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Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#411

Post by datavirtue »

yodsanklai wrote: post #339
dr_faustus wrote: post #103

I was in similar spot with around 30. My advice: 1.) Start dating. It might be a drag and maybe embarrassing at times, but obviously not being a loser having saved up half a mil in 10 years, you will probably find someone. Don't buy into that Hollywood "soulmate" crap. More likely than not there is already someone you know or at max someone one graph edge away which will be a perfectly fine partner for the rest of yo…

> Start dating. It might be a drag and maybe embarrassing at times, but obviously not being a loser having saved up half a mil in 10 years, you will probably find someone. I wish that was true. For me, dating became incredibly harder after 40 even though my social status has considerably increased.

I have been happily married for decades. We have friends who are dating late in life. No envy here. I feel sorry for anyone on a dating app. What a shit show.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#412

Post by brabarossa »

WadeWatts8472 wrote: post #59
jason0597 wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Personally, drugs and CBT never helped me with these. Can I ask what medication/drugs were you given (or gave to yourself) when you went through these periods?

I had one bout of this (by far the worst) in like 2003. I think I tried every SSRI out there at the time plus lithium plus a bunch of stuff that like 3 different psychiatrists prescribed over a year. I would try something for like 2-6 weeks and then try another. I honestly don't remember the full list. None of it helped me. SSRIs in particular did not work well for me because they really interfered with my natural sl…

I can recommend shrooms. First experience was groundbreaking. It allowed to see how my habits (and thoughts) are pulling me down. Mushrooms are easy to grow and not addictive.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#413

Post by altcognito »

altdataseller wrote: post #303
owly wrote: post #230

LOL. Getting old is 35. ONLY $500K in savings at 35. Such a sad story. So sorry for you, as most people are lucky to have saved $50K at 35 or even 55! Money has no meaning if you are feeling lost with $500K. Seriously though, my advice would be stop comparing yourself to others. Older or younger, married or single, successful or not, fit or fat. Know thyself. Go on a meditation retreat. You have nothing to lose and n…

I don’t think you need to underplay OP issues. While he may be better off financially than lots of people, feeling lost with little passion for life is still not a good situation, and he deserves to feel the way he does.

He's not underplaying it. He is telling him to have perspective. Life has been pretty good to OP, at least as he portrays it.

OP is not wrong. Time is running out. His best physical years are behind him. On the plus side he has deep experience. He probably has seen quite a bit. Maybe his feeling of having seen everything is justified.

Existential dread is a bit of a thing, but it comes for the successful and the truly unsuccessful alike.

OP is also probably right, it's probably time to find a new passion, in tech or outside of tech. All of the other advice in this thread to really make sure you're focused on your health in all forms from this age forward is spot on.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#414

Post by hackerfromthefu »

romanovcode wrote: post #177
jart wrote: post #141

Earlier quoted context omitted.

(3) is a very negative way of looking at things. Do you think Bill Gates did it on his own? You don't have to be famous in order to play a small part of something impactful that's larger than yourself and will be respected for generations.

> play a small part of something impactful that's larger than yourself and will be respected for generations. So do you know anyone from MS who played part except Bill Gates and Steve Ballmer? I would attribute the guy who invented C# and TypeScript a significant impact, however I don't even know his name without googleing it.

Anders Hejlsberg, also the architect of turbo pascal, delphi, and j++ before c# and then typescript!

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#415

Post by aiisjustanif »

owly wrote: post #230

LOL. Getting old is 35. ONLY $500K in savings at 35. Such a sad story. So sorry for you, as most people are lucky to have saved $50K at 35 or even 55! Money has no meaning if you are feeling lost with $500K. Seriously though, my advice would be stop comparing yourself to others. Older or younger, married or single, successful or not, fit or fat. Know thyself. Go on a meditation retreat. You have nothing to lose and n…

Where did OP ever compare themselves to any but their younger self..?

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#416

Post by jart »

sillysaurusx wrote: post #308
jart wrote: post #287

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Companies normally don't fire a crackerjack but that happened to me back in the 2000's during one of the more vulnerable parts of my life. The vice president who recruited me took a higher paying gig at a competitor. Then my manager went on a weeklong vacation. I showed up to work one day and found that my computer couldn't access the network. I asked the IT guy what happened and with a bead of sweat rolling down his…

“Companies don’t fire a crackerjack” implies that you’ve always been seen as an all-star team member. Consider an alternate universe where you were never allowed to feel like an all-star, because you were never able to show up for meetings on time, and people got progressively madder at you regardless of how much soul or effort you put in. We’re probably two sides of the same coin. You got lucky at all your jobs, and…

What you call luck, I'd call magic. The important thing to understand about magic tricks is they're really not all that magical once you learn how to perform them. People are also willing to overlook a great deal when they believe you're a luckbringer. My manager for instance cared about me on a personal level because I was contributing to his success. When the VP took me away, it weakened him.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#417

Post by datavirtue »

stonewashed wrote: post #256
dr_faustus wrote: post #103

I was in similar spot with around 30. My advice: 1.) Start dating. It might be a drag and maybe embarrassing at times, but obviously not being a loser having saved up half a mil in 10 years, you will probably find someone. Don't buy into that Hollywood "soulmate" crap. More likely than not there is already someone you know or at max someone one graph edge away which will be a perfectly fine partner for the rest of yo…

> I have a hard time to see any relevance in a life without children anymore So do I. Unfortunately I don't have any and most likely never will (the wife can't). Combined with an unfulfilling job, this makes most days quite pointless and hard to bear. Personally I try to distract myself, not think too much about these things and just wait for it all to be over.

Can you adopt? There are kids out in the world with no one and who bounce from foster home to foster home until they are booted out of the system at 18. Abandoned again.

Focus on really helping people before you slide into depression.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#418

Post by slothtrop »

hughrr wrote: post #132

I’m in my late 40s. Just gone through 15 years of absolute shit with an ex partner and financial chaos. Decided I’d fix it in 2019. Three important things to concentrate on: 1. Health. If that’s off, fix it first. Everything depends on health. Sort out your diet, physical fitness and health and mental health follows. I’m fitter than all my peers and both fitter and healthier than I was in my 20s. Can run a half marat…

100% on 1&2 but would qualify, ime, travel is a cheap thrill if you overdo it. It's great to shake things up once in awhile, but not something the average person wants to sustain on a regular basis. Personal projects, hobbies, and sociable fun become the long-invested experiences

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#420

Post by user_235711 »

hownottowrite wrote: post #217

Mourning the loss of one’s youth is pretty typical. You lose a step. You didn’t do what you hoped you would do. You wasted your time. So forth and so on. Don’t worry. It gets better. This is all part of the process of life. My recommendation is that you read Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” I’m 52 here. I was a prolific programmer in my 20s. A go-go ma…

I second the "Man’s Search for Meaning" recommendation. That book is great for putting one's struggles into perspective, and emphasizing the importance of a "why."
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