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Ask HN: How to be alone?

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Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#411

Post by selimthegrim »

bitwize wrote: post #98

I started going to tech meetups in the nearest large city. The tech scene is utter crap there compared to SF or Boston but I get to interact with a few smart, like-minded people almost each week. My wife says it's been good for me. Marrying the right person helped. I'm quite in the opposite situation from you: I married for the first time in my mid-40s. I know what it's like to be alone, and to an extent I grew comfo…

Can confirm the tech scene is utter crap here but bitwize and his wife are cracking good company.

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#413

Post by robeym »

It's not good for us to be completely alone. We are social beings, and community is part of who we are. We search for truth in relationships, politics, games, drugs, anything. We search to the end of ourselves but end up with the same emptiness and questions. The truth, wholeness, community, and love we need and seek is often in the place we're too afraid to look - the Christian church. Even if you're not religious, the community and familial elements of a good Christian church are empowering. Put any biases you might have aside and take a step in. It might just be the real thing that finally makes us whole.

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#415

Post by nkrisc »

noosphr wrote: post #368
rfc3092 wrote: post #248

To get things out of the way: yes it is hard being alone. But it is also hard to be with someone and is very hard to take care of kids and family and such. And it is waaay harder to be with wrong person. There are no easy roads in life and being single is one of the easiest. Now I’ll focus on practical advise: - gym every day. No excuses. If you don’t know what to do or lack motivation- get a personal trainer. - besi…

- gym every day. No excuses. If you don’t know what to do or lack motivation- get a personal trainer. Do you people even go to the gym at all? You need time to recover. Between 3 to 5 days is the most you can humanly do. And that's if you vary your exercises as suggested by a (good) personal trainer. Any more than that and you're just asking for overtraining syndrome. Doubly so if you're nearly 40. Edit: after seeing…

On your off days just go and walk on a treadmill for 30-60 minutes. Or 15 minutes. Anything to entrench the habit until it feels wrong to not go.

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#416

Post by 152334H »

> I understand that many of you find alone-ness to be natural, and even required.

Anyone who identifies as a 'loner', 'introverted', etc. is method acting. The label only matters if there are people to convey it to. Remember that the only reason you know of people claiming this, is because they said it to an audience, not themselves.

> I'm finding it hard to actually do any of that

Figure out how to. Don't internalize psychological excuses. Use the gun-to-your-head test with extravagance.

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#417

Post by drowntoge »

noosphr wrote: post #368
rfc3092 wrote: post #248

To get things out of the way: yes it is hard being alone. But it is also hard to be with someone and is very hard to take care of kids and family and such. And it is waaay harder to be with wrong person. There are no easy roads in life and being single is one of the easiest. Now I’ll focus on practical advise: - gym every day. No excuses. If you don’t know what to do or lack motivation- get a personal trainer. - besi…

- gym every day. No excuses. If you don’t know what to do or lack motivation- get a personal trainer. Do you people even go to the gym at all? You need time to recover. Between 3 to 5 days is the most you can humanly do. And that's if you vary your exercises as suggested by a (good) personal trainer. Any more than that and you're just asking for overtraining syndrome. Doubly so if you're nearly 40. Edit: after seeing…

https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/do-you-even-lift

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#418

Post by roland35 »

robeym wrote: post #413

It's not good for us to be completely alone. We are social beings, and community is part of who we are. We search for truth in relationships, politics, games, drugs, anything. We search to the end of ourselves but end up with the same emptiness and questions. The truth, wholeness, community, and love we need and seek is often in the place we're too afraid to look - the Christian church. Even if you're not religious,…

No need to proselytize please. I think recommeding a community is not a bad idea obviously

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#420

Post by krupan »

Quick suggestions:

It's good to learn to be alone, but don't be alone too much

journaling

meetup app

Just Serve app

Facebook dating, bumble, hinge: you can say you are just looking for friendship in your profile

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