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Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#831

Post by kuhzaam »

alea_iacta_est wrote: post #705
kuhzaam wrote: post #632

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Any particular books you’d recommend to someone uninitiated to buddhism/stoicism?

Here you go: For stoicism: - "Enchiridion" of Epictetus. - "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius (my personal favorite that I keep reading over and over). - "Letters from a stoic" from Seneca. It's not a lot of authors but they're pretty dense and should keep you busy for a long time. For buddhism, it's a very vast subject, but I'd start with: - "Siddhartha", this is a novel but will give you an overview on the buddhist s…

This is great, thank you!

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#832

Post by benkkey »

wruza wrote: post #821
coldcode wrote: post #277

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm 64 and retired last year. I spent 4 decades programming, and everything changes all the time, and I always learned new things. I am still learning new things, and still writing code to support my generative art. Admittedly I was finally burned out of the grind of working as a programmer, but it took a whole lifetime. But to truly approach new things you have to be willing to let go of the old, even programming if…

spent 4 decades programming, and everything changes all the time A half-aged kid here. This is the source of my anxiety, that all I’ve done and learned will age, slip through fingers and become forgotten. I wish our craft could stabilize on something, but it just doesn’t.

Technology is rapidly improving, developers like us have this cycle of never ending learning new tech stack to keep up with the times.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#833

Post by mcv »

wruza wrote: post #821
coldcode wrote: post #277

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm 64 and retired last year. I spent 4 decades programming, and everything changes all the time, and I always learned new things. I am still learning new things, and still writing code to support my generative art. Admittedly I was finally burned out of the grind of working as a programmer, but it took a whole lifetime. But to truly approach new things you have to be willing to let go of the old, even programming if…

spent 4 decades programming, and everything changes all the time A half-aged kid here. This is the source of my anxiety, that all I’ve done and learned will age, slip through fingers and become forgotten. I wish our craft could stabilize on something, but it just doesn’t.

Change is the only constant, I guess. This has always been part of anything computer-related. My dad started his career with punch cards, ended doing Java. You keep learning. But you've got to do that to some extent in every career.

If anything, things are stabilizing now more than ever before. Java and Javascript are almost 30 years old, and still as relevant as ever. Computers have been "fast enough" for most purposes and aren't obsolete the moment you've bought them, like they were in the early 1990s. The x86 architecture is surprisingly still with us. And despite all the new languages and frameworks, there's still tons of stuff being done in all of the old ones. They don't get obsolete as fast as they used to.

You can never do everything. Pick what you love, and focus on that.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#834

Post by shove »

There's some great advice in this thread--it probably won't help.

Around your age I found myself saying "everyone has to learn the hard way" and that includes talking about my own nonsense. Therapy helps, a family helps, hobbies help, volunteering helps. But ultimately, everyone has to find their own way. And you will!

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#835

Post by bitxbitxbitcoin »

mancerayder wrote: post #617
bitxbitxbitcoin wrote: post #571

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The Number 2 can move to a low cost of living place. Plenty of small towns around the world and even in the US where 500k will set you up with housing security and free time to do yoga, clean living, therapy, and child-rearing. Why people don’t consider this option seriously is a different consideration entirely.

Not everyone has fully remote. In fact the largest employers of tech in New York are going the opposite way. I.e. financial services. In January the business leaders met with the Governor and the Mayor to figure out how to encourage people to come back. It's really happening. Even with hybrid, cheap housing means long commute times.

500k USD is enough to not have a 9-5 if you don’t live/work in an urban area and/or are willing to make some sacrifices like unfamiliarity with the local language. The point is to exit the rat race.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#836

Post by RonaldOlzheim »

coldcode wrote: post #277
jimt222 wrote: post #150

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see I'm 68 and this is self-limiting B.S. In the last few years I have seen many things I never saw before, and never imagined. Ironically, when I was about 30, I was in a similar position and complained to my dad that there was nothing new under the sun, everything is just a rehash of what has come b…

I'm 64 and retired last year. I spent 4 decades programming, and everything changes all the time, and I always learned new things. I am still learning new things, and still writing code to support my generative art. Admittedly I was finally burned out of the grind of working as a programmer, but it took a whole lifetime. But to truly approach new things you have to be willing to let go of the old, even programming if…

[ A quote from a novel has always been an inspiration since I read it in high school - "An artist must leave a body of work" from The Agony And The Ecstasy, about Michelangelo. If your programming no longer excites you, learn something new in programming, or even learn something that isn't programming and do that. It's not easy, and might cost you money, but wasting your life doing something you no longer care about is not worth it.

