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Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

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Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#981

Post by nuancebydefault »

LorenPechtel wrote: post #176
nuancebydefault wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What I found after many years, is that women (people in general, really) are not attracted to people who try too hard to get attention from them. Going through great lengths tends to result in being labeled as desperate or creepy. Try just to be friendly and talk "with" them and not "to" them, almost as if you are one of them. By doing that often enough, it will feel less awkward. Practice makes perfect. And then one…

The basic problem with this is that the ones that are trying too hard are doing so because the standard approach failed. Maybe you get lucky, but it's not a general solution.

For me it was the other way around. For many years I tried hard and I was wondering why it did not work.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#982

Post by bakioka »

xedrac wrote: post #857

Having a family solves this issue nicely. I have a wife and five kids, and none of us are lonely because we have each other. It's one of the choices I made in life that I am most grateful for.

Way to completely miss the point there bub. Most crass answer here.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#983

Post by zuzuleinen »

jvm___ wrote: post #567

Ritual, purpose and community are what's required to build a group. I cured my own loneliness episode by joining a local running group. It provides the same kind of thing as church. Ritual, we meet every week and there's a few different groups. Purpose, it doesn't feel useless to be improving your fitness level. And community comes when you suffer through a run with others. Showing up regularly means you start to int…

Do you run at the same pace? I'm just curious how can conversations between multiple people running are going on

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#984

Post by hendler »

neilk wrote: post #438

You have to be the one who creates things to do. Really, that’s it. You want to play D&D together, you host and DM. You want to just hang out, you reach out and propose what you’re doing. You want more purposeful and meaningful time, join a volunteer group you vibe with. Even if it’s meeting for coffee. You have to be the one who reaches out. You have to do it on a regular cadence. If, like me, you don’t have little…

Finland happiness study revealed the concept of "go first".

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#985

Post by erelong »

kind of a different answer but it really comes down to "politics and religion":

namely with politics, the lack of freedom which leads to more poverty and less ability to take risks to create things (so people insulate to prevent risks in a vicious cycle)

and with religion the lack of shared values as might have existed in the USA for example as we go back each decade (which leads to frequent conflict and questioning of different values in conflict and the inability to form more groups and relationships)

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#986

Post by publicdebates »

bakioka wrote: post #982
xedrac wrote: post #857

Having a family solves this issue nicely. I have a wife and five kids, and none of us are lonely because we have each other. It's one of the choices I made in life that I am most grateful for.

Way to completely miss the point there bub. Most crass answer here.

There's also a 50% chance he will not have that company at some point in his life, and will become part of the loneliness epidemic, which for some reason he's not taking into account.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#987

Post by reinhardt »

cortesoft wrote: post #576
eagsalazar2 wrote: post #481

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I love this but I think you'll be surprised at your success rate. Everyone is struggling with this, not just you. Right on the heels of covid we were debating whether to have a NYE party or just go to a friend's house for a low key thing. We were paralyzed a bit feeling like, why we weren't invited to other parties ourselves? Won't everyone already be busy doing other stuff? In the end my wife took the leap and invit…

> Everyone is struggling with this, not just you. Eh, I don't think EVERYONE is struggling with this. I am an introvert, and have no desire to go out and do more things with friends. I get enough socialization with my wife and kids, and don't really have the desire to do more things.

Same lack of desire to go out and I don't even have wife and kids, or even friends for that matter; just one friend I see once a week. Whatever the appeal/reward of socialization is for most people, I don't get it.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#988

Post by nuancebydefault »

dirtybirdnj wrote: post #20

The older people get the more disposable they are viewed as by society. When you are younger, you belong in school. When you get older, you belong at work. If you fall out of any of these social structures its extremely difficult to find your way back in. I was already pretty disconnected from society and people in general when my divorce hit and now I am completely untethered from any kind of community. Living is mi…

I know a lot of very old people who do charity work, and will continue until they fall over or until they just physically can't anymore.

Younger people are at school, a very social institution. After school they do sports or hobby, usually a very social activity. When it's their birthday, a party is organized.

When you are older, you have plenty of social interaction at work.

One of our colleagues is in a divorce. She's often miserable but gets a lot of support from her colleagues, she's invited at every activity, gets emotional support etc.

I do understand what you are trying to say though!

I'm not sure what country you live in, maybe people there are not very social... is there a possibility to move? Sometimes such event gives a totally different perspective on the world.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#989

Post by SchemaLoad »

thaumasiotes wrote: post #901
SchemaLoad wrote: post #448

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've been trying to do this. One thing I've observed is trying to arrange people to play board games is quite difficult because you can't predict how many people will show up. People get sick, misread the times, etc. And a lot of games are very sensitive to player count, so having 2 people too few or too many has the ability to make the game somewhat unplayable or risk people sitting out watching. Easier to just host…

> One thing I've observed is trying to arrange people to play board games is quite difficult because you can't predict how many people will show up. People get sick, misread the times, etc. And a lot of games are very sensitive to player count, so having 2 people too few or too many has the ability to make the game somewhat unplayable You're trying to arrange the wrong type of event. A board game group plays a variab…

Probably. Problem is I only have so much space on my table.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#990

Post by bossyTeacher »

publicdebates wrote: post #473
neilk wrote: post #438

You have to be the one who creates things to do. Really, that’s it. You want to play D&D together, you host and DM. You want to just hang out, you reach out and propose what you’re doing. You want more purposeful and meaningful time, join a volunteer group you vibe with. Even if it’s meeting for coffee. You have to be the one who reaches out. You have to do it on a regular cadence. If, like me, you don’t have little…

Sure, but this only works as advice for people who you can talk to, such as me. I'm not trying to solve my loneliness, my own personal goal is to find ways to reach out to people who sit alone all day, and are dying from loneliness, and the only way to reach them is to catch them as they walk on the way to the grocery store, and hold up a sign that they can read. The question in my mind is, what next? So far, I've on…

You have a very interesting website. Do you feel lonely? Your website portraits you as a sad person who has suffered a lot. I wouldn't say you are insignificant at all :) You do certain seem to be quite significant probably to more people than you realize even if it isn't to all the people you wish to be significant to.

I feel the best way to do what you seem to want to do is by meeting people where they are. No matter what you do, the last part of your mission relies on the lonely person. They have to choose to connect to others and then they have to do it. Arguably, that's the hardest part.

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