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Ask HN: How do I deal with the first sexual harassment complaint at my startup?

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101–110 of 622 posts

Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with the first sexual harassment complaint at my startup?

#101

is it really sexual harassment? He tried clumsily to make a move on her and she declined, if he tries again it's a red flag, but if he stop his behavior you have nothing to worry about

Referring to a colleague as a 'milf' is not 'clumsily making a move'. Everyone knows what that's an acronym for. If you start a private chat with a colleague, they tell you to keep it about work, and then you tell them you'd like to fuck them, then you should expect to be fired.

Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with the first sexual harassment complaint at my startup?

#102
post #81

I once worked at a company where my wife was the director of HR. Her boss the president of the company was being "serviced" my a girl in marketing. On day she didn't get a promotion. Then she sued for sexual harresment. The delema put my wife in the hospital. Ruined my marriage. Ruined the ceo's marriage. Ruined the company. Fire them both! Make it very public that you will not tolerate your time being wasted by idio…

Honestly it sounds more like your wife and ceo were the idiots for not not knowing how to handle such a routine situation.

Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with the first sexual harassment complaint at my startup?

#103

Is it sexual harassment B/C he asked her out or B/C he used the term "MILF" or B/C she wasn't interested? Did the whatsapp portion of the conversation occur at work or outside of work? Does your company have a policy that forbids coworkers to date? My former boss dated an employee who worked in a different department. People at work knew and it was not considered a problem. No one got fired or sued. I guess I'm tryin…

If you ask someone out at work and they tell you, 'as friends only' that should be the end of your advances. If you continue past that point and say stuff like, "You're a Mom I'd Like to Fuck" that is clearly into sexual harassment territory.

One polite and appropriate invitation to hang out (to a single coworker) is not sexual harassment. That is usually where the line is. Pushing after the rebuff is almost always trouble.

Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with the first sexual harassment complaint at my startup?

#104
Also it is worth saying that an employee coming to a manager / founder / owner to report a problem "in confidence" is not the same as you not being able to do anything about it. You need to manage that person as well so that they know that they've a) done the right thing b) aren't at fault for whatever the consequences are and c) that you / the company do care about them.

Even if you weren't to fire the person (and as a brand new hire firing seems a better option) then you would need to provide specifics when having the conversations that would follow. Mainly because all you have so far is an allegation, making your mind up (not the same as considering options) beforehand is not good.

Regardless of whether you fire the employee or not the key thing is to prepare for the conversation. If you're a founder speak to your co-founder(s), if you're a manager don't just speak with HR and have them in the room for the meeting but prepare with them. Have your opening statement well rehearsed, consider different conversational flows and how you might react to them. This isn't a thing to do on the fly.

Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with the first sexual harassment complaint at my startup?

#105
post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"I don't want to be seen as a problem, and I don't want this to be a case of management portraying it as 'that guy we love got fired because X can't take a joke'".

What is a manager supposed to do in this situation that does not lead to something along the lines of that? In that case, why bother bringing it up?

Keep an eye on him in case his behaviour persists? What may be reasonable and innocent done once, turns into harassment if done repeatedly, but if one just reports after many events, it's difficult to show the pattern.

Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with the first sexual harassment complaint at my startup?

#106
post #8

I'm not familiar with US customs, so little confused here: is asking your co-worker out is considered a sexual harassment? Or is it the "milf" part?

Not sure about asking a co-worker out, but calling someone a MILF (Mom I'd Like to Fuck) sounds like sexual harrassment to me.

I upvoted your comment. Calling someone you work with and barely know a milf is an asinine move. That said though - she might have led him on when she agreed to move the conversation to whatsapp.

Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with the first sexual harassment complaint at my startup?

#107
post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Would you find it appropriate if a coworker at work came up to you and said they would like to fuck you (which is quite literally what MILF means)

No, but neither I find appropriate if the same co-worker asked for other similarly personal thing/favor out of blue (i.e. "let's meet my parents tomorrow"), but if he/she accepts "no" and doesn't bother me anymore, I would only give a strange look.

But according to what was told, he did bother her after she told him she was not interested in going out on a date.

Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with the first sexual harassment complaint at my startup?

#108
post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What is a manager supposed to do in this situation that does not lead to something along the lines of that? In that case, why bother bringing it up?

Keep an eye on him in case his behaviour persists? What may be reasonable and innocent done once, turns into harassment if done repeatedly, but if one just reports after many events, it's difficult to show the pattern.

I'd argue that calling someone a MILF in the workplace is already harassment. The problem with passively sitting by is that it can introduce more problems down the road because someone can claim that you passively sat by and fostered a hostile work environment. The harasser also has more credence if you only confront him until he does something else because at that point he can claim he didn't know it was a problem.

Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with the first sexual harassment complaint at my startup?

#109
Please get someone from HR involved. Do not immediately fire the employee as this could lead to severe financial problems for you. Despite the peasant with pitchforks in this comment section, wrongful termination / paying unemployment / litigation, etc. is also something you may want to avoid. This employee of yours may not be aware of the policy or the law and is possibly entitled to progressive disciplinary action based on your employment policies (and I disagree with those below that said sexual harassment was somehow equivalent to murder and embezzlement - WTF?). From what I read sexual harassment laws might not even apply to your business if you have fewer than so many employees, I am not a lawyer or an HR professional, so don't listen to me.

The employee did something wrong, no sensible person doubts that, but not necessarily something that allows you to fire them without consequences for you. You need to speak to HR and then if necessary your legal representation.

Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with the first sexual harassment complaint at my startup?

#110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not sure about asking a co-worker out, but calling someone a MILF (Mom I'd Like to Fuck) sounds like sexual harrassment to me.

I upvoted your comment. Calling someone you work with and barely know a milf is an asinine move. That said though - she might have led him on when she agreed to move the conversation to whatsapp.

According to what was told, they moved the conversation to Whatsapp before he asked her to hang out. What would she be leading him on about?
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