Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating • Hacker News Board

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#21

Post by noir_lord » Wed, Jan 13, 2016, 2:40 PM UTC

Used okcupid last year, went on 3 dates in the first two weeks, ended up seeing one of them for 3 months, lovely woman but just not a long term fit so no regrets.

Not used it since while it was fun I'm just not at a point where I want another long term relationship.

I seemed to get quite a few messages from women which is very strange since I'm on the "a face only a mother could love" side of the attractiveness curve - (hell the profile picture was me on a bike when I was 40lbs overweight, I actually look better now than then - also got told that, 2 of them said I should use a better more recent pic). I was brutally honest on my profile which all 3 dates said they liked, I'm also finding it a lot easier to meet women in real life as well, I dumped a load of weight last year and got back into the same shape I was in in my early twenties and I think that combined with the confidence that comes with age (I'm mid thirties) has had a dramatic effect.

Also the less I look the more women I seem to end up going on dates with, not sure how that works either.

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#22

Post by Symmetry » Wed, Jan 13, 2016, 2:49 PM UTC

gamesbrainiac wrote: post #7

One question asks how we’d feel about being slapped hard in the face during sex — and the possible answers include “horrified,” “aroused,” and . . . . . “nostalgic.” More than I want to meet the woman of my dreams, I want to meet the employee who came up with that last option. This quote is a keeper.

I seem to recall that most of the questions are user submitted.

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#23

Post by wtvanhest » Wed, Jan 13, 2016, 2:52 PM UTC

mysterypie wrote: post #18

cubano wrote: post #12

As a single late 40-something, I found myself chuckling in agreement with all the main points of this really well written article. The online dating process, to me at least, falls somewhere between setting myself on fire with lighter fluid and posting cat vids (well, anything really) on Facebook. I tried it a few years back and very quickly realized it just wasn't for me and didn't fit my personality worth a damn. It…

> every women I did meet online immediately ran background checks Are you serious? Women actually run background checks on dates? I don't know where to begin with my questions. Did you tell the women about your background, or they just do it on everyone? What company or service does these checks? Don't they have to get authorization from you to do a check? Wouldn't this be expensive? Is this something typical in the…

He probably means they just googled his name. If it's an uncommon name and he has multiple felonies, they will find him.

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#24

Post by SixSigma » Wed, Jan 13, 2016, 2:53 PM UTC

mysterypie wrote: post #18

cubano wrote: post #12

As a single late 40-something, I found myself chuckling in agreement with all the main points of this really well written article. The online dating process, to me at least, falls somewhere between setting myself on fire with lighter fluid and posting cat vids (well, anything really) on Facebook. I tried it a few years back and very quickly realized it just wasn't for me and didn't fit my personality worth a damn. It…

> every women I did meet online immediately ran background checks Are you serious? Women actually run background checks on dates? I don't know where to begin with my questions. Did you tell the women about your background, or they just do it on everyone? What company or service does these checks? Don't they have to get authorization from you to do a check? Wouldn't this be expensive? Is this something typical in the…

We have Clare's Law (or rather The Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme) in the UK where you can find out if you partner has a record for domestic violence.

http://content.met.police.uk/Article/Domestic-Violence-Discl...

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#25

Post by datapat » Wed, Jan 13, 2016, 2:55 PM UTC

mysterypie wrote: post #18

cubano wrote: post #12

As a single late 40-something, I found myself chuckling in agreement with all the main points of this really well written article. The online dating process, to me at least, falls somewhere between setting myself on fire with lighter fluid and posting cat vids (well, anything really) on Facebook. I tried it a few years back and very quickly realized it just wasn't for me and didn't fit my personality worth a damn. It…

> every women I did meet online immediately ran background checks Are you serious? Women actually run background checks on dates? I don't know where to begin with my questions. Did you tell the women about your background, or they just do it on everyone? What company or service does these checks? Don't they have to get authorization from you to do a check? Wouldn't this be expensive? Is this something typical in the…

>Are you serious?

