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Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

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Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#71

Post by shivaodin »

5350-uiop-1130 wrote: post #32

I'm 32 and I've had similar thoughts at least since I was 27. A kind of existential crisis tinged with deep boredom and non-clinical depression. I've found 3 things that have helped me deal with my depression/boredom: 1. Have things to look forward to: Always, always find things to anticipate and look forward to in the short and long term. Whether it is something small, like a treat at the end of the day or something…

Do you have a family? A family, an SO or kids is the best way to understand life through other perspectives.

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#72

Post by kilon »

I dont know If I am in your shoes but I am in a similar situation. I am lawyer and my father is a lawyer and the past 5 years my brain went to a lockdown, refusing to work , to make friends, to have a relationship. I tried to push myself through this by changing career since it was obvious I was not happy. It did not help.

Everybody was implying I was suffering from severe depression so I decided to visit a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with dysthymia , a condition very diffirent to depression. It basically means, no motivation to do anything.

So I have been taking drugs, they did not help, however psychotherapy did help me. After a year I realized that my problem was and still is pressure , pressure from my family but also and mostly pressure from myself. It killed my fun and enjoyment , everything became a must do, and brain refused to work under these conditions.

Now with the help of psychiatrist , I try to relearn how to relax and enjoy the process, stop working hard and instead work easy and fun. It works but old habits die last. So it will take years till I am out of the woods but the last year I have been doing psychotherapy at least I see a steady improvement.

We are be taught that we are our brain , but this is simply not true, brain is whole another monster and if you dont take good care of it , it will kick your ass. I wanted to learn this the hard way and so here I am.

So there is hope dont despair, definetly see a psychiatrist and expert advice is always helpful. The rest is up to you , go find what makes you happy and do that, the rest will follow.

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#73

Post by shireboy »

I'd lean toward _not_ going back to school unless you are very confident that 1) you are passionate about a career in X and 2) some time researching/talking to people in career X shows that you would really need to go back to school to do X.

Yes, what you are feeling is common. Some specific advice:

- Don't dwell on it. Let these feelings be annoying and motivation to do something else, but don't let them control you or steer you toward self-destructive behavior or bad decisions (ie lots of debt, drugs/alcohol/etc).

- Do try to move up and out of the funk by working toward a career that you enjoy at least some of the time (there is no perfect job).

- Look for things that you _enjoy_, are _good at_, and _could envision making money doing_. If you already have ideas, pursue them. Even if it's writing a book or doing a training video, blog etc. on the side for now, try. You'll fail at some of it, but some will stick and you'll be started earning an income at something you enjoy.

- If you don't have any ideas, try a bunch of small things and see what sticks. Volunteer at a hospital or food bank or Habitat build. Take a community or online class in web design, art, language, etc. Talk to people in detail about their careers and read about them.

- Make a list of things you try and ideas and rate them by how much you like them. Once you have a list, rate them by how likely it would be to earn an income. That should narrow to a few things you both _could become good at_ and _can earn an income_ doing. Be realistic, but optimistic about both "good at" and "earn an income".

While most of that is about a career, and that is the gist of your question, it's not all about career:

- Find a cheap hobby (hiking, fishing, sketching, etc) and dedicate some time to it.

- Help other people. Volunteer, tutor, or just randomly do charity.

- Find group(s) of people to belong to. A church, civic club, hobby club, etc.

Once you have your potential career, hobby, and volunteering ideas listed, put next steps for them on a calendar a week or a month at a time. Then stick to the calendar. You will have a full life, be helping others, and be working toward something you enjoy.

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#74

Post by ChemicalWarfare »

There's a rather typical "I kicked ass and got stuff done, now what" syndrome which happens to just about everyone to a certain degree.

After weeks/months/years of intense concentration and efforts aimed at achieving a certain goal you're done and that goal is no longer there. This creates a void in your mind and leaves you wondering "now what?". Happens to me after every major project go live, sometimes even after a particularly challenging development sprint.

For me personally the way to "cope" with this is to switch contexts completely for a couple of days up to a couple of weeks (logistics permitting obv)- go camping, fishing, skiing, buy a plane ticket to Europe etc etc.

This is not a universal recipe of course but is something that has worked for me and other ppl I know.

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#75

Post by podcastrank »

What do you mean by being more than just an office person? You can't create an interesting and compelling career out of nothing. Think carefully about who you are aspiring to be (this article can help http://www.artofmanliness.com/2011/02/08/create-a-life-plan/) and act accordingly.

Some other's mentioned the "War of Art" to read. I would like to add "So good they can't ignore you" by Cal Newport to read as a starting point for some guidance.

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#78

Post by legodt »

keeringplastik wrote: post #57
legodt wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Knowledge can have inherent value, and not all countries have the same sky-high college price tags that many privately owned US institutions do. College as career training is a relatively new concept, and not a very solid one at that. Skills can be trained, but higher education can bring much deeper qualities to students. Philosophy, fine art, and other humanities may not be direct paths to employment, but they will…

To be fair, getting a degree in business administration is basically asking for a soul crushing corporate desk job.

I'm with you 100% on that one, although sometimes an MBA is the easiest route to a higher pay grade without leaving a company.
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