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The Science of Making Friends

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Re: The Science of Making Friends

#21

Post by Xcelerate »

I know people keep trying (unsuccessfully) to make startups that help you "find friends", but it would be nice if one of these actually took off.

I currently live in an area where I find it somewhat difficult to make new friends, and I'm not entirely sure why that's the case. Generally speaking, the people where I live are more interested in football/beer than technology/startups, but I actually don't think that is the reason for my difficulty — I am good friends with some football fanatics, and there are some technically-minded people who I can't stand. (And I certainly don't mean to imply that there's anything wrong with football and beer — I merely point out that these are not interests of mine!)

Honestly, I can't quite figure out what causes me to mesh well with some people and not others. I get along great with my girlfriend and my sister, and I can talk to them for hours even though neither is interested in science or technology.

And I don't think it's morals/values either — I'm friends with people whose political views are completely opposed to my own.

If someone can figure out what actually causes people to "click" with one another, then I think a startup for making friends might actually be successful.

Re: The Science of Making Friends

#22

Post by Lockyy »

ljk wrote: post #9
zafka wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To start with, Put contact info in your hacker news profile. Then when you say interesting things, folks who are a bit more shy can contact you directly. Also reach out to those who interest you. Who knows, some of these brilliant generalists might have time to chat.

having contacts online isn't really the same thing as a "friend", right?

There's no reason a single email can't turn into a solid long term friendship if things click. Some of my closest friends live across the country from me after meeting online.

Re: The Science of Making Friends

#24

Post by oolongCat »

>A study published in February in the British Journal of Psychology looked at 15,000 respondents and found that people who had more social interactions with close friends reported being happier—unless they were highly intelligent. People with higher I.Q.s were less content when they spent more time with friends. Psychologists theorize that these folks keep themselves intellectually stimulated without a lot of social interaction, and often have a long-term goal they are pursuing.

Does anyone have a link to this so called study? Funny how in academia you are required to reference everything but when it comes to journalism anything goes.

---edit----

Please ignore my request, I had a temporary brain fart, a Google search helped me find it.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26847844

Re: The Science of Making Friends

#25

Post by vanderZwan »

hodwik wrote: post #4

> "People with higher I.Q.s were less content when they spent more time with friends. Psychologists theorize that these folks keep themselves intellectually stimulated without a lot of social interaction, and often have a long-term goal they are pursuing." Therein lies the rub. Having friends makes you happier, as long as your friends are intellectually stimulating. I've been trying desperately for years to make some…

> I've been trying desperately for years to make some intellectually stimulating friendships, and it's quite difficult.

It used to be easy, until Google killed the social aspect of Google Reader.

I will forever remain bitter about this.

Re: The Science of Making Friends

#26

Post by zafka »

pmarreck wrote: post #20
hodwik wrote: post #4

> "People with higher I.Q.s were less content when they spent more time with friends. Psychologists theorize that these folks keep themselves intellectually stimulated without a lot of social interaction, and often have a long-term goal they are pursuing." Therein lies the rub. Having friends makes you happier, as long as your friends are intellectually stimulating. I've been trying desperately for years to make some…

Always looking for interesting intelligent people, check my profile out and see if you think I might be interesting

Sounds like you might be interesting :)

Re: The Science of Making Friends

#27

Post by cubano »

oolongCat wrote: post #24

>A study published in February in the British Journal of Psychology looked at 15,000 respondents and found that people who had more social interactions with close friends reported being happier—unless they were highly intelligent. People with higher I.Q.s were less content when they spent more time with friends. Psychologists theorize that these folks keep themselves intellectually stimulated without a lot of social…

This TED talk https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good... makes the same point and used data from an 75y study.

Re: The Science of Making Friends

#29

Post by baron816 »

Xcelerate wrote: post #21

I know people keep trying (unsuccessfully) to make startups that help you "find friends", but it would be nice if one of these actually took off. I currently live in an area where I find it somewhat difficult to make new friends, and I'm not entirely sure why that's the case. Generally speaking, the people where I live are more interested in football/beer than technology/startups, but I actually don't think that is t…

I think/hope my start up, Krewe (https://www.gokrewe.com), has found the right formula. I believe the key elements are access and comfort. Krewe places people into a group with five of their peers, making it comfortable to hang out at first. You don't have to single anyone out, it works kind of how things worked in your youth. And everyone lives within a half mile radius, so it's really convenient to meet up often.

As you say, having lots of stuff in common isn't usually the defining factor in what makes people "click." I think most people can get along with pretty much anyone, so long as they spend enough time together. When you're in school, that's built in since you have to show up to class everyday. Krewe makes it possible to hang out with your group everyday since everyone's within walking distance and can get together for a quick beer or whatever.

Re: The Science of Making Friends

#30

Post by jcoffland »

I find it difficult to find friends who are reliable. Many who seem to like me when we hang out are almost impossible to make plans with. They often respond by saying they need to check their schedule. Perhaps it's just a polite no. When we do get together everything is great but it seems so shallow. I have a lot of friends like this.

Beyond the reliability issue I find it particularly hard to find highly intelligent friends. Most of my intellectual stimulation comes from my work but sometimes I find I want more. Many of the people I meet who are intelligent and in my field are socially inept. They can be intellectualy stimulating but deeper friendship is difficult.

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