Death by gentrification: the killing that shamed San Francisco

The message does indicate the state of mind of the responding officers.

* NiceButt(tm) -- See a female jogger butt that strikes your fancy? With a press of a button we'll use your location and a proprietary algorithm to figure out to whom the lovely butt belongs -- and let you instantly browse pictures of that butt from multiple angles in multiple urban settings with varied jogging attire. No more distracted, in-person butt-staring while your unleashed dog intimidates a local minority.

* DogWhistle(tm) -- Is a large, unleashed dog barking and howling at you while its owner is staring at a female jogger butt? Record an audio sample of the bark sound, and our machine-learning, digital-signal-processing algorithm will tell you instantly whether it's a friendly, doggie-needs-a-tummy rub yap, or else the howling harbinger of your death.

* GangColors(tm) -- Is a nearby minority wearing a colorful jacket? Simply upload a picture of the jacket from any angle, and a team of on-call experts will tell you whether the jacket signifies affiliation with organized crime or with an NFL team -- or both!

* GunMeBro(tm) -- Think "Uber for loaded handguns". Do you know that feeling when you want to "stand your ground" -- but you left your hand cannon back at the office? With GunMeBro, press a button and an independent contractor will personally deliver a gun into the palm of your hand -- this way, you can keep staring into the eyes of your interlocutor and wincing menacingly until you have the means to perform an execution-style killing without legal repercussion. (Service only available in Florida.)

* NoYouCall(tm) -- Are you scared of a nearby minority -- but even more scared of having a social interaction with the 911 dispatcher? If your romantic partner refuses to call the police because he thinks it's a bad idea, you can now take matters into your own hands with NoYouCall. Simply take a short video of the suspicious person, and let our experts do the rest! Our on-call team will make a best-guess identification of the person's race, height, and visa status, imbue various possible nefarious motives to their physical movements, and describe the situation to the emergency-dispatch operator in the most harrowing, blood-curdling manner possible. If the cops don't arrive within five minutes -- with weapons drawn and a police helicopter on the horizon -- we'll even refund you 100% of your money! ($0.99 in the App Store and on Google Play)

Sadly, unnecessary death is a growing market -- but tragedy breeds opportunity, and we're planning to expand our offerings in the near future (including PerfectAlibi, a tool to help police departments get their story straight after gunning down unarmed minorities).

Here at BurritoTech we're always "on the lookout" for communications directors, email marketing managers, and ninja-star user experience design professionals -- so if your skills are "in that category of people I would not mess around with", please drop us a line! Send resumes to rememberingnieto [at] burrito [dot] io. Our office is in downtown SF but most of us work remotely from Marin County and more suburban environments.

It goes the other way, too. In Amarillo, where I grew up, some neighborhoods had an influx of Vietnamese working in the meat packing industry; near where I live now, there's a large community of Mexican immigrants doing chicken processing. In both cases, take a wild guess who the police have problems with.