Why I don't want stuff • Hacker News Board

Re: Why I don't want stuff

#41

Post by branchless » Tue, Feb 23, 2016, 5:41 PM UTC

I fight against this all the time. It's simply impossible due to all the guilt involved.

I do not want anything for xmas/birthday. My wife always wants to get me something and makes me feel like a killjoy. This is perhaps manageable.

Bigger problem is I have 2 kids who get invited to parties. I have to take the birthday boy/girl something. Fine - but this means it's reciprocated.

Valentines day recently. Used to be for asking a new girl out - now you have to gift something to your wife of 20 years. I have successfully vanquished this one.

Coming over for dinner? They bring a (bad) bottle of wine that I now have to get rid of. On and on the waste goes.

It just goes on and on.

Re: Why I don't want stuff

#42

Post by draw_down » Tue, Feb 23, 2016, 5:43 PM UTC

Getting rid of stuff feels great, but I think we have a cultural thing where we equate it with some sort of higher virtue. That's a mistake, but sure, get rid of all your stuff. Like I said, feels great.

Re: Why I don't want stuff

#43

Post by patja » Tue, Feb 23, 2016, 5:43 PM UTC

ycmbntrthrwaway wrote: post #6

Every time I have a birthday I am terribly worried about receiving some gift that I won't like from people who don't know me good enough but want to give me some present. Receiving a gift that I don't like and having to avoid showing that I don't really like it is worse than receiving nothing. In fact I have enough money to buy anything I want myself, so there is really nothing I would like to receive as a gift.

Why are people who do not know you well even aware of when your birthday is?

Re: Why I don't want stuff

#44

Post by phat4life » Tue, Feb 23, 2016, 5:43 PM UTC

this is why when i give gifts, i give something edible, or consumable, like nice chocolate, wine, coffee, etc, usually something gourmet or something that the person wouldn't normally buy.

Re: Why I don't want stuff

#45

Post by jrs235 » Tue, Feb 23, 2016, 5:43 PM UTC

My number one wish/want/desire for my birthday (which happens to be today!) is no gifts. I prefer no one make a big deal either.

One year my parents didn't send me a card or anything. It was soooo sweet! They finally listened and respected my desire(s). Then I found out they actually forgot. Which was bittersweet because that's sad to many but awesome because they made my birthday a non issue.

Anyways, for my birthday... I want to celebrate my parents for giving me the greatest gift of all, life. I'm ordering flowers for them right now.

Edit: changed "a catch 22" to "bittersweet" and "mother" to "parents".

Re: Why I don't want stuff

#46

Post by de_Selby » Tue, Feb 23, 2016, 5:43 PM UTC

majewsky wrote: post #36

Xcelerate wrote: post #18

I relate to this guy so much. > It makes me really happy when another Christmas or birthday has passed and I didn’t receive anything. It makes me feel understood. My sister and I have this arrangement. I tell her every Christmas that her gift (nothing) is the best one, because I don't have to figure out where to store more junk until enough time has passed that I don't feel guilty throwing it away. She's even more of…

> If I want some object, I will buy that object myself. I can so relate. "What can I get you for birthday?" - "Nothing, mum. I got all I need." - "How about we go buy some new shoes for you?" - " sigh I already have a pair of shoes." :)

Sounds like you need new shoes ;)

Re: Why I don't want stuff

#47

Post by idoh » Tue, Feb 23, 2016, 5:43 PM UTC

rubiquity wrote: post #25

VLM wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Refrigerator door culture. At some point in life you will no longer be permitted not to have magnets on your fridge. I made it until I got married. Weaponized clothes are a thing too. Everyone knows nobody likes getting someone elses choice of clothes as a gift, especially not kids, but it is a socially acceptable weapon to kinda "get" the recipient. More a slap to the face than a punch to the face, but none the less…

Hah, same here. We made it until friends started having children. I think there's still a refrigerator door somewhere underneath all the cute pictures.

Yeah me too. I had to make a rule where if it was over a year old then we could take it down.

Re: Why I don't want stuff

#48

Post by NovaS1X » Tue, Feb 23, 2016, 5:44 PM UTC

noir_lord wrote: post #4

I'm somewhat similar to this except furnished flats are rare where I live so I have some furniture. That said my bedroom has a bed and a side table, my living room a sofa, computer desk and TV. Spare bedroom has my road bike and my cycling gear (as a hobby it's unavoidable). I have a (somewhat) strict 1 closet policy for clothing, once I fill it for each item in something has to go (easy this year as I dropped nearly…

>(easy this year as I dropped nearly 70lbs, virtually nothing I had fits).

Good job. That must feel good.

Re: Why I don't want stuff

#49

Post by ycmbntrthrwaway » Tue, Feb 23, 2016, 5:44 PM UTC

serg_chernata wrote: post #39

Xcelerate wrote: post #18

I relate to this guy so much. > It makes me really happy when another Christmas or birthday has passed and I didn’t receive anything. It makes me feel understood. My sister and I have this arrangement. I tell her every Christmas that her gift (nothing) is the best one, because I don't have to figure out where to store more junk until enough time has passed that I don't feel guilty throwing it away. She's even more of…

Between my wife and I, the policy has been to go out and spend time together instead of buying gifts. I don't try to push this onto others but it does work with most of my close friends as well.

It works inside family or with girlfriends, but only as long as everybody agrees to go somewhere. As with normal gifts, presenting tickets as a surprise is not a good idea.

Re: Why I don't want stuff

#50

Post by majewsky » Tue, Feb 23, 2016, 5:44 PM UTC

moonlighter wrote: post #11

I can very much relate to this; my motto is "you don't own stuff; the stuff owns you". And every time I've moved, I was amazed at just how much stuff one (even unwillingly) accumulates, and how liberating it feels to get rid of it. I also prefer to own just a few high quality and/or useful things over having a 'ton of crap'.

I've recently started building an actual database of my physical inventory, and have already found multiple items which I needlessly own twice because when I bought the second one, I didn't realize I had one already.