Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

It's hard to advise without sounding cliche. It sounds a lot like you just aren't sure what makes you happy. You don't have to answer to anyone but yourself when it comes to your happiness[1], so first off, don't think that there is anything you're supposed to be: you don't have to be an office worker, a millionaire, a philanthropist, an athlete, or anything you don't want. You have no obligation to be happy, or sad, or excited, you should just learn to be content with yourself, and if you're not, to find out what it is that you'd like different. Not because someone else says you should, or you think you should because of something you read, but something you think you really like. It's the same concept behind people trying to lose weight or get into an exercise regime - if you're not doing it for yourself, you are going to burn out.

Take some time and just figure out what it is that makes you feel content, what's close to your ideal self. When you picture yourself in your mind's eye, what do you like about you? What don't you like, and wish were better?

Everyone has little things they wish they could change, but just make sure you're making the changes for you, not to impress others. Be happy for yourself first more than anything.

If the prospect of 8-5 doesn't appeal to you, figure out what would. A lot of us don't really know what we want to do aside from real general vague thoughts. That's the status quo, I think - driven people who have a specific goal and focus are pretty uncommon, and many are directed by their peers.

Give it time - you're only 29, it's not like you're one foot in the grave. I'm 30 and I've been winging it since I was 18 and went to college. By chance I found out I understood technology really well, and without having taken a single technology course, I've learn tons about all levels of infrastructure just by showing employers I could learn. This took me across the US, from a meager support role to a managerial role at a University, and then from there to China and to Russia with my partner. I still don't know what I want to do, but I do enjoy where I am and who I'm with. I'm happy with my health (mostly), happy with what my partner and I get to do for fun (ballet, opera, music, dancing, biking), and I'm learning every day. None of this would have happened if many years ago, I hadn't taken a good look at my life and realized I liked nothing about it. I was out of shape, in a miserable relationship that was leading to marriage, and was about to take office work because I thought I had to - I took a long time to focus just on getting myself to a nice spot, finding what I wanted, and then moving outward towards bigger pictures.

I'm not saying pack up and move to Russia; but what I am saying is figure out what it is you want for yourself. Be a little selfish. (Note: this doesn't mean stop caring about others, it just means that you take some time to really focus on yourself, getting yourself to a state where you are happy) The world is a pretty wonderful place with a lot of cool people, and it's always changing. Find something that works for you, cause I'm sure it's out there.

[1] = though, please make sure your happiness isn't straight up hurting others...

And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings.

I'd say:

* Almost everyone feels like this at some time. Don't worry that you're alone.

* Focus on small things. Get a little thing done every day, mark it off, celebrate that victory in a way that makes sense for you. Keep a list of the stuff you've done. It's very helpful to look back and say, "I applied for these two jobs, and I read this book, and I went on a hike with my mate."

* It's okay to not have it figured out. It's also okay to shift goals. Lots of people say, "I want to travel the world," and find out it's lonely or disconcerting when you don't speak the language; or, "I want to sail across the Atlantic," until they see their first small squall off the coast. It's okay to have a goal, try something and decide, "you know what, that's not for me."

* Don't feel like a failure if you don't fit someone else's mold. For example, if your parents wanted you to have a certain degree, or you listen to the HN echo-chamber of "startups or GTFO, LOSER!" Don't let someone else tell you who to be. It's hard enough to figure it out, it's worse when you listen to them and figure out it wasn't right at all.

* Get plenty of sleep, get plenty of exercise, eat well.

* Keep talking to others. It will help you figure it out. Listen to what you're saying more than you listen to what they're saying to you. You, LITERALLY, will be telling them what you should do to improve your situation. Once you figure it out, you'll be able to work on the first steps.

Good luck.

To be fair, getting a degree in business administration is basically asking for a soul crushing corporate desk job.

I felt that way when I started my first job after a master of IT. I was meat sold to companies, I didn't have leadership because I was a total junior, and I didn't have weight to negotiate.

For the next 10 years, I have remained quite depressed. I have done many cool things [1]. The core of the problem is understanding that, as opposed to nice stories we study, we've understood that those startups don't "change humanity", and 99.9% of us, despite excellent curriculum, will never have the leverage to do what Elon Musk is doing.

As The Doc says: "I'll focus on the other great mystery of Humanity: Women". Don't take it literally, but he means that getting a significant other, becoming meaningful to the people around you, while keeping your health, developing your wealth and casting your ethic and your culture: That's what life is about. The job is only a part of that.

So go find the best job you can, and exercise a little every day to become the best at it. Meanwhile find friends. Develop a network, across the globe, but also in your country, and in your city, through all layers of population. One day visit your local detention center with the family of an inmate, another day set up the Internet for an elderly person. Offer big presents and organize things for your nieces. You'll be a cog like you would have been if you focused only on work, but you'll be a leader in your community.

[1] I stayed 8 months in my first country, came back for a job at home where I stayed 2.75 years, left for backpacking in Australia, 6 months, +2.5 years in an awesome job over there. Came back and created my product, became self employed. People now look up at me and ask me for advice. But it's not a secret that I'be been depressed all along the way.