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Ask HN: Tips for Hackers having Kids?

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Re: Ask HN: Tips for Hackers having Kids?

#121

Post by jtheory »

tyweir wrote: post #66
ezmobius wrote: post #26

I have a 5 1/2 month old boy named Ryland and he is just now finally sleeping all night long(9pm to 7:30am) The first 2-3 months were zombie time. I couldn't get any work done because of the sleep dep. My one biggest piece of advice. SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS. or you will get NO sleep ever. It will be the roughest thing you have ever gone through but one smile from your childs face up at yours makes it all better an…

As the father of a 1 year old girl who owns a gym and has a start-up, I agree with everything in this post. ezmobius, I wish I had more votes to give you, as this is one of the best comments I've read on HN. And an emphasis on sleeping when your baby sleeps, you may need to encourage your wife to sleep, as she'll probably want to do other things. A friend of mine with 3 kids often says, "Mom takes care of the baby, D…

> Mom takes care of the baby, Dad takes care of Mom.

I'm pretty opposed to this idea, actually.

Breastfeeding is an obvious exception (I couldn't help much with that, though during the tricky part at the beginning I learned a hell of a lot about how to help the baby latch on), but in general I think you should be doing every single baby task whenever you can.

If you don't, after a few weeks your wife will be so much better at changing diapers, changing clothes, calming the baby when it's upset, taking the baby for a walk, etc. etc. that you won't be able to do it, even when she needs you to. It'll be weird for you, weird for the baby, and you'll just get screams until Mommy comes back, and that means you'll be fairly useless when your wife most needs your help.

If you're working from home, dive in (this was how I did it).

If you are away at work during the day, then when you get home you should take over the baby as much as possible. Change the diapers, even if you're slow & awkward at first (you'll quickly improve), give a bath (also hard at first!), dance the baby around the house and sing some songs. And if the baby has nursed recently, do NOT just hand if off to mom at the first sign of distress -- figure it out yourself. When the baby cries in the middle of the night, take it far away from the bedroom (once you've figured out that it's not hungry, that is), take a deep breath, and start experimenting to learn how you can calm it (it may be different from what mom does). And actually, if you've got bigger hands and a longer reach than your wife, some of these things will be naturally easier for you anyway.

Trust me, you'll be a far more valuable daddy this way.

Re: Ask HN: Tips for Hackers having Kids?

#122

Post by jtheory »

JunkDNA wrote: post #69

There's lots of great advice here. I've got a 10-week old girl who I'm certain is the cutest, most wonderful little thing in the world. I'm assuming you're the dad (if you're the mom, I can't offer much). Stuff to think about right now : -Sleep deprivation starts early . Your wife is going to be uncomfortable as anything the last several months. She may toss and turn a lot at night. Plan accordingly. -If there is any…

> Make some meals you can easily freeze so you don't have to cook if you don't want to.

I'm glad you mentioned this -- this is my #1 tip for all new parents. But to hell with first few days (or weeks) -- freeze stuff like chili, curries, pasta sauces (with protein in them)... anything you can thaw and put on rice or pasta is great. My wife & I had a friend who was moving and needed to sell a full-size freezer that we put in our basement and totally filled over the 5 months before our daughter was born. That food lasted us months, and every time we thawed out something new we were very happy we'd done it.

I don't even remember who recommended the idea to us, but I wish I did, because we owe them big.

Re: Ask HN: Tips for Hackers having Kids?

#123

Post by jtheory »

dnsworks wrote: post #110

Oh and hope you get lucky like I did with a daughter who slept through the night from day one. It helped to have a large # of people around the first week or two constantly playing with her (as people do around new babies), keeping her generally awake during the day and exhausting her at night. Also, don't buy any books. They're all a waste of money, and you probably have enough common sense and natural instinct for…

Oh, boy. No, don't rely on common sense, particularly because you won't have much at the beginning (lack of sleep can make you impressively stupid).