Are you seriously so mind-blown at the idea that women (often mothers of young children) might want to have as much information as possible about a person who they don't know, but who they're considering allowing into their lives?

>I don't know where to begin with my questions.

Google?

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#26

Post by bitwize » Wed, Jan 13, 2016, 3:01 PM UTC

marktangotango wrote: post #13

Finding a mate is a numbers game, pure and simple. Online dating facilitates meeting X women in Y amount of time. One typically starts of with requirements {a, b, c} but then as they go along they figure out that their requirements are in reality {b, d, e, ...}. The qualities {a, c} just weren't that important. Source: I tried online dating off an on for years, met my wife on pof. ymmv

"Love -- bah! Just a boy meeting a girl under the right conditions. So, we're arranging the conditions."

--The King, Cinderella (1950 film).

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#27

Post by newday » Wed, Jan 13, 2016, 3:04 PM UTC

Having just been back in the scene this past week, this is disturbingly accurate. I'm 41.

I'm surprised by the number of women that are still on the site from the last time I went through this 5 years ago.

I have a large profile, with a ton of hooks for conversation, and yet the number of girls I talk to on there either don't want to or can't be bothered to ask a question. And unfortunately, the one that does, I have no attraction to.

Being 41 is also problematic. There is a change that happens to a lot of the women around this time. They seem to shift from something that is attractive, to suddenly looking like a mom. The haircut, the face, the body. For the life of me, I can't seem to make myself attracted to this Mom look. Which means looking for partners much younger.

It's also been strange, you'll message a girl, and ask a question. She'll respond with the answer, and that's it. Trying to keep that going ends up trying to share something about myself, and then ask another question. They answer the question again, and provide nothing to carry on the conversation. I get the feeling that these women want to be wooed, but that happens after we meet. At this stage, you're trying to find compatibility. You could be a dog, you could be a gay man who poses as a woman because he likes the compliments (read it on Reddit), a bot, etc... Interaction is the key.

Ah well, back I go.

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#28

Post by leephillips » Wed, Jan 13, 2016, 3:06 PM UTC

biot wrote: post #15

cubano wrote: post #12

As a single late 40-something, I found myself chuckling in agreement with all the main points of this really well written article. The online dating process, to me at least, falls somewhere between setting myself on fire with lighter fluid and posting cat vids (well, anything really) on Facebook. I tried it a few years back and very quickly realized it just wasn't for me and didn't fit my personality worth a damn. It…

Running background checks for a date is a thing these days? How times change...

"We're only a few years away from a point where no mating will ever occur because no one will pass the background check." -- Scott Adams

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#29

Post by cholantesh » Wed, Jan 13, 2016, 3:08 PM UTC

cubano wrote: post #12

As a single late 40-something, I found myself chuckling in agreement with all the main points of this really well written article. The online dating process, to me at least, falls somewhere between setting myself on fire with lighter fluid and posting cat vids (well, anything really) on Facebook. I tried it a few years back and very quickly realized it just wasn't for me and didn't fit my personality worth a damn. It…

>It's a desensitizing/lonely/desperate numbers game where all incentives lie with lining up as many "targets" as you can and hoping for hits.

Can't that be said for practically all forms of dating? I mean, I've met divorcees from arranged marriages who criticize the process on the same basis...

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#30

Post by neogodless » Wed, Jan 13, 2016, 3:08 PM UTC

marktangotango wrote: post #13

Finding a mate is a numbers game, pure and simple. Online dating facilitates meeting X women in Y amount of time. One typically starts of with requirements {a, b, c} but then as they go along they figure out that their requirements are in reality {b, d, e, ...}. The qualities {a, c} just weren't that important. Source: I tried online dating off an on for years, met my wife on pof. ymmv

My take on it is - count on online to "increase how many people you meet" rather than "increase the quality of people you meet." Use the numbers, meet lots of people. Like Jim Collins might recommend to business, "hire slowly, fire quickly" though in this case, maybe "date quickly, leave quickly" until you find someone that seems compatible in person.