thinking the rest, scary and annoying has…
Do you or somebody else have an idea on where I could explore this idea further, in terms of books, websites etc…? Having semi-recently graduated University and moved out on my own, I am having quite a few personal issues related to an achievement-obsession that I have been socialized into but which is holding me back from much day-to-day happiness.
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What did the people who told you to take the medication tell you about the issue of feeling numb?
I went through a period of a few years where my medication was definitely helping a lot with the depression, but at the same time I no motivation or desire to do anything (I remember a few times wishing I had the desire to sit down and watch a TV show; I couldn't even bring myself to sit on the couch and stare at the TV) and I really couldn't feel emotions other than sadness and anger. The medication wasn't at fault…
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The meds[1] I had supposedly weren't made to change how you see life, but to numb your emotional response. You lose the ability to feel bad, but you also lose the ability to feel good. Debatable whether that's better or worse, really. Fundamentally, I did have the meds and I did get better. Without a control, I can't say whether I got better because of the drugs, in spite of the drugs, or they had no effect. Consider…
In general, I'd be cautious recommending any type of medication, especially those involving serotonin, to others given how we as individuals react differently to them. For example, the first time that I took SSRI's (a decade ago or so, recommended by my primary care physician), I had a negative reaction, and roughly a year of CBT was a much better solution (with a diagnosis of major depression). Fast forward to a few…