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What Great Listeners Actually Do

hbr.org

11–20 of 205 posts

Re: What Great Listeners Actually Do

#11
This is why I come to HN..to find articles like this. This defies what you learn at school, because I have been taught numerous times, to nod and stfu when you're holding a convo.

Always interrupt if you have something constructive to say in a casual/business conversation (unless you're in a debate), that's how you gain trust and credibility.

Re: What Great Listeners Actually Do

#12

As someone who has taught and researched listening skills, I found this article very insightful. However, let me add that the simple skills they described at the beginning (not interrupting, saying "um-hum," and being able to repeat back), are still good to teach because they are better than what most people do much of the time. Here's another HN link on listening: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12228062

> simple skills [...] are still good to teach because they are better than what most people do much of the time.

Heck, merely not pulling your phone out is better than what most people do most of the time.

Re: What Great Listeners Actually Do

#13
"People’s appraisal of their listening ability is much like their assessment of their driving skills, in that the great bulk of adults think they’re above average."

Well, the vast majority of people are actually above average drivers. If you got into 0 accidents over the past year, then you are doing better than average.

(Similarly, most people have more legs than the average human)

Re: What Great Listeners Actually Do

#14
"People’s appraisal of their listening ability is much like their assessment of their driving skills, in that the great bulk of adults think they’re above average."

Well, the vast majority of people are actually above average drivers. If you got into 0 accidents over the past year, then you are doing better than average.

(Similarly, most people have more legs than the average human)

Re: What Great Listeners Actually Do

#15

As someone who has taught and researched listening skills, I found this article very insightful. However, let me add that the simple skills they described at the beginning (not interrupting, saying "um-hum," and being able to repeat back), are still good to teach because they are better than what most people do much of the time. Here's another HN link on listening: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12228062

I despise the tactic of repeating back what other people said - it shows me that the other person isn't really dwelling on what I said, or more often in my experience, are using that to distort what I am saying in order to fit a particular agenda. I rather someone not fake listening in that case and wasting everyone's time.

Re: What Great Listeners Actually Do

#16
post #13

"People’s appraisal of their listening ability is much like their assessment of their driving skills, in that the great bulk of adults think they’re above average." Well, the vast majority of people are actually above average drivers. If you got into 0 accidents over the past year, then you are doing better than average. (Similarly, most people have more legs than the average human)

Most people also think they're a better-than-median driver.

Re: What Great Listeners Actually Do

#17
post #13

"People’s appraisal of their listening ability is much like their assessment of their driving skills, in that the great bulk of adults think they’re above average." Well, the vast majority of people are actually above average drivers. If you got into 0 accidents over the past year, then you are doing better than average. (Similarly, most people have more legs than the average human)

Depends on what sort of average. We might consider medians instead (with some way to make sense of these against the general backdrop of a non-continuous distribution).

Re: What Great Listeners Actually Do

#18
post #13

"People’s appraisal of their listening ability is much like their assessment of their driving skills, in that the great bulk of adults think they’re above average." Well, the vast majority of people are actually above average drivers. If you got into 0 accidents over the past year, then you are doing better than average. (Similarly, most people have more legs than the average human)

There are many factors other than the number of accidents that also contribute to driving skill.

Now, if some holistic measure was also skewed in a similar fashion, you would still be correct. But that would require further analysis to demonstrate.

Re: What Great Listeners Actually Do

#19

This is why I come to HN..to find articles like this. This defies what you learn at school, because I have been taught numerous times, to nod and stfu when you're holding a convo. Always interrupt if you have something constructive to say in a casual/business conversation (unless you're in a debate), that's how you gain trust and credibility.

This depends on the person talking. In work situations I have dealt with some (rare) people who will just talk over you if you try to politely insert a suggestion or a question.

Very occasionally, the right response is to interrupt them impolitely. Much more often the best thing is to let them finish. It's an almost passive-aggressive solution, but sometimes it's the best you can do.

Re: What Great Listeners Actually Do

#20
post #2

I had a manager once who would say "mmm-hmm" all the time . It was really distracting and actually made it seem like he wasn't listening at all, even if he was actually hanging on my every word.

I have a manager now who spews out information like a water main and instead of natural pauses, they make weird sounds like 'uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and another thing'. They are also extremely hard to interrupt so if there's something they said that needs clarification, it's a pain in the ass to get clarification because they're still speaking at my second attempt to ask a question before diving deeper into the rabbit hole. Ah new managers.
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