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Lost Diamonds: How our current system is failing underprivileged talent

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Re: Lost Diamonds: How our current system is failing underprivileged talent

#81

Post by cheez »

simplemath wrote: post #78
mixmastamyk wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, now you can forgive yourself and be proud of what you've accomplished and will continue to.

Internalized fear of abandonment, shame, and undervaluing of self-worth... Takes years of work to undo, even after you've made it. My story is similar to the parent comment - not as severe, but close. I'm doing well now, but I suffer deeply from impostor syndrome and am constantly waiting to be fired, or cast out or sent back to the bread line, even though, rationally, I know that these are not likely, or even possib…

Fuuuuck dude.. You elaborated more eloquently than I ever could have.

Reality: I've been making more than $200K USD since I was about 27

Mentality: I'm one day away from being homeless.

I've been in therapy for 5 years but I've never touched this thought process yet. I think I need to.

Re: Lost Diamonds: How our current system is failing underprivileged talent

#82

Post by danbolt »

tajen wrote: post #73

I'm in France and I sometimes notice that USA articles focus only on underpriviledged talent . Why only the talents? It's a bit like rape is fought against, except in prisons because they're lower-grade citizen. Or like articles describing unwarranted violence from the SWAT teams: "The family was playing poker, they got busted for illegal gaming, 3 died" will trigger fewer reaction than "The SWAT team killed the dog.…

> Not everyone is cute, but everyone needs to be saved.

I logged back in after months to upvote this comment. We often fall short of our ideals, but their value is still worth striving for.

Re: Lost Diamonds: How our current system is failing underprivileged talent

#83

Post by mixmastamyk »

simplemath wrote: post #78
mixmastamyk wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, now you can forgive yourself and be proud of what you've accomplished and will continue to.

Internalized fear of abandonment, shame, and undervaluing of self-worth... Takes years of work to undo, even after you've made it. My story is similar to the parent comment - not as severe, but close. I'm doing well now, but I suffer deeply from impostor syndrome and am constantly waiting to be fired, or cast out or sent back to the bread line, even though, rationally, I know that these are not likely, or even possib…

Of course, life is difficult and we continue on. "Giving back" can help. If the rational mind cannot persevere, perhaps consider therapy. Nothing to be ashamed of.

Re: Lost Diamonds: How our current system is failing underprivileged talent

#84

Post by [deleted] »

ryandrake wrote: post #26
trjordan wrote: post #3

I wish I could remember where I read this, but I once heard it explained to me as this: It's easy to deride the journey of the rich college student: 80-hour internships at Goldman Sachs, unpaid positions in government, etc. But, the things that are done by successful people are hard, as hard as walking a tightrope. The difference is that rich students walk this tightrope over a bed of pillows. Poor students walk it o…

I knew someone who was so aggressively proud of their success, having founded and grown a successful business. He'd talk your ear off about how people like him were the ones adding value to society and how unsuccessful people are just lazy and don't try hard enough or don't take enough risks, or are just deadbeats, and how successful, hard working people are punished with taxes--you know, the standard soapbox speech.…

[deleted]

Re: Lost Diamonds: How our current system is failing underprivileged talent

#85

Post by pessimizer »

roel_v wrote: post #41
dbshapco wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think it is the feeling that you can't mess up that this references and which persists. My past was a single mother, deadbeat dad, welfare and food banks. Now I have a comfortable six-figure income and have been employed for over two decades. I still feel like I'm one bad break away from being on the streets.

I grew up in a stable working class family where I was encouraged to study, and feel the same way. Why do all articles like this assume it's related to an upbringing in poverty?

Because if you belong to a stable middle class family, it's not only not true, but has never been true for you for a moment?

Re: Lost Diamonds: How our current system is failing underprivileged talent

#86

Post by jccalhoun »

trjordan wrote: post #3

I wish I could remember where I read this, but I once heard it explained to me as this: It's easy to deride the journey of the rich college student: 80-hour internships at Goldman Sachs, unpaid positions in government, etc. But, the things that are done by successful people are hard, as hard as walking a tightrope. The difference is that rich students walk this tightrope over a bed of pillows. Poor students walk it o…

As a first generation college student who is now an adjunct professor, I woulds extend the tightrope metaphor: many of those who grow up rich have known about the tightrope their whole life, have seen how everyone around them has managed it, and have been trained to do it. Many of us who grew up poor grew up not knowing anything about tightrope walking until we were thrown on it, didn't have anyone to teach us about it because no one we knew had ever done it, and didn't even know how to get to the other end.

