Ask HN: Are you happy, well-rounded? (dealing w/ depression/lack of motivation)

My diet is good already, but I feel like I should relax it a little bit (more social drinking, maybe a little more junkfood) as it will help me be less pre-planned and more free-flowing and social. I consider myself introverted (as many guessed and seemed clear), but am not stereotypically introverted: I have many close friends and don't have ridiculous anxiety attacks when meeting people. (Sometimes I do though).

http://github.com/raganwald/homoiconic/blob/master/2009-05-0...

I'm sorry that isn't a grand, unified answer to everything, but if it helps you even a little I would be delighted.

I developed anxiety and depression when I was in college. Part of that was a feeling I wasn't achieving anything of note, or learning anything worthwhile. I had thought undergraduate education would be a splendid ivory tower, but it turned out most of my peers did not prioritize a sense of adventurous learning or a delight in knowledge. I learned a mismatch between reality and expectations can drive you, but also cripple you if it is to great.

I think your decision to see a psychologist is a good one. I saw a psychiatrist and it helped me recover and develop a functioning and enjoyable life. Also, make sure it's a psychologist you work well with. Don't settle for one that you don't work well with.

Also, it is difficult to know if a decision will make us happy in advance. We can develop a feeling of knowing in advance, but it's not always there to guide us.

A lot of people will say, exercise, go to therapy, take a vacation. The thing to remember is that you are unique and your solutions will be unique. And that you are not alone. We all get lost.

I'm in a different situation: 22, dropped out of school to start a company, etc. But, I have committed myself to developing a satisfying general lifestyle (getting there) so, maybe there are some overlaps.

Here are some thoughts:

1. In the moments when I feel most stuck and unmotivated it is usually because there is something looming over me that I "have to do."

It's taken time, but developing the mindset that I truly do not _have to_ do anything has allowed me actually drop the anxiety and become truly excited about my work.

What are your expectations about what you _should be_ doing? Maybe if you ease up on them, you'll find a new wave of motivation along a new path.

2. It sounds to me like you, more than anything, need some exploration in your life. But, you are afraid of the risks.

My suggestion here is to take time to define clearly what you are afraid of, what the worst case scenarios are and how to sidestep them.

Additionally, lighten physical and mental load. Can you and your girlfriend sell the bulk of your stuff, tie down any loose ends and explore the World without making any living commitments for a few months?

3. Set small challenges daily (2-3), write them down every morning along with the very specific next action that you need to do to get the ball rolling.

When you complete all your challenges, put a big red x on the calendar. With each challenge, you will feel better and better and as the red X's grow, it will be clear how much you've accomplished.

(Someone else suggested exercise, that is a great daily challenge.)

4. I write ~1600 words daily in MacJournal, just a total brain dump. I don't worry about spelling, grammar or paragraphs I just type. I very rarely go back and read old ones.

Somehow, just the act of typing through my thoughts, getting them out and throwing them around has had an incredible impact on my mood, motivation, etc. I feel like my own therapist.

5. I think Steve Pavlina's book, Personal Development for Smart People, is one of the most complete and impactful books on improving your lifestyle. In particular, there are some great thoughts on finding your purpose on life. Highly recommended.

Again, props to you for grappling with these emotions and talking about them publicly. Keep exploring them with others.

Feel free to get in touch with me to discuss more, I'd love to hear how things pan out!

i would recommend thinking intensely about ways you can serve others (not just your girlfriend or immediate family, but strangers in your community and even beyond). volunteering at local non-profits, hospitals, or other organizations where you can directly impact people's lives might be able to mitigate this quarter-life crisis of yours. and by volunteering, i don't mean volunteering to make a website or install Linux for your local organization ... i mean doing something in person to directly interact with people in a helpful way. if you can selflessly give your time and energy to directly helping others without expecting anything in return, then you might be able to expand your mental horizons and get 'un-stuck' from this local minimum that your current mood is on.