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When Are You Really an Adult?

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Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#81

Post by PhasmaFelis »

teekert wrote: post #35
rprospero wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'd say that the realization that you are the only person who is responsible for you is only half-way there. I'd say that full adulthood realization is that you are the only person responsible for you, but you are still responsible for other people . The reason I say that is I've know individuals who have taken the first mantra to mean that they hold no responsibilities to other people. That it is, in a reductio ad a…

You certainly are not responsible for other people. If you can't see others as beings with equal rights, meaning you don't naturally treat people the way you would like to be treated, you are a sociopath. You are a danger to others and you are why we have a justice system to take such people out of our society. You should not live for other people and other people do not have to live for you. For me being an adult is…

So, in your world, someone who perhaps cares too much about others' welfare is a dangerous sociopath who should be thrown in prison?

Okay!

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#82

Post by InclinedPlane »

Adulthood, maturity, is fundamentally about responsibility. Are you a person who is always seeking the help of others or are you a person who is substantially self-reliant and who others go to for help? That's the dividing line for adulthood.

Notice that this has nothing to do with style, fashion, or entertainment choices. You can drink scotch, smoke cigars, wear suits every day, and drive a luxury automobile, that doesn't make you more mature. And you can chew bubblegum, watch cartoons, play videogames, wear jeans and hoodies, that doesn't make you less mature.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#84

Post by gricardo99 »

The day I got excited about ordering a new vacuum cleaner.

I can't say I definitively crossed the threshold of adulthood that day, but the kid in me grieved. He was no longer in control... of everything ;) There was now a "grown-up" in charge.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#85

Post by mrexroad »

Retric wrote: post #48
intopieces wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> but you are still responsible for other people. I couldn't disagree with this any more. I've spent years and years of my life trying to be responsible for other people, trying to make their lives the way I thought they 'should' be -- helping people find jobs, encouraging them to do x/y/z. I'd come into people's lives and it'd be like I walked into an old house: "Let's just fix this here, and that there, and pretty…

My father used to say your not an adult until your third child. I think his point was it's not about being independent so much as juggling responsibly when you can't make everyone happy.

this.

i've joked before that parenting 3+ young kids is really just figuring out how to ensure one doesn't get neglected any more or less than the others or that it's switching from man-to-man to zone defense. either way, you reach a point where the time/energy/money required to give your loved ones what they need no longer comes from "you" (your sleep/hobbies/friends), but has to be taken from what you can give your other loved ones as you are already maxed physically/mentally/financially. it's then not a matter of "doing everything you can" anymore, but trying to do the "right things" that you can, and balancing consequences of which are dropped and hoping you can mitigate in future. sometimes it works, sometimes it hurts.

friends will then joke "and that's why i'm never having kids" or "that's why we're only having one", but it's not "worse", just different.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#86

Post by brightball »

You become an adult at the point you have a significant (meaning, major life impact) responsibility to at least one other person.

That can come from (examples):

1. Becoming a parent (most people) 2. Becoming an employer (who's employees depend on you and the business for their livelyhood) 3. Other examples that you can come up with

At the point that your actions, decisions, the way you present yourself, how you spend money, etc have consequences for more than just you is the point where you really grow up.

When it's all about you, you don't really have responsibilities you just have stuff to do.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#88

Post by Kapow »

anonbanker wrote: post #26

Adulthood is defined by extreme personal responsibility. I didn't consider making a baby adulthood, or getting a $100k/year job to be adulthood. If anything, I was _less_ responsible for my own actions (ballooning to 360lbs), because I started focusing on the things I _had_ to do, and let my personal development stop due to not having time . Oddly, I realized and _grasped_ the concept that I had to take responsibilit…

>declared a de jure court

What does this mean? Google has no results for that phrase, using any verb tense.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#89

Post by brightball »

russnewcomer wrote: post #14

I've frequently thought this over the past few years, and I feel like the conclusion I have is different than others in this thread. I don't becoming an adult is really about you, exactly. It's not about your independence, or your actions. It's about when other people become dependent on you. I think this is the way that it has long been thought of in cultures outside of the post-Enlightenment West. This was my stron…

Almost had this exact comment. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=10868715

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#90

Post by pnathan »

Two points I find have defined it for myself.

* When I lived by myself. I had to do it if it was to get done.

* When what I paid for myself was by me or depended on me and took on all responsibility for debts.

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