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How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

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Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#51

Post by galfarragem »

toyg wrote: post #46
galfarragem wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

By experience, the answer is quite easy: when both have the same occupation it gets boring very fast. It's much more enriching having the opportunity to learn about a different field than coming home and continue to listen about the same. Rationally I would never pick somebody from the same field as me.

> when both have the same occupation it gets boring very fast. It gets boring even when your occupations are so alien to each other, that there's little you can share beyond bog-standard office gossip.

If the occupations are so alien to each other probably you wouldn't be attracted by that person to start with. If your SO is eg. an hairdresser probably it is boring but if her occupation is something you would like to know more about, it's not. As an anecdote, my ex was making a thesis in International Relations and at the same time she was taking a Spanish Philology course. I can say to you that I learnt a LOT just by being nearby.

Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#52

Post by galfarragem »

danieltillett wrote: post #50
galfarragem wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

By experience, the answer is quite easy: when both have the same occupation it gets boring very fast. It's much more enriching having the opportunity to learn about a different field than coming home and continue to listen about the same. Rationally I would never pick somebody from the same field as me.

Both my wife and I are scientists (neither of us are working as scientists) and I love this. It is fantastic to be able take a background knowledge base for granted.

Probably what you like is that she is smart enough to understand what you say. That doesn't imply that she has to be a scientist.

Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#53

Post by SmellyGeekBoy »

galfarragem wrote: post #33
ramblenode wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would love to see this as an Ask HN.

By experience, the answer is quite easy: when both have the same occupation it gets boring very fast. It's much more enriching having the opportunity to learn about a different field than coming home and continue to listen about the same. Rationally I would never pick somebody from the same field as me.

Or just don't spend too much time talking about work? I find there are plenty of other things to talk about. :)

Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#54

Post by SmellyGeekBoy »

Jean-Philipe wrote: post #43

> Call your grandma, friend, dad, girlfriend, anyone A bit offtopic, but the author seems to assume you are a straight coder guy. This was probably not his intention though. Why not replace "girlfriend" by something more neutral, like "your better half"? Being inclusive doesn't cost much, really.

Why not replace "grandma" with "grandparent" as well? I know I won't be calling my grandma any time soon, even if I wanted to!

Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#55

Post by thisone »

bowmessage wrote: post #2

What's it like to date / be married to another programmer? I've always wondered if this would help or hinder the relationship.

from the responses it sounds like there is no one answer for everyone with this. It depends on the person that you are and the person that your partner is.

Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#56

Post by thirdsun »

galfarragem wrote: post #33
ramblenode wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would love to see this as an Ask HN.

By experience, the answer is quite easy: when both have the same occupation it gets boring very fast. It's much more enriching having the opportunity to learn about a different field than coming home and continue to listen about the same. Rationally I would never pick somebody from the same field as me.

That strikes me as a very general and blanket assumption. To me the correct answer, as so often, seems to be...it depends. Mostly on how both parties handle the situation of having very similar interests, which might as well be a blessing.

Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#57

Post by kraftman »

Jean-Philipe wrote: post #43

> Call your grandma, friend, dad, girlfriend, anyone A bit offtopic, but the author seems to assume you are a straight coder guy. This was probably not his intention though. Why not replace "girlfriend" by something more neutral, like "your better half"? Being inclusive doesn't cost much, really.

Your comment seems to assume only straight coder guys can have girlfriends.

The author is just giving examples of people you can talk to, if it just said 'Call your girlfriend' that would be different.

Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#58

Post by what_the_hell »

Jean-Philipe wrote: post #43

> Call your grandma, friend, dad, girlfriend, anyone A bit offtopic, but the author seems to assume you are a straight coder guy. This was probably not his intention though. Why not replace "girlfriend" by something more neutral, like "your better half"? Being inclusive doesn't cost much, really.

He also assumes you don't have a grandad or a mother, that's cruel

Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#59

Post by Jean-Philipe »

kraftman wrote: post #57
Jean-Philipe wrote: post #43

> Call your grandma, friend, dad, girlfriend, anyone A bit offtopic, but the author seems to assume you are a straight coder guy. This was probably not his intention though. Why not replace "girlfriend" by something more neutral, like "your better half"? Being inclusive doesn't cost much, really.

Your comment seems to assume only straight coder guys can have girlfriends. The author is just giving examples of people you can talk to, if it just said 'Call your girlfriend' that would be different.

No. I actually thought it, but I assumed the author would refer to straight guys as an audience. I might be wrong though. I didn't not make any assumptions about his actual audience, only about the author's perception.

Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#60

Post by Philipp__ »

Jean-Philipe wrote: post #43

> Call your grandma, friend, dad, girlfriend, anyone A bit offtopic, but the author seems to assume you are a straight coder guy. This was probably not his intention though. Why not replace "girlfriend" by something more neutral, like "your better half"? Being inclusive doesn't cost much, really.

I think everybody got the point. The dude was writting blog about keeping healthy social life, not sexuality. If we keep splitting it to atoms, it would be pretty distracting experience for writter of any blog post. Being a little bit inclusive doesn't cost much, but it could cost a lot if you go by your logic for every other thing...
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