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Ask HN: Failed interview, feeling unemployable and depressed – what do I do?

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Re: Ask HN: Failed interview, feeling unemployable and depressed – what do I do?

#151

Post by arc_of_descent »

I can understand the depression. I was unemployed for 4 months in 2014, and went through a major depression.

I couldn't even muster the energy to look for a new job, just the thought of looking into my Vim editor made me feel miserable.

That said, I came out of it. You will too. I'm now coding like crazy :) Please go see a doctor. I did, and stayed in hospital for 4 days so that the doctors could conduct all kinds of tests on me. I was diagnosed with major depression. I took some meds (still taking them), started walking daily, and soon got out of it.

Also try meditation. Its wonderful. And some Yoga.

Re: Ask HN: Failed interview, feeling unemployable and depressed – what do I do?

#152

Post by isuckatcoding »

Hey OP. Just wanted to say I know how you feel and I am going through the exact same thing (also at a "big 4"). Been interviewing for nearly 6 months now and I always get caught off guard by those technical puzzles.

I've basically accepted that I'm a terrible programmer and come to terms with mediocrity but that said I'm just going to keep learning and making stuff.

The other thing I've noted is that San Francisco is this weird and overly competitive bubble. For instance, my experience applying to Seattle startups has been phenomenal. Most of them don't make me do the scrutinizing live code thing but rather give me a day or even a week to finish a very simple but realistic project. (I know there bad examples of this practice out there but usually these projects have been very small and take at most 2-3 hours).

Anyway, keep trying and don't forget that you're not the only one struggling. Also, the fact that you actually get to write code and submit pull requests already makes your job sound better than mine haha.

Re: Ask HN: Failed interview, feeling unemployable and depressed – what do I do?

#153

Post by zer0gravity »

You need to step back a little and look at yourself not as a programmer but as a human being.

When you try to value yourself strictly through the feedback from your peers you may lose yourself.

You need to have an internal compass as well, that will allow you to respect yourself for what you are, a human being, a creator in this ocean of possibilites we call life.

You need to shout to yourself : "My life matters, my life has value!" , and it's the value YOU give to it.

Reflect on your values, on what matters to you, what you want from this world, forget the others for a moment. Just stay with yourself, be gentile and compasionate with yourself. You don't have to correspond to what other impose on you. Don't try to live up to a false image.

Just enjoy the things you like for now. You will feel better.

Re: Ask HN: Failed interview, feeling unemployable and depressed – what do I do?

#154

Post by palerdot »

You are suffering from depression. So all your thoughts should be taken in that context.

PS: I'm also suffering from depression. But I have learnt to take my thoughts relative to my current mental condition. That doesn't make things any easier but gives a solid mindset to see through things.

Re: Ask HN: Failed interview, feeling unemployable and depressed – what do I do?

#155

Post by unabst »

Just assume you have depression and seek external professional help. You can afford it!

When you're depressed you won't perform well. Depressed people have darkness following them around and people will avoid you. So you're caged in with your thoughts, but they just get darker, because you're depressed.

All signs point to depression.

> Death doesn't seem so bad anymore.

Healthy minds never see this as an option. Suicidal thoughts are a sickness, never a forgone conclusion. How else would it end up under "side effects" on a label?

Re: Ask HN: Failed interview, feeling unemployable and depressed – what do I do?

#156

Post by [deleted] »

ChuckMcM wrote: post #102
eropple wrote: post #15

Hey, OP. Impostor syndrome sucks. Everyone has it. This industry is a bunch of nerds (and this part is not pejorative, I am one) who spent most of their lives being identified by how smart they were and they are culturally incentivized (and this one is pejorative, because tech culture is trash, but it's not your fault unless you perpetuate it, so don't!) to be desperate to win the approval of their peers by how bulgi…

This is excellent advice, I'd like to emphasize one point that gets missed a lot, change the game. The basis for the negativity here is a "score" which you, the OP, have scored in a way that makes you feel like a loser. Try not to get suckered into that. It is really hard to do but write down all of the things you aspire to. It can be trivia knowledge it can be computer languages known, it can be chemical constants m…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: Failed interview, feeling unemployable and depressed – what do I do?

#157

Post by neeraj1987 »

ChuckMcM wrote: post #102
eropple wrote: post #15

Hey, OP. Impostor syndrome sucks. Everyone has it. This industry is a bunch of nerds (and this part is not pejorative, I am one) who spent most of their lives being identified by how smart they were and they are culturally incentivized (and this one is pejorative, because tech culture is trash, but it's not your fault unless you perpetuate it, so don't!) to be desperate to win the approval of their peers by how bulgi…

This is excellent advice, I'd like to emphasize one point that gets missed a lot, change the game. The basis for the negativity here is a "score" which you, the OP, have scored in a way that makes you feel like a loser. Try not to get suckered into that. It is really hard to do but write down all of the things you aspire to. It can be trivia knowledge it can be computer languages known, it can be chemical constants m…

Absolutely brilliant advice. Sort off in the same boat as OP (though not so much on the depression front), but I am going to give this a shot; write down things that specifically make me feel valuable in a company and see if the list aligns with what my company/boss thinks.

Thanks!

Re: Ask HN: Failed interview, feeling unemployable and depressed – what do I do?

#158

Post by bdcravens »

There's a lot of money to be made in companies other than the big 4 or 5. Those companies tend to have crazy programming puzzles because everyone is bought into the value. Smaller companies don't have time for that crap - they need to solve problems, not validate their CS degrees. It's a damned power trip, and you'll only be solving those kinds of problems in your job 5% of the time. If you can move past the idea that you need to work at a big 4 to be valuable, there are some really amazing opportunities out there.

I'd recommend doing some mentoring on a site like CodeMentor. Working with some young blood and re-experiencing the pure joy of writing code to do things is quite invigorating.

Please sit down and discuss things with your wife. "it's unacceptable" is a very concerning statement to me, and sound more like a business partner than a loving partner.

At the end of the day, you are intelligent. You are valuable.

Re: Ask HN: Failed interview, feeling unemployable and depressed – what do I do?

#159

Post by solipsism »

unabst wrote: post #155

Just assume you have depression and seek external professional help. You can afford it! When you're depressed you won't perform well. Depressed people have darkness following them around and people will avoid you. So you're caged in with your thoughts, but they just get darker, because you're depressed. All signs point to depression. > Death doesn't seem so bad anymore. Healthy minds never see this as an option. Suic…

Healthy minds never see this as an option. Suicidal thoughts are a sickness, never a forgone conclusion.

That's a bit too broad of a statement. This kind of thinking is hurtful to the Right to Die movement. There are people in situations such that suicide is absolutely an option to a healthy mind.

Re: Ask HN: Failed interview, feeling unemployable and depressed – what do I do?

#160

Post by powmonk »

Yeah, that sucks. You seem to be in a really bad place mentally though, which is going to massively amplify any feelings of rejection, so bear that in mind when you're beating yourself up. You could just be down. I found that getting help, reaching out and realising I had a problem was the biggest step in getting better. I still get depressed from time to time but I can see the signs now so it doesn't ruin my life anymore.

As for the interview, so what? Keep trying. It took multiple interviews for me to find the right fit. Not getting the job doesn't mean you are shit or worthless. Those puzzles are of questionable validity anyway, maybe the interviewer was a bit crap.

Either way, rejection is part of life, you need to pick yourself up and keep trying until you find the place you need to be. That's going to be near impossible if you're depressed though, and it sounds like you are so look for some help.

Good luck

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