Why I don't want stuff • Hacker News Board

Re: Why I don't want stuff

#121

Post by philh » Tue, Feb 23, 2016, 6:33 PM UTC

markmontymark wrote: post #81

philh wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't like having obligations thrust upon me without my consent. A gift is an obligation: I need to find a use for it, or at least find somewhere out of the way to keep it until I can get rid of it. The way I read your comment, you're trying to replace one obligation with another (find somewhere to give it away). You're telling me that this absolves the first obligation ("they'll understand"), and that I'll enjoy t…

You are filled with what emotions when you: - donate - after talking to a friend you realize you have something you don't want you can give them - talk to a neighbor and realize you can clear out space in a garage or house or shed by giving them something - just throw something in an alley and someone comes by within the hour and happily loads it up in a truck for use or selling elsewhere Sorry if you can't see the p…

That's not the point. If I want to do good, I can choose to do good. I don't want someone else choosing how I do good. If those things are positive, if I feel good about them, then I can do them, whether or not someone has given me a gift I don't want.

Re: Why I don't want stuff

#122

Post by sivers » Tue, Feb 23, 2016, 6:33 PM UTC

colmvp wrote: post #28

People have good criticisms about e-readers like the Kindle. It's not great for technical books. It can be a little laggy and not as sensory compared to paper books. That said, the ability to retake space is soooooo worth it. My Kindle has dozens of books, magazines, and long form articles. Over the long term, I have saved volumes of physical space and pounds of weight. While I miss the physical look of having rows o…

Yes! Well-put! Thanks for bringing this up. I'm Kindle-only these days, and people ask if I miss books. I might, in theory, but you're right besides the convenience, it's the advantage of NOT having all that paper that is so worth it.

Re: Why I don't want stuff

#123

Post by branchless » Tue, Feb 23, 2016, 6:33 PM UTC

rcfox wrote: post #117

branchless wrote: post #41

I fight against this all the time. It's simply impossible due to all the guilt involved. I do not want anything for xmas/birthday. My wife always wants to get me something and makes me feel like a killjoy. This is perhaps manageable. Bigger problem is I have 2 kids who get invited to parties. I have to take the birthday boy/girl something. Fine - but this means it's reciprocated. Valentines day recently. Used to be f…

> Coming over for dinner? They bring a (bad) bottle of wine that I now have to get rid of. I'm not a drinker myself, but I always assumed that people brought wine to dinners with the intention of drinking them at that dinner. Shouldn't that take care of getting rid of it?

Often it's bad because the people I know aren't rich. That's fine, I'd rather they just brought themselves.

If it's bad why spoil dinner!

Re: Why I don't want stuff

#124

Post by sridca » Tue, Feb 23, 2016, 6:33 PM UTC

I have a similar arrangement (live in a furnished apartment, don't own stuff, etc) except there is no gift problem - as in my culture (India) reunions are more common than gift-giving.

Example: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thai_Pongal#Kaanum_Pongal

Re: Why I don't want stuff

#125

Post by chc » Tue, Feb 23, 2016, 6:33 PM UTC

VLM wrote: post #15

austinjp wrote: post #2

I don't live quite like this, but I feel similarly about gifts: I far prefer them to be practical rather than decorative or frivolous. I've realised that people can get slightly upset when I explain it to them. They want to buy me something fun, something I'll "enjoy". Chances are I won't, although I do of course appreciate the sentiment. Equally, I find it more satisfying to buy a "useful" gift for others. And of co…

Refrigerator door culture. At some point in life you will no longer be permitted not to have magnets on your fridge. I made it until I got married. Weaponized clothes are a thing too. Everyone knows nobody likes getting someone elses choice of clothes as a gift, especially not kids, but it is a socially acceptable weapon to kinda "get" the recipient. More a slap to the face than a punch to the face, but none the less…

I don't know, I've gotten lots of clothes I liked. I don't much enjoy going clothes shopping, so I appreciate other people putting in the effort as long as their impression of the things I'd wear is reasonably accurate.

Re: Why I don't want stuff

#126

Post by fs111 » Tue, Feb 23, 2016, 6:33 PM UTC

I don't get it. His website says he reads quite a few books. Why can't he just create an amazon wishlist full of books he wants to read and refer to that? Problem solved. Nobody likes getting random stuff, but getting things you would have gotten yourself anyway is not a problem, I'd argue.

Re: Why I don't want stuff

#127

Post by rcfox » Tue, Feb 23, 2016, 6:34 PM UTC

patja wrote: post #43

ycmbntrthrwaway wrote: post #6

Every time I have a birthday I am terribly worried about receiving some gift that I won't like from people who don't know me good enough but want to give me some present. Receiving a gift that I don't like and having to avoid showing that I don't really like it is worse than receiving nothing. In fact I have enough money to buy anything I want myself, so there is really nothing I would like to receive as a gift.

Why are people who do not know you well even aware of when your birthday is?

Google likes to populate my calendar with the birthdays of anyone I've ever talked to.

Re: Why I don't want stuff

#128

Post by mjcarroll » Tue, Feb 23, 2016, 6:34 PM UTC

branchless wrote: post #41

I fight against this all the time. It's simply impossible due to all the guilt involved. I do not want anything for xmas/birthday. My wife always wants to get me something and makes me feel like a killjoy. This is perhaps manageable. Bigger problem is I have 2 kids who get invited to parties. I have to take the birthday boy/girl something. Fine - but this means it's reciprocated. Valentines day recently. Used to be f…

With regards to the birthday gifts, we have friends that have their children choose a charity to support via donations.

An example would be the local humane society, and each birthday party attendee is asked to bring something that could be donated, such as leashes, bowls, or food. Then the birthday boy/girl gets to take all of the donations to the humane society.

It's a win/win. No additional clutter, and birthday boy/girl gets life experience with donation and community involvement.

Re: Why I don't want stuff

#129

Post by qaq » Tue, Feb 23, 2016, 6:34 PM UTC

axxl wrote: post #69

branchless wrote: post #41

I fight against this all the time. It's simply impossible due to all the guilt involved. I do not want anything for xmas/birthday. My wife always wants to get me something and makes me feel like a killjoy. This is perhaps manageable. Bigger problem is I have 2 kids who get invited to parties. I have to take the birthday boy/girl something. Fine - but this means it's reciprocated. Valentines day recently. Used to be f…

I understand most of your post and your desire to have less stuff. However, when you can't bring wine (a consumable, literally no long term space-occupation or anything else, probably gone that night, if not you can just dump it down the drain) to dinner... sheesh.

The point is it's a waste if you dump it down the drain

Re: Why I don't want stuff

#130

Post by suyash » Tue, Feb 23, 2016, 6:35 PM UTC

My rule is:

Only keep stuff that gives you a lot of joy or makes you money. Everything else must go!

Read this book if you want to clean up your junk: The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up - The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo or atleast watch her talk on YouTube - very inspiring.