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I went to Nigeria to meet a man who scammed me

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Re: I went to Nigeria to meet a man who scammed me

#161

Post by Sacho »

berntb wrote: post #152
hilop wrote: post #118

Earlier quoted context omitted.

She's paying for companionship. It's basically prostitution. If you don't approve, find someone to give her more comfort than her courtesan does.

I assume that was written by a secondary account from someone here. It seems to be a common way around the HN demands for civility... :-( Regarding the victim, my guess would be on early stages of dementia and/or emotional trauma after becoming a widow. But if I would discuss this with a victim, I would try bringing up the psychology of a scammer. First in general terms, like the Nigeria letters, then the specifics a…

The post seemed pretty civil to me, just straight to the point. Everyone else is trying to solve the problem by banging a hammer into the nail more - maybe THIS way will help you show her it's a scam.

In my opinion, it's worth considering that she is aware(at least on some level) that this is a scam, and she just doesn't care, because she's too traumatized, because she longs for companionship, or whatever else reason. It's impossible to know without having a deep insight into michael_h's life, but it's worth considering.

Re: I went to Nigeria to meet a man who scammed me

#162

Post by robteix »

ryporter wrote: post #149
hilop wrote: post #115

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why don't you or family scam her first, and then give the money back slowly? The thing about Nigerian 419 scammers is that , like most companies, the people you deal with are low wage call center employees, not the ringleaders who get the profit

That's not a bad idea. A family member could offer to help the next transfer by personally delivering the cash, just to make sure that such a large transfer is safe.

Wouldn't that constitute theft, though? The intented recipient is stealing, for sure, but if she wants to send the money and you pretend to deliver but keep it...

Re: I went to Nigeria to meet a man who scammed me

#163

Post by nkrisc »

logicallee wrote: post #114
nkrisc wrote: post #104

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I imagine she has almost certainly not met anyone in person, that's how these scams work.

Sure, but how do you believe someone loves you and is going to marry you without seeing them? Buy her a ticket so she can find out

People believe all sorts of irrational and outlandish things without a shred of proof, or even with proof to the contrary.

Re: I went to Nigeria to meet a man who scammed me

#164

Post by logicallee »

nkrisc wrote: post #163
logicallee wrote: post #114

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sure, but how do you believe someone loves you and is going to marry you without seeing them? Buy her a ticket so she can find out

People believe all sorts of irrational and outlandish things without a shred of proof, or even with proof to the contrary.

There is proof to the contrary that "startups work" and that working for equity is a good use of someone's time. I still believe it. It's kind of irrational and outlandish.

When I work on startups with others, this isn't a scam.

So your terms "irrational", "outlandish", "without a shred of proof" or with "proof to the contrary" is insufficient. You need to come up with a more polarizing differential that can differentiate between a dyed-in-the-wool scam and love amidst sketchy-ass finances.

Re: I went to Nigeria to meet a man who scammed me

#165

Post by Broken_Hippo »

michael_h wrote: post #145
Broken_Hippo wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is the scammer in the US our outside of it? If he is in the US, can you press charges? If he is outside of the US, can she articulate the wedding plans in more detail? Has she looked into immigration law and things like that? Does she have a passport? Have they met? If not, how does she intend on meeting him? Which country are they going to get married in - and will the marriage be legal both places? I mean, I met my…

Lot of questions. Not sure where he is located. She says that she met him for dinner twice in one week. At that point, I think she had given him $90k, so even if he was not local, the incentive to fly out for a week would be pretty high. As for plans, they are characteristically nebulous and not well thought-out. I don't think 'thinking realistically' is going to help. When his VoIP number gets shut down, he messages…

Some of the questions are truly more from someone with experience doing the non-scammy version of 'online dating then marrying' thing. Was more thinking perhaps these sorts of questions might at least get her mind going in the right direction or make things over more quickly. I wound up switching countries, though, so the questions reflect that.

