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She’ll Text Me, She’ll Text Me Not

nautil.us

141–150 of 171 posts

Re: She’ll Text Me, She’ll Text Me Not

#141
post #133

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm coming up on 8 months since I last had any physical intimacy, and it's making it a lot harder to be okay with being single. I pretty much assume "as long as you're getting occasional physical intimacy" is implied whenever anyone says "you should learn to be okay with being single."

In fact, for me, it is the other way around. When I was dating some girls, I couldn't concentrate on myself completely. I had to stop it and check what I really wanted, what I wanted "besides" not being alone. This lead to questioning my job and quit it too, haha. When I was single, and knew what I wanted, I didn't had to cry after someone who didn't accept me for who I wasn't, it became okay for me. I started to see…

I can totally understand all that. I've had all the same thoughts before.

But 6 months without sex or even a kiss is hard.

Re: She’ll Text Me, She’ll Text Me Not

#142

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The chauvinism in this comment is insane. Women aren't points on a scoreboard This commenter, the type that is OUTRAGED by speech that hasn't been mangled to be politically correct, is responsible for muffling open and honest communication among people. Specific to this example, there is nothing wrong with the OP's use of scoring - the outraged expressed by the commenter above is basically trolling for a response b…

Well, I wasn't outraged before, but I have to admit that I may be feeling a touch of outrage now. The "mangling" of speech to be politically correct and the "muffling" of open and honest communications that some of us are asking for is just this: changing "score something 'out of your league'" to, e.g., "meet someone 'out of your league.'" I'm not sure why people see this as so hard to swallow. There may be someone "…

I strongly agree with this criticism of the language (I winced reading it), but I also agree that the way it was criticised here was unnecessarily inflammatory.

There are many people who are not sympathetic to calls for PC language, and including accusations of "insane chauvinism" isn't going to make them any more palatable.

Re: She’ll Text Me, She’ll Text Me Not

#143

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Something" doesn't necessarily refer to a woman. Could refer to a relationship, ala: I want something that will make my heart race, something that feels real

I've never heard anyone describe a relationship as being 'out of their league'.

Then you haven't spent much time in male-dominated online spaces

Re: She’ll Text Me, She’ll Text Me Not

#144

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The chauvinism in this comment is insane. Women aren't points on a scoreboard This commenter, the type that is OUTRAGED by speech that hasn't been mangled to be politically correct, is responsible for muffling open and honest communication among people. Specific to this example, there is nothing wrong with the OP's use of scoring - the outraged expressed by the commenter above is basically trolling for a response b…

Well, I wasn't outraged before, but I have to admit that I may be feeling a touch of outrage now. The "mangling" of speech to be politically correct and the "muffling" of open and honest communications that some of us are asking for is just this: changing "score something 'out of your league'" to, e.g., "meet someone 'out of your league.'" I'm not sure why people see this as so hard to swallow. There may be someone "…

> changing "score something 'out of your league'" to, e.g., "meet someone 'out of your league.'" I'm not sure why people see this as so hard to swallow.

The use case for language is this: You have a picture or idea in your brain that needs to be transmitted over ASCII into my brain. The conventional symbol set for this use case are English words. A priori we received a dictionary of words and their meanings that we assume is identical to all parties. Trouble is that it isn't. IF and only IF the goal of BOTH parties is to reproduce the original message with highest possible fidelity, then the receiver will obtain a copy of the transmitter's dictionary, and use the updated definitions to reproduce the transmitter's message.

However if the goal of the receiver is to discredit the transmitter or distract from the point being made, then a great tactic, akin to DNS hijack, is to push onto all receivers an alternative dictionary to the one used by the transmitter. In this case the alterative dictionary elicits outrage, discrediting the transmitter, and hijacking the original discussion.

CNN, for example, their goal is NOT to reproduce with high fidelity what congressman X said, rather, their goal is ___ (insert: make it more entertaining, make it more newsworthy, make it click-bait suitable, keep viewers watching, attract ad dollars, curry political favor, drive their own agenda, etc). In addition to pushing an alternative dictionary, they can reinforce with cutting phrases out of context, using selective historical imagery and video, bringing 'experts' to present their views.

In summary I feel that HG was using an alternative dictionary attack (akin to DNS hijack), to distract from the substantive content in the OP.

Re: She’ll Text Me, She’ll Text Me Not

#145

TIL guys are openly hostile to solid dating advice

It's not very welcome when it's this complicated. Injecting social artifices into something as seemingly simple as text communication is frustrating. How often do any of us think about the emotional impact of the timing of a text message in any other context?

Re: She’ll Text Me, She’ll Text Me Not

#146
post #48
post #8

My strategy when I meet a girl I like is to exchange numbers, but have no intention of contacting them. The girl always has to contact the guy first. It's just how it works.

This is not great advice because girls aren't as proactive and they have plenty of old and new guys to distract them.

