Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse” • Hacker News Board

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#21

Post by bithive123 » Thu, Aug 06, 2015, 9:23 PM UTC

jandrese wrote: post #9

pavlov wrote: post #3

But others lament the way the extreme casualness of sex in the age of Tinder leaves many women feeling de-valued. “It’s rare for a woman of our generation to meet a man who treats her like a priority instead of an option,” wrote Erica Gordon on the Gen Y Web site Elite Daily, in 2014. If a woman doesn't want to feel like an option, shouldn't she stay far away from Tinder? It's not like there isn't a million other way…

A woman's value shouldn't be measured by what is between her legs. If you are trying to get a sense of value to your life via hookups, you're doing it all wrong.

By the same token if you are dating using an app intended for hooking up, it's silly to complain that most of the dating pool is only looking to hook up.

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#22

Post by rrss1122 » Thu, Aug 06, 2015, 9:23 PM UTC

pavlov wrote: post #3

But others lament the way the extreme casualness of sex in the age of Tinder leaves many women feeling de-valued. “It’s rare for a woman of our generation to meet a man who treats her like a priority instead of an option,” wrote Erica Gordon on the Gen Y Web site Elite Daily, in 2014. If a woman doesn't want to feel like an option, shouldn't she stay far away from Tinder? It's not like there isn't a million other way…

Possibly, but presumably they would join Tinder because those other ways didn't produce results.

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#23

Post by CyberDildonics » Thu, Aug 06, 2015, 9:23 PM UTC

yarou wrote: post #15

meatysnapper wrote: post #7

God I wish I was in NYC. The stories I've heard from buddies there! West coast scene is not like this at all, especially not in Man-Francisco or Man-Jose (unless you like men of course).

It's the same game, there are just different players and rules. Sometimes the best choice is to not play at all.

> Sometimes the best choice is to not play at all.

You might be preaching to the choir here.

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#24

Post by s_baby » Thu, Aug 06, 2015, 9:24 PM UTC

>“For young women the problem in navigating sexuality and relationships is still gender inequality,” says Elizabeth Armstrong, a professor of sociology at the University of Michigan who specializes in sexuality and gender. “Young women complain that young men still have the power to decide when something is going to be serious and when something is not—they can go, ‘She’s girlfriend material, she’s hookup material.’

That's just as much a reflection of what women are looking for. If a woman is attracted to a guy who is "high value" relative to her then she is attracted to a guy who has options. She is attracted to guys she has a power differential with. These women could choose to settle for a relationship where they have the options and power but that's not what they want.

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#25

Post by onewaystreet » Thu, Aug 06, 2015, 9:24 PM UTC

There's the old story of the guy that walks around asking every women if they want to have sex. Eventually one always says yes. On Tinder a guy can do that without getting slapped 100 times.

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#26

Post by bradford » Thu, Aug 06, 2015, 9:24 PM UTC

Yhippa wrote: post #11

pavlov wrote: post #3

But others lament the way the extreme casualness of sex in the age of Tinder leaves many women feeling de-valued. “It’s rare for a woman of our generation to meet a man who treats her like a priority instead of an option,” wrote Erica Gordon on the Gen Y Web site Elite Daily, in 2014. If a woman doesn't want to feel like an option, shouldn't she stay far away from Tinder? It's not like there isn't a million other way…

I have been thinking about why Tinder seems like a bad deal for my lady friends. It seems that women used to hold the power in online dating but for whatever reason Tinder has turned into a site that reduces the cost (time investment and biological risk) to sleep with strangers. It seems that as that's picked up the new norm is a "race to the bottom" for women who want traditional relationships.

You say that Tinder reduces the "time investment and biological risk" of [sex].

I'm not a Tinder user, how does it reduce the biological risk? wouldn't the risk of an STD be just as great, if not greater, than the status quo?

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#27

Post by lqdc13 » Thu, Aug 06, 2015, 9:25 PM UTC

This should be in the onion.

Women use an "I'm not going to be serious" app and complain that all the men on it don't want to be serious.

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#28

Post by kltpzyxm » Thu, Aug 06, 2015, 9:25 PM UTC

GuiA wrote: post #16

For the most part, I find that most online social media just degrades human interaction. Twitter encourages short shallow quips, Facebook shows me my friends arguing angrily and pointlessly over random articles, dating apps encourage some of the behaviors described in the article. Heck, even HN encourages a certain kind of attitude that I don't find that great, all in all. I know that it's not black or white, and tha…

It's not technology you're avoiding, it's the nature of human community. Technology merely exposes you to more of it than you might otherwise experience in a developed, individualistic culture. You'll find the same vapid subjects in any third world corner coffee shop/bar/community center/eating place.

The only thing stopping people from doing this in person is a lack of familiarity.

That said, talking in person allows you to hone communication skills you might not get to practice online.

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#29

Post by static_noise » Thu, Aug 06, 2015, 9:26 PM UTC

jokoon wrote: post #13

The hardest part of making those websites work is attracting women on it, and it's not easy. Men are natural predators. In 2008/9 I used a french website "adopt a guy" (adopte un mec). It was really disruptive because it gave women much more powers. Men can only "charm" women, and women must "adopt" men if they want to talk to them. To be honest I was really surprised, it worked so much better. Women were more confid…

What you are saying is that not every human is created equal?

Re: Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”

#30

Post by enraged_camel » Thu, Aug 06, 2015, 9:27 PM UTC

Zikes wrote: post #10

pavlov wrote: post #3

But others lament the way the extreme casualness of sex in the age of Tinder leaves many women feeling de-valued. “It’s rare for a woman of our generation to meet a man who treats her like a priority instead of an option,” wrote Erica Gordon on the Gen Y Web site Elite Daily, in 2014. If a woman doesn't want to feel like an option, shouldn't she stay far away from Tinder? It's not like there isn't a million other way…

Men face the same value issues as well, that door definitely swings both ways.

Yep, I have several attractive female friends who keep multiple guys round as "options." The guys of course don't realize they're being led on and they believe they have a real shot at something more meaningful.

Sex and sexuality are ultimately about power. People who have high sexual value can totally let that power get to their heads and start taking advantage of others. This isn't gender-specific, but simply the way the world works.