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Praise for Intelligence Can Undermine Children's Motivation (1998) [pdf]

psychology.stanford.edu

41–50 of 166 posts

Re: Praise for Intelligence Can Undermine Children's Motivation (1998) [pdf]

#41
post #16

This is utter bullshit. Let the fucking kid enjoy some self-esteem. Focusing on improving his "motivation" instead of his well-being is manipulative and can backfire in so many ways. Just let him be. Fuck the productivity way of life.

When I was constantly praised for being intelligent, but criticized for my real failings, I didn't got high self-steem. I got instead self hate, and extreme amounts of Hubris, of the sort that I believed myself so intelligent that I could tell a very high ranked government official that she was dumb, without consequences. (I was 15 during that incident, caused some crazy mess)

Re: Praise for Intelligence Can Undermine Children's Motivation (1998) [pdf]

#43
post #2

TL;DR: If you're interacting with a kid, try to avoid saying, "you're so smart!" and instead say, "You've picked this up really quickly" or "you're such a hard worker". If you tell a child they are smart then they will stop trying either because they assume they can get by on their intelligence or because they are afraid of failing and loosing your praise about how smart they are.

But doesn't every praise, every comparison create a narrative for the child. A narrative that the brain learns to lean on and uses to form self-identity ( hard-worker, good boy ect).

for example, Now the child has learned associate praise( and love) with being a hard worker. This is now his framework for his life, a prison he can never escape.

I think this a form of child abuse, to destroy child's spirit with praises, comparisons etc. Yet society sees this a something positive. Why can't children learn for their own enjoyment, kids already have great deal of intrinsic motivation why do we need to praise him.

Re: Praise for Intelligence Can Undermine Children's Motivation (1998) [pdf]

#44
post #2

TL;DR: If you're interacting with a kid, try to avoid saying, "you're so smart!" and instead say, "You've picked this up really quickly" or "you're such a hard worker". If you tell a child they are smart then they will stop trying either because they assume they can get by on their intelligence or because they are afraid of failing and loosing your praise about how smart they are.

I was aware of this research for my first kid. Telling them how hard they worked just gave them an excuse to quit later. "This is too difficult! You said so!"

Kids are hard.

Re: Praise for Intelligence Can Undermine Children's Motivation (1998) [pdf]

#46

Could it not be equally harmful to a smart kid to give them the impression that their intelligence is worthless? It seems there should be a balance where kids retain their motivation while also learning how to make the most of their personal advantages and disadvantages. If a smart kid is always taught the convenient fiction that everyone is exactly the same, then when they interact with an athletic kid who dominates…

This isn't about pretending everyone has the same abilities. It is about focusing reinforcement on the choices and actions a kid takes rather than on characteristics they have.

By reinforcing the action, you help a kid understand that it is their effort that led to the achievement, which encourages the kid to make efforts when she wants something.

Reinforcing the characteristic, on the other hand, suggests that it is the kid's innate characteristics that led to the achievement, which encourages them to defend that identity.

Re: Praise for Intelligence Can Undermine Children's Motivation (1998) [pdf]

#47

Stop trying to game your kids. Praise them whatever. Love, security, praise, attention, just go for it. I doubt very much that all the noise around raising children can be filtered out to be able to differentiate between sentences. Just raise kids with love and fun.

Indeed. Approach your offspring the same way you would (should) approach your friends, partner, or any other relationship.

Do not patronize, and do not try to apply cookie cutter logic. Be nice, be honest and pay attention to their individual qualities.

Re: Praise for Intelligence Can Undermine Children's Motivation (1998) [pdf]

#48
I can confirm that. When i was child, every teacher said to me and my parents that i am so gifted, so smart. And i thought i am so smart that i don't need to spend so much time on school like others. So i missed on school a lot. In high school there were classes on which i was less than 50% throughout the semester. And it was ok, i needed only 2 last weeks to pass all the tests. In last year i did the same, again i needed to do tests because i had low grades and needed to pass whole semester on that tests. But this time there was a teacher of my native language (literature etc) and she told me "I know you will pass the test but you was more than 50% of time absent on my lessons i will not let you take test" and i was shocked. Why? Why she didn't let me take the test, i would pass it. And then headmaster of my school told my parents that "lot of kids are coming every day to school, they learn, they do homework for every class, they are hard workers and then there is your son, gifted, smarter than the rest, he only needs 2 last weeks to learn and pass the tests, he is not coming to class, he is not doing homework, how he looks in contrast to other students? What example he is giving to them? That you do not need to work hard, you only need to be gifted and smart and you can go by. There is no justice in this, we can't make that kind of example, showing that you do not need to come to school, make homework and still get promoted to next year like all those kids that come every day to school, are hard workers, learn, do homework". They didn't promoted me to next class, i needed to repeat it. That was the most valuable lesson i had in that school.

EDIT: What i wrote about lesson was not meant in a good way. As someone said in comments i was punished for being different - that was the lesson.

Re: Praise for Intelligence Can Undermine Children's Motivation (1998) [pdf]

#49
There is an interesting and critical look at Dweck's work on "growth mindset" here:

http://slatestarcodex.com/2015/04/08/no-clarity-around-growt...

http://slatestarcodex.com/2015/04/10/i-will-never-have-the-a...

http://slatestarcodex.com/2015/04/22/growth-mindset-3-a-pox-...

http://slatestarcodex.com/2015/05/07/growth-mindset-4-growth...

Re: Praise for Intelligence Can Undermine Children's Motivation (1998) [pdf]

#50
post #20

He is also fucking lucky... Which helps ! Winning the startup lottery does not equal being a life role model. I would not generalize on such people.

Ha you should watch Thiels talk at SXSW on luck, just to get the whole picture / his context.

^^^ Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZM_JmZdqCw
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