61–70 of 148 posts
It takes guts to take the first step and seek help. I'm still trying to muster up the courage myself.
Typically, when I edge down this path, I de-clutter my life. Stuff weighs you down more than anything else, and it's a constant drain on your energy and money. Stop doing things that are unnecessary, get rid of some stuff you don't / won't use, and generally purge your life of everything that really doesn't matter. It'll free up a lot of free time, and likely money-pressure too. Once you've got that, take your new-fo…
> Typically, when I edge down this path, I de-clutter my life. Stuff weighs you down more than anything else, and it's a constant drain on your energy and money. Stop doing things that are unnecessary, get rid of some stuff you don't / won't use, and generally purge your life of everything that really doesn't matter. It'll free up a lot of free time, and likely money-pressure too. Thank you for confirming what I was…
Something else that I have done is keep a "junk journal" where I have taken a picture of all of the stuff that I have sold/donated/given away. After a few years you can look back and go "Wow...I really had a ton of crap"
It's funny how we think we own stuff, but it can really own us.
I became severely depressed as a result of a combination of things. Studying 2 degrees at once was fine, however in the last 2 years of my university work my father died from heart attack and my brother committed suicide shortly after.
I'm pretty sure I had a breakdown at one point, there is about 8 months of my life I don't remember living.
Anyway, I spoke to my doctor, he put me on Prozac which I've been on ever since. Magic stuff.
That combined with taking care of myself both physically and emotionally has kept me going.
Also, I found that it is true, talking to friends about your troubles does help. You might be too proud to do so, but trust me, the alternative is far worse.
I'm also mid 20s, and feel about the same. You should discuss with your girlfriend, what kind of life you two wanted to live. Plan carefully, and don't think too much, it will stress you instead.
This is a huge issue in its own right. She knows exactly what kind of life she wants to live, I think I know (and is inline with hers) but can't feel sure about anything .
1. Get in a situation where you can balls out fight. I prefer jiu-jitsu but did TKD for a while too. We live in a controlled, over analyzed society. You talked about going to a shrink. That's valid but consider the alternative - you are so controlled and repressed that what you need is to get on the mat with someone else and just struggle/wrestle/fight. You'll know inside 1 minute if this is what was lacking. If its wrong, you are bruised but only out a free class.
2. Plant roots, literally. I live in suburbia. A little "grow your own veggie by the window" kit was more depressing than fulfilling. I'm not sure what it was, but something inside me snapped. One too many fake plastic meals out perhaps. I bought $1000 worth of dirt and had it dropped on my driveway. I went to home depot and with the help of my lovely wife, measured out and bought wood and stakes. I worked all weekend outside, in the sun, in the rain, hauling dirt, figuring out how to plant stuff without killing it (mixed initial results). It was a lot of time to think. It was also hard and frankly, it was very nice to sit back down to work on redmine tickets. Best of all, a whole garden sprouted up and we had food for weeks that WE grew. Since then, my backyard has become a huge orchard as well as a home owners association show down in the making. It makes me feel connected to life and growth. It makes me feel like I stake my rugged individualist claim. Likely its more me playing in the dirt in the back yard, but it settles me down and centers me.
3. Catholic mass. I was raised Baptist and am now agnostic. As a kid, I attended three churches destroyed by infighting and backstabbing. I'm not really thrilled with Christianity, or at least Jesus's current merry band of salesmen. None the less, go sit in a Catholic mass once a month on a random week night. Its great. So peaceful. It gets you out of your shell. Best part, no baptist style "welcome the guests" stuff at most masses. Just a bunch of people running through the ancient traditions and singing nicely. I would advise you pass on the free bread and wine though, in case it turns out its all true.
4. Your Relationships. Are they solid? Are they long term oriented? I'm not sure if its a skill or a choice or what, but everyone I know that's happy is a long term relationship builder.
My sincere best wishes to you. Push on!
Nothing gives you perspective and connects you with real life than... real life, as most of humanity lives it. Get out there and spend six months or a year just floating. I think you'll find that eventually you see the point of things back home, that you'll remember what is important to you.
And when you come back, everything will be new, and you'll be you.
That, or get yourself some Paxil.
How much are you spending per month, in what country? Because it's actually cheaper, including airfare, to live for a couple months in somewhere inexpensive. You can live an extremely nice in Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand for between $150 and $500 per month. It's $5 a night for a crummy room, $10 for a pretty nice room, $1 per meal for decent local food, $2 or $3 for higher end Thai food or Western food. Massage $5 to $10. Fairly cheap to go swimming, free to visit temples, short taxi ride $1. $20 for the weekly Thai boxing match if you're into it.
I spent three weeks in Chiang Mai, and think I spent $500 all-in. That's $200 for my room, maybe $10/day for food and tea is another $200 (was having lots of really nice tea and lots of fruit shakes, the actual meals and snacks weren't expensive, a bag of roasted peanuts is like 20 cents for instance), then maybe $100 for a few taxi rides, a boxing match, and a few massages.
Traveling breaks me out of a funk, helps me get a perspective. It's good because just being in another culture I feel like I'm "doing something" - learning some of the language and customs, constantly doing math for conversions on the currency, and so on. It carries pretty well into work and is good for getting inspiration to do more creative/speculative work that's not on a deadline or straightforward.
Most inspirational places I've been, not in order - Tokyo, the rest of Kansai, Taipei, Barcelona, Amsterdam (if you like art or a party scene, and can handle bad weather), London, New York, San Francisco, the more remote provinces of China, Chiang Mai in Northern Thailand, Dubai, Toronto, Florence, Southern France. Some of those are cheaper than others. If I had a gun to my head and absolutely had to get something creative done in the next 30 days that was important, I'd head to Barcelona or Taipei I think.
Different places appeal to different people, but hitting the road's frequently been the answer for me when I've been confused. I usually buy a one way ticket and just work my way around a part of the world, taking trains and boats whenever I can instead of flying, eating where local people eat, trying to stay away from tourist areas, getting into nature or the local art/culture, making friends, and so on. But the best part of all is you can actually save money while doing it if you don't mind slumming it, eating cheap, living somewhere not nice - I'm fairly simple, so I wind up spending less money when I'm in most places than I would've spent living in New York, Boston, Los Angeles, or London, which are the main cities I've hung my hat over the last five years. If you're somewhere a bit expensive, it's pretty cool to save money by subletting or ending your lease, and then spending a lot less somewhere else. Feel free to drop an email or post here if you've got questions - I recommend kayak.com for flights, and hostelworld if you're looking for cheap accommodation. Get a private room if you can afford it though, it's bloody miserable when you've got people who are drunk/sick/coughing/oblivious in a dorm room with you, but hey, I did plenty of that when I was younger, and you'll still survive...
Edit: I'll also second the recommodations for cleaning up a diet, exercise, and martial arts, all of which are good. Inspirational books are good too - I just finished "Open", Andre Aggassi's autobiography, which was pretty incredible and highly recommend. Easy, very exciting reading.