Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

421–430 of 890 posts

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#421

Post by aae42 »

kjeetgill wrote: post #354
DougN7 wrote: post #336

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You make a good point, but I have to admit, as someone in my 50’s, I also chuckled that some thought they were old at 35. I guess time changes all of our perspectives a day at a time.

I think it's because 30s is where a lot of people first feel age with concessions. It's right when you first feel that you heal slower, have to watch your joints more, etc. The stark contrast from your 20s when you feel progressively more bullet proof each year. Or - that's been my experience atleast.

37 year old, checking in, agree on all points

used to be able to eat what i want, move the way i want, get hurt and bounce back quickly, not so much these days

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#423

Post by erwincoumans »

learc83 wrote: post #311
diamondage wrote: post #194

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'd add that it's about detail - if you thin slice reality for efficiency, reality becomes more simplistic. But you can also discover infinitely more detail. walking into a library reveals that there is an infinite amount of things to know, and there are all kinds of differences between two similar glasses of wine etc. Perhaps its more about the spare energy of the individual available for learning and discovery

Exactly. The way I think about it is that anything is interesting if studied in enough detail. A single square inch of lawn could provide material for multiple PhDs.

Indeed. Just studying your last sentence could provide inspiration of finding funny alternative sayings to 'get off my lawn'.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#425

Post by thread_id »

alangibson wrote: post #79

This is almost exactly my life, shifted by a decade. The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see. The worst thing you can do is pine for the good old days. They aren't coming back. And they weren't that good anyway. Your best times are ahead if you can successfully adjust. What worked for me was putting down roots. I resisted it mightily…

> The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see.

This could not possibly be true. You have only just begun. The mere thimble full fo knowledge and experience that you have accumulated thus far is nothing compared to what lies ahead. But only you can make it happen. Make a decision. Take an action. The comments here are loaded with wonderful and practical advice. Louis Pasteur: "Chance favors the prepared mind".

Also consider this (this is a quote that I cannot give attribution for): "In youth we struggle with illusion of certainty. As we grow older we struggle with the certainty of illusion." We create the worlds that we live in. It is easier to follow a path that mimics and conforms to the structure of your environment. It is much more difficult to break away and define and follow your own journey. The feedback is not avaialble so you have to rely on your own internal compass. The choice is yours.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#426

Post by jays »

This happened to me around 35 as well.

It's important to recognize that you're still young in the grand scheme of things.

A lot of the other comments recommend making friends, having kids, getting married, etc. Those things might help, but can also make things worse. And ultimately, they might not necessarily fix what YOU need.

It sounds like you lack meaning in your life, motivation, and a clear direction.

It's important that you spend some time thinking about what you want your life to look like to create the happiness you desire. What's missing? What do you want to be working on? What will provide you fulfillment? etc.

You might need to go explore some new hobbies or experiences to figure it out, but therein lies the exciting part of life. Try something new and don't be afraid to fail. It's just part of journey.

Once you've got that picture of what you want your life to look out, write it down. Then start making 2-3 year plans to move your life into that direction. This should help get you excited (or scared). Use it motivate yourself to get to your desired end goal.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#427

Post by kayadera »

matwood wrote: post #228
Aeolun wrote: post #168

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You don’t feel the amount of new things you see slows down considerably as you grow older? It’s not that you can’t find novel things any more if you go looking for them, but most everyday things hold no more (or less) excitement. I notice this especially much with my 3 year old son, for whom everything is fascinating. He’ll find out that sticking a bowl upside down in the water and turning it face up will make a lot…

> You don’t feel the amount of new things you see slows down considerably as you grow older? At 44 I have the opposite problem. The more I learn, the more I realize I don't know. When I was younger I had the ego of a young person and thought I was always on the cusp of knowing it all. As I got older I realized I was simply unaware. It's a bit cliché, but I started approaching everything, even things I 'knew' with a b…

An ego of a person on the cusp of knowing it all, what a perfect description. I spent a lot of time living like this. I'm going to borrow your page on beginners mindset, living that way brings so much new life to each day.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#428

Post by eurekin »

hughrr wrote: post #132

I’m in my late 40s. Just gone through 15 years of absolute shit with an ex partner and financial chaos. Decided I’d fix it in 2019. Three important things to concentrate on: 1. Health. If that’s off, fix it first. Everything depends on health. Sort out your diet, physical fitness and health and mental health follows. I’m fitter than all my peers and both fitter and healthier than I was in my 20s. Can run a half marat…

+1 on 1. Health!

It might be personal and specific to me exactly, but focusing on health has made the best impact on my general well being and offset my "I feel old and tired" vibe.

I started out with the most general advice reg. sleep, food and exercise. I noticed that most of my peers tend to get better quicker. That made me dig deeper and I actually discovered some interesting cause and the chain of events that ultimately lead to me being sleepy, groggy and not wanting to take an action in most life activities besides top priorities, which I mostly powered through.

I believe that the general feeling is at many times, a signal from the body and strongly influences our thoughts. Like the split brain patients, that are rationalizing actions in an obviously wrong way (the left/right eye experiment, where patient comes up with elaborate explanations about, what the other hemisphere came up with).

We just feel bad - which is low level physiological cue - and translate that to all sorts of high-level frontal cortex artefacts. As the OP mentioned: former fun things aren't cutting it anymore.

I also very strongly recommend learning about mental health. My biggest gem was dr K and his channel HealthyGamer on youtube. Like, this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuZ8G_ERYUw

I've binged a lot of his videos and he advanced my understanding of psychology from "people can be sociopaths, depressed, narcissists [etc.]" into more nuanced and refined level. He also provides some tools, that can actually help in real life

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#429

Post by apatil »

When I was 35, I could have written the OP's post almost verbatim. I'm 42 now and, despite having spent two years working intentionally on the problem, am still in a similar place on the whole.

Several solutions to the OP's predicament are being advanced with a fair amount of force, and I'm finding that I don't really believe any of them. I do believe that the advice is being offered honestly and in good faith. It's also clearly a good idea to cultivate healthy habits, stay active and meet people. However, I have tried many potential solutions myself and have encountered many false summits, and the tone of the most forceful advice here matches things I would have said to myself when I was camping on them. When I imagine myself taking the advice, I can easily see myself living through the familiar progression of triumph, doubt and disillusionment.

Maybe some of us are just wired for shame, loneliness and regret, and are searching for our safe harbor (to mix in another metaphor) where we won't have to struggle or prove ourselves anymore. That thought counterintuitively makes me feel a bit better. It gives me a reason to not feel ashamed and regretful _about_ feeling ashamed and regretful, and it reifies a system that, whether or not it's the work of humans, is clearly oppressive, which creates the opportunity to find meaning in resisting it.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#430

Post by oneplane »

Remember that when you are 40 you will think of 35 as being young and full of potential. And when you are 50 you will look back at 40 and think "everything was possible". Everything is always possible until physical/mental degradation is too far along and that's when options really start to reduce.

What you currently have is experiences and money but on your own with no real anchoring/grounding, no long-lasting "thing" like a relationship, town, daily friends etc. You might even have made your work, money or materials your identity, which ends up not fulfilling.

Besides the health/social/experiences, it's also a matter of simply branching out. Just like this post on HN is essentially reaching/branching out.

Post reply on HN