Re: Lost Diamonds: How our current system is failing underprivileged talent

#87

Post by allovera »

mixmastamyk wrote: post #67
allovera wrote: post #63

This article had me in tears. I grew up so poor I often didn't have shoes and wore dollar-store flip flops in the winter. Deadbeat dad, opiate addict mother. I was shuffled constantly from relative to relative, friend's house to friend's house. I had some very supportive teachers, including one who paid for my AP tests and SATs. I got an offer to a university in the UC system. Life was looking up! In the last semeste…

Well, now you can forgive yourself and be proud of what you've accomplished and will continue to.

I find the opposite - I'm deeply ashamed about growing up in poverty and rarely admit it. When it comes up, I find it creates distance between myself and my co workers. They get uncomfortable and I always feel like they think I am judging them somehow.

I don't seem poor anymore: thousands of dollars on dental care, I dress OK, I have a fairly polished accent now. I don't talk to most of my family. My old friends live several thousand miles away and their world of drug abuse, poverty, and dysfunction is now one I only experience via the occasionally post I read on my Facebook feed.

The PTSD remains -- the anxiety attacks in the middle of the night when I think I hear yelling, the flinching and heart palpitations when a co-worker sneaks up on me as a joke. I feel ashamed to mention this as well, because PTSD seems to have become a fashionable affliction to claim to have, like Celiac disease. I look for all intents and purposes like a normal 20something white girl. The few times I mentioned PTSD I actually saw someone eye roll. They don't know about flashbacks to homeless shelters, finding people OD'd in bathrooms, being attacked for just existing.

I think the social circles I now move in have made all of this unmentionable. I am glad the author of this piece is at least bringing it up and talking about it. The isolation I feel among co workers and friends now is often very intense.

Re: Lost Diamonds: How our current system is failing underprivileged talent

#88

Post by AdamFernandez »

I can attest this problem is insidious and pervasive through-out society. Not just in the U.S., but globally. Separate from the moral issue of children growing up in disadvantaged environments, this is an economic problem, and a problem for the advancement of humanity. There is so much hidden value in masses of people that have no way deliver this value due to circumstances. I know anecdotally, you can point to individuals who made it despite these setbacks, but this is not the norm statistically by far.

What would happen if we found a way to lift these people up?

How much better off would everyone be economically by the value these hidden 'diamonds' create? (and by everyone I mean even the wealthy)

How much faster could humanity be advancing in general?

From a practical and factual perspective, ignoring this, or just waving it off as 'the best rise no matter what', is so damaging and counterproductive that it is actually holding back everything.

Re: Lost Diamonds: How our current system is failing underprivileged talent

#89

Post by adamnemecek »

cbhl wrote: post #43
ajkjk wrote: post #22

For a year or so I've been keeping an ad hoc record (a text file!), to the best of my ability, of all my financial losses due to personal mistakes - so, moving out of my old apartment a month late was a 1200$ mistake, and dropping and breaking my phone was a 200$ one. I'm also trying to keep track of very risky behavior that didn't become an actual financial loss: driving in NYC during the blizzard last year didn't a…

When I took a problem-solving class in college, they broadly categorized problems into three types (allegedly in increasing order of difficulty to solve): problems that can be solved with money, problems with processes, and problems with people.

Did the class have a book?

Re: Lost Diamonds: How our current system is failing underprivileged talent

#90

Post by drakonandor »

pnathan wrote: post #59
mixmastamyk wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So, what they need is some sort of advocate to show them the ropes. Sounds doable, if approached respectfully. Vaguely reminds me of the book "Rich dad, poor dad."

> what they need is some sort of advocate In brief, because I'm at my day job: no. That is not the right approach. That is the approach that gets one labeled an elitist and a snob. It's not appreciated by the little people you're trying to help. The correct approach is one which maximizes agency. This will have a wider variance of success, but will be received far better.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

The only way some people will learn to listen is by failing on their own.

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