-What about economics, a management role or something else? my advice: Have the habbit to improve your habbits (including your thinking) the medicine = reading btw

]

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#837

Post by mcv »

matwood wrote: post #228
Aeolun wrote: post #168

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You don’t feel the amount of new things you see slows down considerably as you grow older? It’s not that you can’t find novel things any more if you go looking for them, but most everyday things hold no more (or less) excitement. I notice this especially much with my 3 year old son, for whom everything is fascinating. He’ll find out that sticking a bowl upside down in the water and turning it face up will make a lot…

> You don’t feel the amount of new things you see slows down considerably as you grow older? At 44 I have the opposite problem. The more I learn, the more I realize I don't know. When I was younger I had the ego of a young person and thought I was always on the cusp of knowing it all. As I got older I realized I was simply unaware. It's a bit cliché, but I started approaching everything, even things I 'knew' with a b…

> At 44 I have the opposite problem. The more I learn, the more I realize I don't know.

I'm 47 and in the same place. I have only recently come to grips with the fact that I am a good programmer and I do know what I'm talking about, but there's also so much that I still don't know. I keep learning, but you've got to pick your focus, because you can't possibly learn everything.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#838

Post by basisword »

hownottowrite wrote: post #769
tonguez wrote: post #666

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This book gets recommended a lot probably because it relates to the Holocaust, but it's worth pointing out that "Man’s Search for Meaning" describes itself as "a story". It's not a philosophical book. If you want, you can learn about the development of human thought over time. There is an entire history of philosophy. "Siddhartha" or "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" might also relate to the meaning of life but th…

If you get the full edition, there’s a complete discourse on Frankl’s method (designed for the layperson). That said, I found the actual story of his experience far more compelling and much easier to relate to… at least in a way of making any problems I might have seem meaningless by comparison.

Interestingly I found the logotherapy part of the book much more useful and compelling. Using the holocaust as an example of putting it into practice is so extreme it's unrelatable. The daily life type case studies in the second part of the book were much easier for me to learn from. Saying that, hearing a first hand account of the holocaust was powerful in its own way.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#839

Post by mcv »

alangibson wrote: post #522
thread_id wrote: post #425

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see. This could not possibly be true. You have only just begun. The mere thimble full fo knowledge and experience that you have accumulated thus far is nothing compared to what lies ahead. But only you can make it happen. Make a decision. Take an action. The comments here are loaded with wonderfu…

> This could not possibly be true. The novelty you experience when doing something new must decrease over time. To say otherwise is to say the world is infinite, which it definitely is not. At some point the buzz one gets from the novelty of new experiences is not enough to make a satisfying life. That's when it's time to look for source of meaning for your life. It's different for everyone. For me and the OP it happ…

> The novelty you experience when doing something new must decrease over time.

It goes up and down at different stages in your life.

When you're a child, everything is new, so nothing is. Everything that exists in your childhood is Normal. It might be completely new to your parents, but you've never known otherwise.

As you grow up, you get used to this normality, and new things are novel, but not that novel yet, because they're still close to what you know as Normal from your childhood.

As you get older, new stuff gets increasingly removed from your Normal, and you're amazed by it. At some point, you get used to that feeling of amazement. You get used to getting new stuff all the time. And sometimes it doesn't impact you as much because you're already completely invested in all the old stuff. Although still there sometimes is new stuff that you can't avoid, and it uproots everything. (Think internet banking for old people who have banked on paper for all their lives.)

And then you start to realize that all the Normal stuff from your childhood was probably also completely novel at the time.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#840

Post by mcv »

> I feel like I haven't achieved much,

> about $500k in savings.

> I am single and haven't had a serious relationship for many years now.

Sounds like you've focused entirely on your career (and achieved plenty there). Those savings give you freedom to try other things. Make a change, get a hobby, dive into that.

You're still young. There's tons of things you can do.

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