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All the lonely people
181–190 of 220 posts
Re: All the lonely people
#182[dead]
Re: All the lonely people
#183I don't know Canada well enough yet, but I can tell you what life used to be like in the UK in my mum's time as a kid, around 55 years back in the North East of England. All families lived near each other and you lived near your school. You'd walk home past your nan's house and stop in there or at your uncles. Maybe when you got home your mum was out at the shops - ok go to your nan's a few yards away. Or just go to…
We live in a society heavily oriented around consumption and under increasing pressure from technology... the market mindset has consumed the world. It's debatable whether wandering shrinking families are a symptom or a cause.
You can avoid consumption. You can't avoid the need to sleep relatively near to your work.
Re: All the lonely people
#184The more I read about this, the more weird I think I must be. I've always preferred being alone. My time in San Francisco was utter hell. I couldn't get a moment away from people and noise. Now I live in complete isolation. My nearest neighbor is two miles down a dirt road. I only go into town to stock up on foods, which I vacuum seal and stuff in the deep freeze (enough to last me 3 months at a time). I've never bee…
You're not weird, but you may not feel the same way forever.
Also, there's more to loneliness at an older age - that the article addresses - than just the need for social interaction.
Re: All the lonely people
#185Again, something my grandfather taught me, was that it was important to walk around your neighborhood and say "hi" to the people who lived there. He called it "Being neighborly." We also, periodically but not on a particular schedule, put together a block BBQ where people can bring food, or not, and share a moment together to talk about what is going in or what they are worried about etc. Generally people respond wel…
I think the whole "Block Party" thing works better in smaller places. e.g. In NY, unless you had a BBQ on the roof, it probably wouldn't be possible (and where would you put everyone who turned up?). Similar in London - yes, I could have a block party, technically, but it's all terraced housing, so (a) there would be a lot of people - probably too many, and (b) given property prices, most are probably renters, meaning they probably don't feel a sense of permanence or belonging in quite the same way a homeowner would.
Maybe that's a big part of it? Not just that you have so many neighbours it breaks Dunbar's Number, but that in cities with high property prices, odds are good most of your neighbours will be renting, and perhaps only for a limited time, whereas in smaller cities, you can buy a place, and it's quite possible that your neighbours are going to be your neighbours for 10, 20, 30+ years, versus maybe 1 - 2 years when talking about renting. It's a much bigger return on investment.
Re: All the lonely people
#186Earlier quoted context omitted.
One problem in New York is that the vast majority of people who try to talk to you on the street want something--they're selling something, canvassing for a candidate, begging, creepily flirting or running a scam--and another big segment are under the influence or mentally ill. Usually the best case is a lost tourist asking for directions. The worst case, that everyone's aware of, is someone trying to get you to stop…
I always found New Yorkers to be exceptionally friendly and not in the way you describe (ie wanting something). It's one of the things I love about the place.
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Re: All the lonely people
#187Earlier quoted context omitted.
One problem in New York is that the vast majority of people who try to talk to you on the street want something--they're selling something, canvassing for a candidate, begging, creepily flirting or running a scam--and another big segment are under the influence or mentally ill. Usually the best case is a lost tourist asking for directions. The worst case, that everyone's aware of, is someone trying to get you to stop…
I always found New Yorkers to be exceptionally friendly and not in the way you describe (ie wanting something). It's one of the things I love about the place.
I believe newyorkers are friendly everywhere. Sometimes overwhelmingly so. Its their thing
Re: All the lonely people
#188The more I read about this, the more weird I think I must be. I've always preferred being alone. My time in San Francisco was utter hell. I couldn't get a moment away from people and noise. Now I live in complete isolation. My nearest neighbor is two miles down a dirt road. I only go into town to stock up on foods, which I vacuum seal and stuff in the deep freeze (enough to last me 3 months at a time). I've never bee…
I get that feeling as well, sometimes. Even though I don't want quite your level of isolation, I don't mind working alone or not talking to anyone else in person for days (except my wife). I sometimes think of it as the 'tyranny of the extroverts'. Since they are, well, extroverted, they are the ones controlling the narrative of what's 'normal', while the introverts are too introverted to really speak up. Extroverts…
> I don't mind working alone or not talking to anyone else in person for days (except my wife)
IMO, there's a huge difference about loneliness between not talking to zero people or only talking to one, in particular if that one person is important in your life such as your wife, as opposed to having had a short chat with the cleaning lady in the hall a week ago.
I appreciate that kstenerud was talking about the zero people scenario, and that it's possible to prefer it that way. I think it depends on how well you have the other parts of your life in order?
Re: All the lonely people
#189Earlier quoted context omitted.
Can you relate to the final situation? I hope not... > Bus stops need a lot of place here They need a lot of space :)
Ah yes, space . But I must confess I once waited in my flat to go outside, because one of my neighbours were in the hall.
If that someone were intellectually, sexually or some-other-way attractive, would you have done the opposite and tried to meet up with them? There are a lot of people in the world, some more interesting than others.
Re: All the lonely people
#190Again, something my grandfather taught me, was that it was important to walk around your neighborhood and say "hi" to the people who lived there. He called it "Being neighborly." We also, periodically but not on a particular schedule, put together a block BBQ where people can bring food, or not, and share a moment together to talk about what is going in or what they are worried about etc. Generally people respond wel…
I was also brought up to greet people, but try to greet neighbors in London, UK and they will look at you like you fell from the sky. Most of them will not even give a response. Big cities are a lot like this now.
Not all big cities are unfriendly - I think you'll find levels of friendliness in the UK towards strangers differing depending on the city or area. It is a cliche, but the further North (or even West) you go in the UK, people tend to be more amenable to chatting to strangers or striking up a conversation.