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Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

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Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#101
post #11
post #3

But others lament the way the extreme casualness of sex in the age of Tinder leaves many women feeling de-valued. “It’s rare for a woman of our generation to meet a man who treats her like a priority instead of an option,” wrote Erica Gordon on the Gen Y Web site Elite Daily, in 2014. If a woman doesn't want to feel like an option, shouldn't she stay far away from Tinder? It's not like there isn't a million other way…

I have been thinking about why Tinder seems like a bad deal for my lady friends. It seems that women used to hold the power in online dating but for whatever reason Tinder has turned into a site that reduces the cost (time investment and biological risk) to sleep with strangers. It seems that as that's picked up the new norm is a "race to the bottom" for women who want traditional relationships.

> It seems that as that's picked up the new norm is a "race to the bottom" for women who want traditional relationships.

I'm inclined to not believe that. Anyone on Tinder, woman or man, is very unlikely to want a traditional relationship. Or rather, people who want a traditional relationship shouldn't be seeking it on Tinder.

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#102

"...the game is out there, and it's either play or get played..." - Omar, The Wire Nowadays, if a single guy doesn't use Tinder and other apps, it's missing a huge pool of single girls available to meet for a drink (or other things). It's never been so easy to meet new people, so guys don't value so much the girls they met like before, but it's the same for girls. If the pool of single girls it's huge, imagine the po…

I think people who aren't using Tinder aren't missing out much at all based on what you described. It sort of feels like a pool for people that just want large quantities of cheap commodity, and if you are into that then it totally makes sense. Fortunately, there still exists descent people with desires to be with high quality people. I think it would be quite tragic if someone with decency caved in to societal press…

I know that and that's true. In the middle of that pool of people there are some high quality people, but most of them doesn't stay longer in the app.

Probably most of the people aren't going to find a man/woman for the life on Tinder but if you put a little effort on your matches you will find interesting people. The problem is that after some time and some "tinder scars" people put less and less effort in meeting better their matches.

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#103

There's the old story of the guy that walks around asking every women if they want to have sex. Eventually one always says yes. On Tinder a guy can do that without getting slapped 100 times.

I went to university with that guy. I genuinely did. It was unbelievable to watch, he was so brazen. He just didn't give a damn about rejection.

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#104
There's been a lot of talk of the decrease in 'cost' of sex, etc in this thread. I want to chip in as someone who has spent a LOT of time on tinder.

Last month, I was spending SEVERAL hours a day swiping on friends' behalf on Tinder. We'd swipe till our eyes hurt, and we'd swipe again. You get a limited number of swipes (and total 'targets') per day, so once someone ran out of their daily quota, I'd swipe for someone else.

The process is TIRING! -- looking at attractive/ people at their best putting on their best show is tiring! It's doesn't seem to be screen fatigue -- there's likely an upper boundary on how many faces/people you can process in a day. We'd end up not checking people's profiles and swipe based on the amount of skin showed on profile pictures. It sounds ridiculous, but being judgmental of people's face/facial features apparently gets tiring at some point.

This leads me to believe that the interactions don't come for free -- they may be cheap, but the costs exist.

So as someone who spent all that time on Tinder, it is not clear to me what 'friction' Tinder removes as compared to dating sites say, 10 years ago. Having a hookup app on your lap, and on your cellphone is not that different. Or sites on the desktop 15 years ago. I know people who think 'mobile' hookup apps are the most godawful things to have happened in the world (and that because, as a lot of people have said here, because they reduce the cost of interaction), but that's not significantly different from say, 10/15 years ago, is it?

If 'hookup stats' are really higher, it could be because not everyone agrees on the definition. For a lot of my friends, going over to sleep at someone's house constitutes a hookup. I'd imagine something like that would have happened 20 years ago anyway in an offline setting, but you'd have met the person in a bar, or a club or what have you. That you happened to have met them on Tinder doesn't make it an 'apocalypse' for the dating type.

All the friends I swiped for ended up going on multiple dates, some in the same week. Two ended in a committed relationship, and one who never wanted to be in a relationship was almost dragged into one. I mention this because without tinder, he would never have been out their anyway. So here's my theory: tinder is bringing out all the 'marginals' -- people on the relationship margin who would otherwise not have been 'out there' anyway. Since their ratio to the general population has increased because of increased visibility, it seems that more people are NOT into dating. That's a fallacy because it does not control for the marginals: they'd not be 'relationship minded' without tinder anyway.

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#105
post #55

Does anyone else have a feeling of total alienation from the people and behaviours described in this article? I certainly do.

As someone who's been in a relationship for more than 5 years: totally! I dont think tinder even existed before I got into a relationship. Dating nowadays is so... weird.

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#106
post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Absolutely. Anyone who doesn't want to feel like a commodity product that gets evaluated in two seconds should not be on Tinder. But I find it strange that the women are apparently such willing participants. If they don't want to get dick pics from the "fuckboys" (as the article calls them), why are they hanging out online with these people?

People like to complain even when they create their own problems.

Wow, what a line.

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#107
post #13

The hardest part of making those websites work is attracting women on it, and it's not easy. Men are natural predators. In 2008/9 I used a french website "adopt a guy" (adopte un mec). It was really disruptive because it gave women much more powers. Men can only "charm" women, and women must "adopt" men if they want to talk to them. To be honest I was really surprised, it worked so much better. Women were more confid…

What you are saying is that not every human is created equal?

Obviously not, when it comes to sex. Men pay for sex, women get paid for sex. That's all you need to know about the demand and supply dynamics in the sexual "market" (which Tinder embodies).

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#109

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would find it odd to claim the men were holding the power in this situation It's the stable marriage problem. There's higher risk initiating, but higher reward. Being in a receptive position means you're unable to even try for your highest preferred choice. You have to wait to see if that person chooses you. It's not a clear cut power dynamic of one over the other, though.

Of course women can also obviously send a message - just because they don't have to culturally doesn't mean they can't do it.

And men also get messages. When I was online dating, I'd get between 1 and 4 a day. But my assumption is that we're dealing with the aggregate behavior, not the outliers.

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#110
post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just a theory of mine. I feel that the odds would be greater going to a bar and doing the usual pick up routine vs vetting them ahead of time.

The only barriers to entry are having a smartphone and being able to push a couple buttons and swipe. That's not creating an environment that's even remotely exclusive, and there's zero reason to believe the few people who are excluded by it are more likely than others to have an STI. And vetting them how, anyway? You might be able to find out whether someone is a felon, but I have no idea how I would (legally) find…

It buys you time. I think that's what the OP was saying. You can stare at a match for as long as you want. In a bar, the deal expires rather quickly.
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