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All the lonely people

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Re: All the lonely people

#41

Post by smelendez »

mrcsparker wrote: post #36
asksol wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was also brought up to greet people, but try to greet neighbors in London, UK and they will look at you like you fell from the sky. Most of them will not even give a response. Big cities are a lot like this now.

Keep greeting them - they will come around. I am from the US South and not saying hello (or waving when they pass by) is considered bad manners. I have done this all my life and people have told me that they like it when someone says "good morning" with a smile. Maybe I am lucky or biased, but I don't care. I like it when people are nice and I treat people the way that I want to be treated. I sometimes have to spend…

One problem in New York is that the vast majority of people who try to talk to you on the street want something--they're selling something, canvassing for a candidate, begging, creepily flirting or running a scam--and another big segment are under the influence or mentally ill. Usually the best case is a lost tourist asking for directions. The worst case, that everyone's aware of, is someone trying to get you to stop walking so they can assault you and/or rob you by force or trickery.

Re: All the lonely people

#43

Post by meddlepal »

mrcsparker wrote: post #36
asksol wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was also brought up to greet people, but try to greet neighbors in London, UK and they will look at you like you fell from the sky. Most of them will not even give a response. Big cities are a lot like this now.

Keep greeting them - they will come around. I am from the US South and not saying hello (or waving when they pass by) is considered bad manners. I have done this all my life and people have told me that they like it when someone says "good morning" with a smile. Maybe I am lucky or biased, but I don't care. I like it when people are nice and I treat people the way that I want to be treated. I sometimes have to spend…

A lot of it's cultural. I'm from Boston and the NYC anecdote resonates with how I operate. If you talk to me on street or on the T or really anywhere i'm not expecting you to talk to me and we don't have some business talking together then I've just been raised to assume you're crazy or asking for something. I feel like 80% of the time it's a good strategy.

Re: All the lonely people

#44

Post by dvanduzer »

afarrell wrote: post #35
asksol wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was also brought up to greet people, but try to greet neighbors in London, UK and they will look at you like you fell from the sky. Most of them will not even give a response. Big cities are a lot like this now.

A big part of the problem is that when you just walk up to someone they don't really know what your intentions are. My wife is actually currently working on this problem though. She is an event planner and has started running meetups specifically for people who are looking to meet new people. It has worked pretty well in the US, but we're actually going to be moving to London (assuming my visa comes through...).

The idea is to make yourself visible as someone who is friendly, so that people approach you. (Granted, this might not be something you want to start out with as a total newcomer to a neighborhood like London.)

Re: All the lonely people

#45

Post by dvanduzer »

stephengillie wrote: post #37
lisper wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I spent two years getting to know many of the homeless people in (what was at the time) my neighborhood, and made a movie about the experience: http://graceofgodmovie.com You should watch it. I think you might be surprised. I was.

One of the problems in activating the homeless population is that they're not a community - most people have a life situation, lose their shelter, have a rough time, get back on their feet, and then can afford to rent again. There are some who live without permanent shelter perpetually, but this community is a small fraction of the overall population, and they have different goals.

Indeed, for any given nomad, you'd have to ask them their goals to know which ones they had.

Re: All the lonely people

#46

Post by meddlepal »

smelendez wrote: post #41
mrcsparker wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Keep greeting them - they will come around. I am from the US South and not saying hello (or waving when they pass by) is considered bad manners. I have done this all my life and people have told me that they like it when someone says "good morning" with a smile. Maybe I am lucky or biased, but I don't care. I like it when people are nice and I treat people the way that I want to be treated. I sometimes have to spend…

One problem in New York is that the vast majority of people who try to talk to you on the street want something--they're selling something, canvassing for a candidate, begging, creepily flirting or running a scam--and another big segment are under the influence or mentally ill. Usually the best case is a lost tourist asking for directions. The worst case, that everyone's aware of, is someone trying to get you to stop…

Yea, totally agree with everything you've said about it being defense mechanism, but the behavior tends to manifest in all aspects of our life and in places where it should not. For example, when I'm sitting in bars and where it's reasonably safe I'm still fairly reserved and I get annoyed when the guy to the left or right of me starts trying to make unsolicited conversation. It's not just me either, when I was younger and first started going out I learned pretty quickly people don't like be disturbed around here any more than I do now.

