One Road Out of Depression

Trying to will myself better didn't work for me either. But medication made things so much worse. I was emotionally numb for a decade because I bought into the thinking that the medication was helping. It allowed me to get back to work, but I lost 10 years in the prime of my life that I'll never get back. Ironically, having so many regrets for those 10 years clued me into the damaging thought patterns that were causing my depression. My mind was spending too much time thinking about the past and visualizing the future.

A conscious emphasis on being present and living in the moment has done wonders for me. And I only mention this because your comment felt like willing yourself better was the only way to think your way out of depression, which is absolutely not the case. Sometimes perspective matters more than determination.

I'm currently of the mind that the only way to cure it is to stop running and face it head on. Rip out everything that triggers it, rip out every source that adds to it. I understand that there is an element of brain chemistry that is presently considered the root cause of depression. I'm of the mind that this chemical imbalance has an underlying cause and that medicating is only treating the symptom. I've taken the medication route, and it was ineffective for me. I think the brain chemistry is a symptom of an even deeper problem. Our bodies want to be healthy and want to function properly and given the right inputs, they will.

I don't have the answers, I've struggled with this for the past 40 years. I've read about symptoms, treatments, I've read the science, the psuedo-science and the quackery. I'm still of the opinion that there is an underlying cause that isn't presently being considered - depression is on the rise. I'm aware this is just my opinion and that my opinion isn't rooted scientifically. But nobody, so far, knows me better than me - science and doctors included.

I can tell you this without any shred of doubt - if you continue to ignore it, continue to run from it, eventually you will have a weak moment and it will get you. Hopefully it doesn't threaten to rip your life apart as it has threatened to do to me at various points in my life.

Not to mention the fact that I am no longer able to seek professional help for suicidal thoughts. Those, they come unbidden, and I will never be able to be honest or open about it again.