The whole situation really sucks, and I hope she finds her way out. Must be really difficult watching the whole thing.

Re: I went to Nigeria to meet a man who scammed me

#166

Post by astrodust »

gotofritz wrote: post #85
michael_h wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The first day he messaged her, we told her it was a scam to take window's money. Four months later, when we discovered she had been talking to him in the intervening months, we showed her a few websites that detail exactly how the romance scam works (matching her situation exactly ). Last weekend, when we found out all of her money was gone, we had the police and adult protective services come out and tell her point…

Are you a geek? Is there no way you can start impersonating him and telling her you've been lying to her etc

Maybe DDOS the scammer somehow.

Re: I went to Nigeria to meet a man who scammed me

#167

Post by astrodust »

fraev wrote: post #86
michael_h wrote: post #53

My mother in law is currently $150,000+ deep on a Facebook romance scam. I believe she's about to send him another $200k or so when her house is sold. Instead of living out her retirement in relative comfort, she will be scraping by on social security. Adult services can't help, because moonshot-level stupidity is not a mental disorder. She can't live with us, as she can no longer be trusted. She can't live on her ow…

Hack her computer and prevent any further communication.

Lock it up in storage, refuse to hand over the key.

Re: I went to Nigeria to meet a man who scammed me

#168

Post by zaidf »

michael_h wrote: post #53

My mother in law is currently $150,000+ deep on a Facebook romance scam. I believe she's about to send him another $200k or so when her house is sold. Instead of living out her retirement in relative comfort, she will be scraping by on social security. Adult services can't help, because moonshot-level stupidity is not a mental disorder. She can't live with us, as she can no longer be trusted. She can't live on her ow…

At the moment, I'm afraid I'm unable to muster the empathy necessary to understand how you could even begin to help the scammer.

Is there anyone who can still empathize with her? Strategize with them to help her. Make them the goto person that talks about this topic with her while you are in the background.

One of the biggest lessons in my life that I've learned is if I can't empathize with someone, it is very unlikely that I can help them. Of course, this doesn't mean that I am at fault necessarily. But it doesn't matter who is at fault; the fact remains: if I can't empathize, I can't help (and most likely .

Since realizing this, I've found it much more productive to find someone who can empathize with that person. Often, this someone is a person who isn't as emotionally invested in the situation as you may be. It might be a friend of hers that she used to be close with a decade ago but has lost touch since. It might be her neighbor she loves talking to because he is always agreeable (so when he disagrees for once, she is more likely to listen.) I'd try to make a shortlist of such people in her life and enlist one or more of them to help your mother-in-law.

Re: I went to Nigeria to meet a man who scammed me

#169

Post by zaidf »

michael_h wrote: post #53

My mother in law is currently $150,000+ deep on a Facebook romance scam. I believe she's about to send him another $200k or so when her house is sold. Instead of living out her retirement in relative comfort, she will be scraping by on social security. Adult services can't help, because moonshot-level stupidity is not a mental disorder. She can't live with us, as she can no longer be trusted. She can't live on her ow…

At the moment, I'm afraid I'm unable to muster the empathy necessary to understand how you could even begin to help the scammer.

Is there anyone who can still empathize with her? Strategize with them to help her. Make them the goto person that talks about this topic with her.

One of the biggest lessons in my life that I've learned is if I can't empathize with someone, it is very unlikely that I can help them. Of course, this doesn't mean that I am at fault necessarily. But it doesn't matter who is at fault. The fact remains: if I can't empathize, I can't help.

Since realizing this, I've found it much more productive to find someone who can empathize with that person. Often, this someone is a person who isn't as emotionally invested in the situation as you may be. It might be a friend of hers that she used to be close with a decade ago but has lost touch since. It might be her neighbor she loves talking to because he is always agreeable (so when he disagrees for once, she is more likely to listen.) I'd try to make a shortlist of such people in her life and enlist one or more of them to help your mother-in-law.

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