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When Are You Really an Adult?

theatlantic.com

31–40 of 206 posts

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#31

I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…

So stay at home house wives can never be adults?

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#32
post #13

I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…

You're not an adult until you reach some point where friends/family stop trying to help you?

There is a big difference between helping someone and taking responsibility for something. If walk over to help my neighbor take his lawn, he is still in charge of the lawn.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#33

I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…

I'd say that the realization that you are the only person who is responsible for you is only half-way there. I'd say that full adulthood realization is that you are the only person responsible for you, but you are still responsible for other people . The reason I say that is I've know individuals who have taken the first mantra to mean that they hold no responsibilities to other people. That it is, in a reductio ad a…

> but you are still responsible for other people.

I couldn't disagree with this any more. I've spent years and years of my life trying to be responsible for other people, trying to make their lives the way I thought they 'should' be -- helping people find jobs, encouraging them to do x/y/z. I'd come into people's lives and it'd be like I walked into an old house: "Let's just fix this here, and that there, and pretty soon you'll be so much better than you were before."

What an utter waste of time for both parties. Turns out I don't know anything about what's best for other people, and hardly what's best for myself. My life has been much less stressful since accepting that. I'll gladly lend a hand to a friend who asks for it -- but the 'responsible for other people' phase of my life is over.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'd say that the realization that you are the only person who is responsible for you is only half-way there. I'd say that full adulthood realization is that you are the only person responsible for you, but you are still responsible for other people . The reason I say that is I've know individuals who have taken the first mantra to mean that they hold no responsibilities to other people. That it is, in a reductio ad a…

> but you are still responsible for other people. I couldn't disagree with this any more. I've spent years and years of my life trying to be responsible for other people, trying to make their lives the way I thought they 'should' be -- helping people find jobs, encouraging them to do x/y/z. I'd come into people's lives and it'd be like I walked into an old house: "Let's just fix this here, and that there, and pretty…

This seems like an extreme interpretation of "responsibility for other people." There are people in my care whom I'm completely aware I cannot mold into shapes of my choice, but for whom I accept the responsibility of keeping them off the street--and therefore, primarily, of keeping myself in adequate condition to keep them off the street. And I agree with GP; that to me feels like a key element of my adulthood. [Edited for grammar]

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#35

I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…

I'd say that the realization that you are the only person who is responsible for you is only half-way there. I'd say that full adulthood realization is that you are the only person responsible for you, but you are still responsible for other people . The reason I say that is I've know individuals who have taken the first mantra to mean that they hold no responsibilities to other people. That it is, in a reductio ad a…

You certainly are not responsible for other people. If you can't see others as beings with equal rights, meaning you don't naturally treat people the way you would like to be treated, you are a sociopath. You are a danger to others and you are why we have a justice system to take such people out of our society.

You should not live for other people and other people do not have to live for you. For me being an adult is more about that balance.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#36

I'm approaching 40. I've never been "aimless", and while I can definitely increase how often I take responsibility, I'm doing well. I own a house, am married, taking care of my mother, employed, socking money away in a 401k (probably not fast enough, but it's happening). ...and I've never felt like an adult. I can have the weird dichotomy of having friends young enough to have missed everything I relate to my childho…

Nobody feels like an adult. It's the world's dirty secret. — quote from Liberal Arts.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'd say that the realization that you are the only person who is responsible for you is only half-way there. I'd say that full adulthood realization is that you are the only person responsible for you, but you are still responsible for other people . The reason I say that is I've know individuals who have taken the first mantra to mean that they hold no responsibilities to other people. That it is, in a reductio ad a…

> but you are still responsible for other people. I couldn't disagree with this any more. I've spent years and years of my life trying to be responsible for other people, trying to make their lives the way I thought they 'should' be -- helping people find jobs, encouraging them to do x/y/z. I'd come into people's lives and it'd be like I walked into an old house: "Let's just fix this here, and that there, and pretty…

[deleted]

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#38

I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…

So stay at home house wives can never be adults?

Not the GP, but I imagine the more charitable interpretation is that s/he is referring to a level of psychological/emotional development, not to a specific fiscal arrangement. One can be an adult and as an adult arrange one's affairs in a way that increases one's dependence on someone else, but if one makes that decision from a studied, mature evaluation of the circumstances, knowing and accepting the risks thereof, it's not the same thing as making it as a child, or making it unknowingly. [Edited for grammar]

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#39

I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…

So stay at home house wives can never be adults?

As a woman, I think so. At the minimum, you need to make your own money to be independent, and independence is necessary to be an adult. I can't imagine feeling grown up, and at the same time asking my husband for some money each time I need to buy something.

(Financial) dependance infantilizes a person. There is a reason why unemployment is depressing even if you have a roof over your head and food to eat.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#40

I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…

tl;dr paraplegics and others who can't survive without the care of others are eternal children
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