61–70 of 171 posts
Two interesting and somehow opposite aspects of modern culture, we seek instant gratification and we willingly delay communication. I wonder if there is a relationship between the two.
> One area where there was a lot of debate was the amount of time one should wait to text back. Several people subscribed to the notion of doubling the response time. (They write back in five minutes, you wait 10, etc.) This way you achieve the upper hand and constantly seem busier and less available than your counterpart. Others thought waiting just a few minutes was enough to prove you had something important in yo…
> Who enjoys these games? I don't know if anyone really does. However, like me, most people probably like to think there's a right way and a wrong way of doing this, and that it's not all just a random coin flip where the house always wins. If someone we're attracted to apparently dislikes us for no discernible reason, it's comforting to think it's simply because we didn't follow the commonly accepted rules.
The best time to search for funding is when you don't need it. The best time to search for a job is when you don't need it. The best time to search for a partner is when you don't need it. I got my current girlfriends after two years of being single and realizing that being single is okay.
I would argue that it's hard to build healthy relationship when you're _not_ okay being single. Needing a relationship to feel okay sets the ground for developing codependency, which hurts everyone involved. Also, when you're actively looking for someone to have relationship with you look desperate, which scares people off. (Not to mention that having relationship itself as a goal, as opposed to wanting to build a re…
More helpful advice is, how to shop intelligently when needy.
Yeesh. Finding a girlfriend in college and getting married not too long after graduation remains the best decision I've ever made. I don't know how people deal with this shit.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Nope. Attraction is a nice thing to feel, but it's generally more satisfying if you act on it with conscious choice and not feel "forced" to do something just because you feel a certain way.
I don't think that's how attraction works :( Maybe building a stable, committed relationship -- something that not all people want, by the way, and that's ok -- is an exercise in restraint and rationality, but immediate attraction and hookups? It works irrationally almost by definition.
Why wouldn't one just call and avoid all this nonsense? It doesn't eliminate the wiles and ways by which we seek to gain the upper hand in a sapling relationship, but it does introduce a touch of humanity into the exchange which, in addition to being consoling, reduces wasted time and useless stress. A call is an unambiguous yet still unstated expression of continued interest. Is the other party still interested? If…
> Why wouldn't one just call and avoid all this nonsense? Because if you're trying to take out a 20-something that you've only had passing interaction with, texting is the socially acceptable way to do it. You don't just call.
It's like politics. Some people wouldn't even pick up the phone and only respond to texts (they vote for party A). Some people only call (they vote for party B). Yet, a lot of people have a tendency towards one or the other but essentially they're in the middle. And everyone knows you can influence swing voters. And I think everyone should know that you can influence most other people. So if one loves to call, then I'd suggest he/she picks up the phone and call. If one loves to text, then he/she should text. But one should always be too wary of adapting to others too fast if the manner of communication gives more stress than positivity.
Simple :) You can trust a metta mage on this one ;)
> One area where there was a lot of debate was the amount of time one should wait to text back. Several people subscribed to the notion of doubling the response time. (They write back in five minutes, you wait 10, etc.) This way you achieve the upper hand and constantly seem busier and less available than your counterpart. Others thought waiting just a few minutes was enough to prove you had something important in yo…
Whether you're a lion or a gazelle, you'd better start running
And who enjoys running? Nobody. It's just the way things are. Sex is hard work, in any possible way, throughout the whole animal kingdom.
I met about 400+ girls last summer and I became very good at texting. Rule #1, never get mad or upset at them by text. Ever. Rule #2, never appear weak or unsure. Never qualify what you say. Rule #3, girls 99% of the time respond but people get busy. Sometimes I want to respond to a text but I want my mind to be more clear or I get distracted. Or you just don't feel so social. Or you are depressed, sick, busy etc. So…