How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer
1–10 of 147 posts
Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer
#2What's it like to date / be married to another programmer? I've always wondered if this would help or hinder the relationship.
Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer
#3I sometimes wonder how much my life would be different if I never got into this. Programming is such a big part of my life now. I frequently consider how much of my brain power goes to programming; and I have to say it's about 20%. If there were five of me, one of them would basically be a computer.
I wonder what that fifth of my brain would have been thinking about for the past 10 years, if not programming. Maybe it would have been dancing, or painting, or soccer. Instead of context switching into thinking like a computer, it'd be how to move my body around or how to meld colors together. I feel like that would lead to a much more fulfilling life.
I used to program for fun in middle school. It was probably halfway through high school when I stopped programming for fun. It was always that little nagging voice in the back of my head: Play it safe. Programming is an in-demand field! You're good at it! Look at all of that awesome shit you made.
At this point, the only "hobby" I have is programming. I don't even know what else I like anymore.
Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer
#4What's it like to date / be married to another programmer? I've always wondered if this would help or hinder the relationship.
I can tell you from experience that if you do not put effort into remaining cooperative peers, then it can get pretty ugly with each person attempting to earn respect in a more competitive way (that turns out looking like braggadocio to the other party). I am sure that isn't everyone's experience, but it was mine and I am trying my damnest to never fuck that up again because when your significant other(s) are programmers (especially in your domain), you can express yourself fully and the points in this article are essentially moot.
Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer
#5What's it like to date / be married to another programmer? I've always wondered if this would help or hinder the relationship.
I would love to see this as an Ask HN.
Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer
#6I sometimes wonder how much my life would be different if I never got into this. Programming is such a big part of my life now. I frequently consider how much of my brain power goes to programming; and I have to say it's about 20%. If there were five of me, one of them would basically be a computer. I wonder what that fifth of my brain would have been thinking about for the past 10 years, if not programming. Maybe it…
I think it's easy to imagine that we could have been something else; but I suspect that programming, or something substantially similar to it, is probably the only thing you'd be happy with.
Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer
#7One of the healthy relationships to have with other people is to unionize and share experiences.
It is kind of sick to hear about programmers pulling 60+ hour weeks digging the grave of the fellow next to them because they are not culture-fit or good programmers by their standards.
The establishment knows this, that's why it squeezes out of you every penny it can get, getting you to feel that you are the greatest programmer of all.
But to be in a meaningful serious union and fight for your rights means you have to do a lot of soul searching, throw away your smugness and self-righteousness (about how great developer you are) which is not compatible with the capitalist nonsense we face everyday.
I am sure I will get flagged because a lot of readers come from the "Valley" where money is god but don't really care.
Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer
#8One of the healthy relationships to have with other people is to unionize and share experiences. It is kind of sick to hear about programmers pulling 60+ hour weeks digging the grave of the fellow next to them because they are not culture-fit or good programmers by their standards. The establishment knows this, that's why it squeezes out of you every penny it can get, getting you to feel that you are the greatest pro…
I couldn't imagine consistently working 60+ hour weeks. Occasionally for deadlines which nearly always are big presentations I'll work up to around 50 hours, but its rare and definitely not sustainable.
Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer
#9Overall really simple changes to improve our daily life.
This had me laughing: (No, changing your Vim colorscheme doesn’t count as a “different experience.”)
Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer
#10I don't think this problem is unique to programmers. Everyone who works a lot can get into this situation. If you spend 60h a week doing anything, whether you code, or manage people, or lay pipes or sell houses or cut hair, you'll be so absorbed in your work that you can't imagine other people will understand all the intricacies of what you do; and frankly, in the time that's left of the week, one might just be too exhausted to spend quality time with friends and family...