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How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

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Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#141

Post by Grishnakh »

fluxquanta wrote: post #126
thanatropism wrote: post #118

LPT though: have friends at work but don't flirt with them. I had a really good friend at work for a while but it always had this flirty undercurrent. We both had SOs, but enjoyed the "office wife/husband" thing (my real wife actually knew about it and was not jealous). Anyway, the flirtationship thing makes you as vulnerable to criticism as an actual relationship, so the occasional sarcastic tirade or bad mood day r…

I would say your caution shouldn't only apply only to flirtatious relationships, but rather any interpersonal relationship at work that becomes too casual. I work in a small shop and was hired as the third developer, about 4 months after developer number two. Of course, Number 2 and I became friends pretty quickly and we would hang out outside of work on occasion. That is, until one day when some totally insignifican…

If you're a software developer, you shouldn't be staying in the same job more than a few years anyway. You'll get more pay by jumping around.

Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#142

Post by thanatropism »

Grishnakh wrote: post #140
thanatropism wrote: post #135

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Welp, a corollary of what I said is that it's better to flirt with people outside of work.

That'd be nice if I had some way of meeting people outside of work, besides dating apps. Are you one of those people who really thinks a grocery store is a place to meet women?

Well, I don't think a grocery store is not a place to meet women, but you could try night clubs.

Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#143

Post by Grishnakh »

thanatropism wrote: post #142
Grishnakh wrote: post #140

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That'd be nice if I had some way of meeting people outside of work, besides dating apps. Are you one of those people who really thinks a grocery store is a place to meet women?

Well, I don't think a grocery store is not a place to meet women, but you could try night clubs.

Yeah, I've tried that: a bunch of drunks and really, really loud and bad music. It isn't very much fun.

Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#144

Post by thanatropism »

Grishnakh wrote: post #143
thanatropism wrote: post #142

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, I don't think a grocery store is not a place to meet women, but you could try night clubs.

Yeah, I've tried that: a bunch of drunks and really, really loud and bad music. It isn't very much fun.

Let me try again: try night clubs that play music you like; that helps a lot in winnowing the playing field and showing women of the type you'd enjoy dating.

But hey, we're talking flirting, right? Finding fuck-friends is probably easier with dating apps; and maybe one of those even converts into a sweetheart. Flirting is really fun though.

Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#145

Post by Grishnakh »

thanatropism wrote: post #144
Grishnakh wrote: post #143

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, I've tried that: a bunch of drunks and really, really loud and bad music. It isn't very much fun.

Let me try again: try night clubs that play music you like; that helps a lot in winnowing the playing field and showing women of the type you'd enjoy dating. But hey, we're talking flirting, right? Finding fuck-friends is probably easier with dating apps; and maybe one of those even converts into a sweetheart. Flirting is really fun though.

Music I like? I've never heard of a night club that plays 80s thrash metal, 70s hard rock, etc. It's always some horrible dance or pop music, or country. I also don't drink (except maybe a half-glass of wine on rare occasion with a nice meal at home), so I really don't see how the nightclub scene is any better at finding someone I'd enjoy dating than a dating app, in fact at least with the dating app I have a chance to find women who aren't alcoholics who listen to shitty music.

So instead, I've been trying (during better weather than current conditions) hiking groups on Meetup.com, since I do like hiking a lot, and would like to find a woman who also enjoys hiking. That hasn't gone all that well; it seems most of the people in these groups are retirement aged. I do see age-appropriate women out hiking, but they're usually with a husband/boyfriend, not in one of these groups. AFAICT, the single women in the age range I'm interested in (30-45) in this area (DC) are not into hiking at all, but they are into getting drunk from what I've seen of them downtown. And from what I've seen on dating apps and OKCupid, the ones who aren't downtown socialites are mostly Trump voters who spend their weekends at the gun range.

Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#146

Post by Grishnakh »

Grishnakh wrote: post #145
thanatropism wrote: post #144

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Let me try again: try night clubs that play music you like; that helps a lot in winnowing the playing field and showing women of the type you'd enjoy dating. But hey, we're talking flirting, right? Finding fuck-friends is probably easier with dating apps; and maybe one of those even converts into a sweetheart. Flirting is really fun though.

Music I like? I've never heard of a night club that plays 80s thrash metal, 70s hard rock, etc. It's always some horrible dance or pop music, or country. I also don't drink (except maybe a half-glass of wine on rare occasion with a nice meal at home), so I really don't see how the nightclub scene is any better at finding someone I'd enjoy dating than a dating app, in fact at least with the dating app I have a chance…

BTW, I also like various classical and especially baroque music. I've never heard of a nightclub that plays Vivaldi or Telemann.

Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#147

Post by alvarosm »

Etheryte wrote: post #16
KaiLe1 wrote: post #7

One of the healthy relationships to have with other people is to unionize and share experiences. It is kind of sick to hear about programmers pulling 60+ hour weeks digging the grave of the fellow next to them because they are not culture-fit or good programmers by their standards. The establishment knows this, that's why it squeezes out of you every penny it can get, getting you to feel that you are the greatest pro…

Was going to upvote you for your other points, but then you came along with the "I'm sure I'll get flagged" nonsense.

sure
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