I see it like those grammar errors in scam emails - making people self-select themselves for qualities you want.

Even at crazy low success rate, it's still only a matter of time.

Re: She’ll Text Me, She’ll Text Me Not

#147

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are you a male 20-something or a female 20-something? The male 20-somethings I know are largely chill and don't really care how a woman reaches out. The female 20-somethings I know (both as friends and as romantic partners), on the other hand, universally prefer a text. They feel a phone call puts them on the spot; they call it "awkward" or "weird". In most cases, they'll only accept the phone call if they're already…

> In most cases, they'll only accept the phone call if they're already into the guy. If they're unsure about the guy, he's probably ensured he's going to get a negative response. Counterpoint: this is self selection mechanism in itself. I don't want to be dating the person who can't handle getting a phone call without it being "awkward" or "weird". Playing the game by the numbers is only worthwhile if your goal is ep…

People are not constant in every phase of a relationship. All those 20-something females I mentioned like phone calls later in the relationship.

By applying your selection criteria during the initial phase you're not really applying it to them at all. You're just limiting your chances of success, very severely.

Re: She’ll Text Me, She’ll Text Me Not

#148

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, I wasn't outraged before, but I have to admit that I may be feeling a touch of outrage now. The "mangling" of speech to be politically correct and the "muffling" of open and honest communications that some of us are asking for is just this: changing "score something 'out of your league'" to, e.g., "meet someone 'out of your league.'" I'm not sure why people see this as so hard to swallow. There may be someone "…

> changing "score something 'out of your league'" to, e.g., "meet someone 'out of your league.'" I'm not sure why people see this as so hard to swallow. The use case for language is this: You have a picture or idea in your brain that needs to be transmitted over ASCII into my brain. The conventional symbol set for this use case are English words. A priori we received a dictionary of words and their meanings that we a…

That's an interesting explanation, and it's an astute way of describing tactics that are sometimes employed in political debates. But as applied to this case, I think it fails to address some key issues.

1. What reason would HG have to distract from the substantive content in the OP's comment?

2. HG was not the only person who found OP's comment objectionable. Do we all have ulterior motivess?

3. There are, I think, objective reasons for finding parts of OP's comment objectionable, which HG, myself, and others, have thoroughly expressed elsewhere in this thread. Do you have a response to these substantive points, or are you merely concerned about HG's reasons for raising them (and, perhaps, his./her tone in doing so)?

I for one think that OP's comment is interesting, and I have no interest in distracting from its substance. But I do hope to point out how some unfortunate, casual choice of words may have inadvertently caused harm to other members of our community.

I'd also point out that, like the dictionary attack that you describe, baselessly impugning an opponent's motivations is also a tried and true tactic for distracting others from the substance of what they have to say, without meaningfully engaging with it.

Re: She’ll Text Me, She’ll Text Me Not

#149

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, I wasn't outraged before, but I have to admit that I may be feeling a touch of outrage now. The "mangling" of speech to be politically correct and the "muffling" of open and honest communications that some of us are asking for is just this: changing "score something 'out of your league'" to, e.g., "meet someone 'out of your league.'" I'm not sure why people see this as so hard to swallow. There may be someone "…

I strongly agree with this criticism of the language (I winced reading it), but I also agree that the way it was criticised here was unnecessarily inflammatory. There are many people who are not sympathetic to calls for PC language, and including accusations of "insane chauvinism" isn't going to make them any more palatable.

Fair enough. I agree that the comment could have been more carefully worded. Note, though, that this does not (I hope!) explain the cool reception (to put it mildly) to my own comments in the same vein.

Re: She’ll Text Me, She’ll Text Me Not

#150
post #70
post #54

I met about 400+ girls last summer and I became very good at texting. Rule #1, never get mad or upset at them by text. Ever. Rule #2, never appear weak or unsure. Never qualify what you say. Rule #3, girls 99% of the time respond but people get busy. Sometimes I want to respond to a text but I want my mind to be more clear or I get distracted. Or you just don't feel so social. Or you are depressed, sick, busy etc. So…

Sorry but 400? What?

I meant to clarify. I volunteered at a hostel this summer doing activities. So every morning I had to talk to girls at breakfast and invite them to hikes or beer pong.

I also met a dozen girls or so girls a week out in LA. I was going out almost every day and night though.

I also had a friend with a ridiculously amazing condo so I'd bring girls there. The condo didn't help that much but the confidence probably did.

Even with all this, it was exhausting and annoying to meet girls. 99% seem uninteresting and mean; only text me to invite them somewhere. And I was just friends with most.

I'm somewhat of a misanthrope. People in general are selfish and weird. Accepting people as flawed creatures and focusing on the positives have helped a lot.

Edit- Travelling and staying in hostels rejuvenated my faith in others. I highly recommend it.

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