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Introducing “Ask a Female Engineer”

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Re: Introducing “Ask a Female Engineer”

#481

Post by kelukelugames »

houselouse wrote: post #19

> Invite women you work with for coffee No chance of this being misinterpreted. Invite women you work with for coffee and ask what they like or dislike about their day-to-day. If they mention concerns or problems they’re having, ask if there’s any way you could help make it better.

When I join a new team I spend 1 on 1 time with everyone. "Hi, do you want to chat some time? I'm trying to schedule sometime with everyone on the team." I have never been misinterpreted.

On the other hand, a random woman from another department thought I was into her. shrug

Re: Introducing “Ask a Female Engineer”

#482

Post by kelukelugames »

dang wrote: post #336
jasoncchild wrote: post #186

Cue defensive comments from male readers...

Please don't post like this here. It adds noise and, if it has any other effect at all, probably increases the odds of such defensiveness.

I don't understand how anyone can read this thread and not think HN has many "defensive" posters.

Re: Introducing “Ask a Female Engineer”

#483

Post by tedmiston »

houselouse wrote: post #19

> Invite women you work with for coffee No chance of this being misinterpreted. Invite women you work with for coffee and ask what they like or dislike about their day-to-day. If they mention concerns or problems they’re having, ask if there’s any way you could help make it better.

> No chance of this being misinterpreted.

At least for coffee it is less likely to be misconstrued as friendly conversation (not a date) vs afterwork drinks. A (female) friend who previously worked in early stage startups, around 75+% males, in a networking-oriented role said this was a constant challenge.

Re: Introducing “Ask a Female Engineer”

#484

Post by tedmiston »

bjourne wrote: post #394
wrsh07 wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ask everyone you work with for coffee. Please don't omit the women. I've mentored new hires, and in that context it's easy to say, "hey can we get tea and talk about how the first few weeks have been?"

What about asking no one ? :) Some of us prefers to drink our coffee by ourselves.

There's one coffee shop in my city where startup people just all happen to turn up at. I find going there by myself and just casually bumping into others throughout the day is nice without taking up too much time.

Re: Introducing “Ask a Female Engineer”

#485

Post by jean_engineer »

MollyR wrote: post #472
jean_engineer wrote: post #449

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hello, I'm Jean. I didn't answer the first question because I have tele-commuted for a very long time. My entire interaction with co-workers is over email, github, slack, hangouts, etc.

I'm thinking about having a child, and possibly telecommuting. Did you run into any issues that might have been related to gender ? I'm pretty sure I'm not planning to tell them I'm pregnant if I can avoid it.

I have only tele-commuted on teams where most or all of the team also tele-commuted, often from different timezones. Some jobs there was no corporate office even if I had wanted to work in one. It would be much harder to be on a team where most of them are together in an office, able to talk face-to-face. Also tele-commuting is not a work/child-care combination. I have a separate office. When my kids were young, I always had full child care coverage, as though I wasn't there.

Re: Introducing “Ask a Female Engineer”

#486

Post by hnbroseph »

crapolasplatter wrote: post #467
hnbroseph wrote: post #451

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Its not a weaselly question or a strawman. Its a fair and valid question. it's not, because it's unclear, and i demonstrated why it's unclear. you refuse to clarify. "important" in what way? the mechanical exercise of job functions? individual qualia? cultural aspects? something else? "to engineering" in what way? the position requirements of a job? the industry economics? the workforce as a body of humans? the sta…

I clarified, you are just BSing. Sometimes a question is a question. There is no value or purpose added by stating you are female in the title. Clearly all females don’t think alike or have the same experiences. There is nothing wrong with asking why was "Female" added to the title , but not other characteristics such as height,weight,age,color,weight, etc.

there is no specific answer to such an open question, beyond minority genders have distinct experiences (like male nurses). you could just as well be asking why engineer was "added to the title" but not other characteristics.

Re: Introducing “Ask a Female Engineer”

#487

Post by andrepd »

Programmatic wrote: post #462
andrepd wrote: post #344

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No, because it's a universal tongue-in-cheek way to state you want to have sex. "Cup of coffee" to "I want to fuck " however, is a stretch.

http://explosm.net/comics/2034/

Once again, inviting someone over to your place for coffee after a night out isn't the same thing as inviting a coworker for a cup of coffee in the middle of the day.

Re: Introducing “Ask a Female Engineer”

#488

Post by monksy »

fasdf wrote: post #130
houselouse wrote: post #19

> Invite women you work with for coffee No chance of this being misinterpreted. Invite women you work with for coffee and ask what they like or dislike about their day-to-day. If they mention concerns or problems they’re having, ask if there’s any way you could help make it better.

This did happen to me once. I asked someone to a general get-to-know-you coffee and she spent the next two years mentioning her boyfriend to me and even mentioning a couple of times that she liked me as a friend but didn't want to date me. I thought it best not to mention that my interest in dating her was equally low.

> couple of times that she liked me as a friend but didn't want to date me

The correct response for that would be.. "Don't worry, you're not my type."

Re: Introducing “Ask a Female Engineer”

#489

Post by wrsh07 »

bjourne wrote: post #394
wrsh07 wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ask everyone you work with for coffee. Please don't omit the women. I've mentored new hires, and in that context it's easy to say, "hey can we get tea and talk about how the first few weeks have been?"

What about asking no one ? :) Some of us prefers to drink our coffee by ourselves.

Look at the context: what is a non obvious way one could help a female engineer? Mentoring them. That might include checking up on them eg perhaps by chatting over coffee. At the least, if you are mentoring male colleagues (even informally), you should try to give similar guidance to your female colleagues.

I don't care about your coffee habits. There is a conversation happening, and you're responding to only one part of it.

Re: Introducing “Ask a Female Engineer”

#490

Post by Whitestrake »

Chris2048 wrote: post #419
Whitestrake wrote: post #317

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It does seem to me that calling it female-rejected is a more accurate way of framing this topic. Addressing it this way doesn't diminish or invalidate the issues people have with this state of affairs. And it still allows people to constructively ask the question, when a desire to increase the diversity within tech workplaces is present: How do we make tech more attractive to females? "Male dominated" is, yes, techni…

> doesn't diminish or invalidate the issues people have It depends what those issues are > still allows people to constructively ask the question.. How do we make tech more attractive to females? Why is this of value? If tech as it is isn't attractive to females, why dress it up? Do we do the same with any other field? The word "dominated" or "domination" does have a slight stigma attached.

Sorry for the late reply.

> It depends what those issues are

Not really. Female rejection implies and is consistent with male domination, it's simply addressing the root cause rather than the symptom. It doesn't claim to change the situation at all.

> Why is this of value?

First, let me stress that this is not a cause I've picked up for myself, so I'm not the ideal person to ask.

However, within this thread there are sources that show measurable benefits to increased diversity in the workplace. As I wrote in the very sentence you partially quoted:

> when a desire to increase the diversity within tech workplaces is present,

What I'm saying here isn't that the question needs to be asked, merely that addressing the issue in this way doesn't preclude people who DO want to ask it.

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