Re: All the lonely people

#47

Post by wglb »

kstenerud wrote: post #16

The more I read about this, the more weird I think I must be. I've always preferred being alone. My time in San Francisco was utter hell. I couldn't get a moment away from people and noise. Now I live in complete isolation. My nearest neighbor is two miles down a dirt road. I only go into town to stock up on foods, which I vacuum seal and stuff in the deep freeze (enough to last me 3 months at a time). I've never bee…

Well, perhaps you haven't read this: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-f...

I read the article the same way. While I don't disagree that for many folks social isolation is an issue, it isn't that way for everyone. I find that non-introverts don't necessarily quite get it.

Re: All the lonely people

#48

Post by dclowd9901 »

asksol wrote: post #29
ChuckMcM wrote: post #2

Again, something my grandfather taught me, was that it was important to walk around your neighborhood and say "hi" to the people who lived there. He called it "Being neighborly." We also, periodically but not on a particular schedule, put together a block BBQ where people can bring food, or not, and share a moment together to talk about what is going in or what they are worried about etc. Generally people respond wel…

I was also brought up to greet people, but try to greet neighbors in London, UK and they will look at you like you fell from the sky. Most of them will not even give a response. Big cities are a lot like this now.

Living in Portland now after moving from SF. Jarring at first how many people will actually just look at you, and half the time will actually pop a quick "Mornin'" or "Hi" to you. A friend from NYC was here visiting and expressed how much it freaked him out to have people looking at him in the eye -- given his experience, he felt like they were being aggressive or nosy.

Anyway, having originally been from a small rural town in Arizona (where many people just knew each other by last name), it really bothered me how people in SF would seem to actively ignore your existence.

Re: All the lonely people

#49

Post by robryan »

smelendez wrote: post #41
mrcsparker wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Keep greeting them - they will come around. I am from the US South and not saying hello (or waving when they pass by) is considered bad manners. I have done this all my life and people have told me that they like it when someone says "good morning" with a smile. Maybe I am lucky or biased, but I don't care. I like it when people are nice and I treat people the way that I want to be treated. I sometimes have to spend…

One problem in New York is that the vast majority of people who try to talk to you on the street want something--they're selling something, canvassing for a candidate, begging, creepily flirting or running a scam--and another big segment are under the influence or mentally ill. Usually the best case is a lost tourist asking for directions. The worst case, that everyone's aware of, is someone trying to get you to stop…

In Australia what I hate is when people stand outside supermarkets or on shopping strips and say anything to try and get you to stop so they can sell you on something.

This might be okay if it was someone trying to tell you about a cause that they genuinely believe in but the majority of the time it is likely someone just working on a commission for whatever charity or group they are trying to sell you on.

Re: All the lonely people

#50

Post by some_hero-_- »

I was a semi introvert and extrovert guy but after working for one startup for more than 3 years in isolated environment makes me feel like i am fully introvert. There is no one with whom i can express my feelings openly. I don't have friends to hangout, and the most depressing thing is the people of my age have all this thing. What's more awkward is I can't even able to approach people, seems like i forgotten how to interact.

The other reason might be, i was afraid to not look like looser. Most of the people consider me quite successful and showing such weakness in front of society is not acceptable.

I have lot of ideas in my mind but i don't have energy to execute. My bank balance is good but it doesn't bring happiness. I don't have time on my hand. Sometimes i feel like i do sucide but i am strong men.

I don't recommend anyone to start a startup unless he socially fit and not under his early 20s.

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