Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

When Are You Really an Adult?

theatlantic.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

51–60 of 206 posts

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#51

Post by meric »

goodJobWalrus wrote: post #39
beccasanchez wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So stay at home house wives can never be adults?

As a woman, I think so. At the minimum, you need to make your own money to be independent, and independence is necessary to be an adult. I can't imagine feeling grown up, and at the same time asking my husband for some money each time I need to buy something. (Financial) dependance infantilizes a person. There is a reason why unemployment is depressing even if you have a roof over your head and food to eat.

Would it change the situation, if every time your husband receives a pay check, he gives you half or all of it? What about if both of you are independently wealthy and one of you decided to stay at home to take care of your children? What if the stay at home house wife has a profitable hobby which makes decent income?

Or stay at home house wives can never be adults?

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#52

Post by goodJobWalrus »

cm2012 wrote: post #50
goodJobWalrus wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a woman, I think so. At the minimum, you need to make your own money to be independent, and independence is necessary to be an adult. I can't imagine feeling grown up, and at the same time asking my husband for some money each time I need to buy something. (Financial) dependance infantilizes a person. There is a reason why unemployment is depressing even if you have a roof over your head and food to eat.

In general, I disagree. In many, many relationships, while the husband earns the money, the women gets final say in what's spent where. While this isn't the rule, it's certainly not uncommon (and popular culture, IE sitcoms, movies, etc pretty much purely reinforce this). You could say that the scenario where the husband holds tight to the purse strings and the woman only goes along with it because of fear or anxiety…

I'm speaking purely from a personal level. Maybe it's cultural. I have grown up in a country where women work, so I never met a housewife. It would really be hard for me to feel independent while asking my husband for the pocket money.

The few housewives I met later in life were quite infantilized compared to working women I know.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#53

Post by yarou »

Notions of adulthood vary from culture to culture.

In many cultures, after an arbitrary rite of passage, children are considered "adults".

I think, personally, the point at which one becomes an adult is acknowledging the bitter and harsh truth of reality. In some sense, it may be better to remain a child forever, ignorantly blissful.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#54

Post by goodJobWalrus »

beccasanchez wrote: post #43
goodJobWalrus wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a woman, I think so. At the minimum, you need to make your own money to be independent, and independence is necessary to be an adult. I can't imagine feeling grown up, and at the same time asking my husband for some money each time I need to buy something. (Financial) dependance infantilizes a person. There is a reason why unemployment is depressing even if you have a roof over your head and food to eat.

So quadriplegics and other people with insoluble medical issues that make their lives dependent on others can never grow up?

I truly don't know, I've never met a person who is dependent on others due to medical issues, so I wasn't referring to them.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#56

Post by x3n0ph3n3 »

johnchristopher wrote: post #24
marknutter wrote: post #8

I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…

What about people suffering from any mental illness that would seriously hamper their ability to take responsibilities or reach financial independence ? I am thinking of non episodic depression, phobias preventing doing anything that is performance related, etc. There comes a time when they are alone in front of the mirror and yet will be unable to act upon it because of circumstances outside their immediate control.…

Maybe we shouldn't consider such people adults, then. Often times developmentally disabled children reach "adulthood" but are still considered incompetent and require guardianship.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#57

Post by teekert »

meric wrote: post #49
teekert wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You certainly are not responsible for other people. If you can't see others as beings with equal rights, meaning you don't naturally treat people the way you would like to be treated, you are a sociopath. You are a danger to others and you are why we have a justice system to take such people out of our society. You should not live for other people and other people do not have to live for you. For me being an adult is…

Yeah, definitely send that kid out as soon as they can walk. They have equal rights, and you should not live for them. Throw your elderly mother off into the streets too. Don't even bother walking her to the nursing home, that's her own problem. You do not live for her and it was certainly her problem she lived for you when you yourself were a kid. It's about balance as an adult.

Love is selfish, I take care of my loved ones for selfish reasons and it feels good. It makes them feel good as well, to be loved by someone who wants them to feel good, not to please them, not to please my family, not to do what my culture wants or out of guilt but to be loved sincerely, because it make me feel good. Taking care of them is taking care of myself.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#58

Post by goodJobWalrus »

meric wrote: post #51
goodJobWalrus wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a woman, I think so. At the minimum, you need to make your own money to be independent, and independence is necessary to be an adult. I can't imagine feeling grown up, and at the same time asking my husband for some money each time I need to buy something. (Financial) dependance infantilizes a person. There is a reason why unemployment is depressing even if you have a roof over your head and food to eat.

Would it change the situation, if every time your husband receives a pay check, he gives you half or all of it? What about if both of you are independently wealthy and one of you decided to stay at home to take care of your children? What if the stay at home house wife has a profitable hobby which makes decent income? Or stay at home house wives can never be adults?

If you are independently wealthy you have your own money, no? You don't depend on the other person.

But what you mentioned is interesting. Look at heirs of great fortunes. They either find something productive to do with their lives, or they stay basically children their whole lives and that often means trouble for them (not always though).

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#59

Post by cm2012 »

goodJobWalrus wrote: post #52
cm2012 wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In general, I disagree. In many, many relationships, while the husband earns the money, the women gets final say in what's spent where. While this isn't the rule, it's certainly not uncommon (and popular culture, IE sitcoms, movies, etc pretty much purely reinforce this). You could say that the scenario where the husband holds tight to the purse strings and the woman only goes along with it because of fear or anxiety…

I'm speaking purely from a personal level. Maybe it's cultural. I have grown up in a country where women work, so I never met a housewife. It would really be hard for me to feel independent while asking my husband for the pocket money. The few housewives I met later in life were quite infantilized compared to working women I know.

According to Slate's tool here, only 9% of married couples have only separate bank accounts (the situation where you have to ask your husband for pocket money if you don't have a job) : http://www.slate.com/articles/life/home_economics/2011/01/ou...

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#60

Post by amalcon »

rprospero wrote: post #20
marknutter wrote: post #8

I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…

I'd say that the realization that you are the only person who is responsible for you is only half-way there. I'd say that full adulthood realization is that you are the only person responsible for you, but you are still responsible for other people . The reason I say that is I've know individuals who have taken the first mantra to mean that they hold no responsibilities to other people. That it is, in a reductio ad a…

Maybe this is better stated as: you are still responsible for your effects on other people. You don't need to feel responsibility for every little thing everyone else does, but to the extent that you hurt someone else, it's on you to make it right.
Post reply on HN