You don't have to buy lots of books if you know a lot of smart parents who can bring you up to speed (and who live nearby or with you), but there's a lot of info to learn if you don't have solid kid experience yourself already.

Re: Ask HN: Tips for Hackers having Kids?

#124

Post by jtheory »

wazoox wrote: post #29
eatsleepdev wrote: post #20

My daughter is 4.5 months old now... I don't sleep much.

The hard part is getting her to sleep at night. That implies tough stuff, like not letting her fall asleep to eat some more at night, and letting her cry in her crib, in her room, later. Life is hard :)

Ah, just let her sleep in the bed with you. Babies aren't really designed to be "put to bed" separate from their parents, evolutionarily, so it's guaranteed to be tough going for most of them.

Leaving them to cry it out is not a great idea, because it undermines their sense of security and may make them more clingy later.

Re: Ask HN: Tips for Hackers having Kids?

#125

Post by geeksam »

ezmobius wrote: post #26

I have a 5 1/2 month old boy named Ryland and he is just now finally sleeping all night long(9pm to 7:30am) The first 2-3 months were zombie time. I couldn't get any work done because of the sleep dep. My one biggest piece of advice. SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS. or you will get NO sleep ever. It will be the roughest thing you have ever gone through but one smile from your childs face up at yours makes it all better an…

+1 million on sleep being the biggest issue you'll face. My daughter just turned 2(!) and she's been sleeping 9-10 hours a night for a good long while now, but it took about a year and a half for my IQ to get back up to something approaching what it was before I became a papa. Totally worthwhile to hear her say things like "I want cheese on my mat" or "all of the trains went bye-bye" or "that fell on papa's head" or "I'm a robot monkey", though.

OT to Ez: Welcome to Portland! There's a fairly active Ruby community here, embedded in an extremely active tech community: see calagator.org if you haven't already. I'm happy to share what little I know about parenting in Portland (geeksam at gmail).

Re: Ask HN: Tips for Hackers having Kids?

#126

Post by geeksam »

jasonlotito wrote: post #65
wensing wrote: post #45

If you're the type that needs your sleep, YMMV, but I am now the father of four and still a co-founder, so here goes ... NOTE: This is scattershot advice mixed with personal reflection. Salt liberally, expect typos. I started working on Stormpulse in 2004 as a hobby project a few months after we had our first child. She slept horribly for the first two years of her life--very difficult to get to sleep and woke up a l…

I just want to take a moment to second the book Happiest Baby on the Block (I got the book, apparently there is a DVD). It truly is a "baby hacks" book. I read it cover to cover months before my first baby was born, and while I don't remember all of it, I retained enough that I am the goto person for baby burps and swaddling my children. My first born (now 20-months) slept well, was easy going, and is a well-behaved…

+1 for the Happiest Baby on the Block. We borrowed the DVD from somewhere, and it was great. Simple and repetitive, too, which makes it great for parents of newborns.

Re: Ask HN: Tips for Hackers having Kids?

#127

Post by geeksam »

Really, ezmobius nailed it. I feel compelled to chime in on Baby Stuff, though. (You don't need as much as you think you need, but a few things were really great.)

I emailed a friend with some advice on items we found useful (and a few things we didn't), but it's too long to just paste here, so I'll summarize...

My Brest Friend (put this one in your "OMG the baby's coming" bag!), a baby carrier (we love our Beco, but find a carrier or sling that fits you while letting the baby breathe), "Happiest Baby on the Block" DVD, specially-designed swaddling blankets, and (optionally) a "yoga" ball for bouncing babies to sleep. Big stroller may not be necessary (we mostly wore our daughter, and that big stroller will eat the entire car trunk), but strollers with pneumatic tires are really nice to push.

Later, Kiddopotamus makes fantastic rubber bibs and placemats. (Seriously, their placemat is genius.) We found that the $25 Fisher-price "Healthy Care Deluxe" booster seat beats the pants off of much fancier highchairs.

Ping me at geeksam at gmail if you'd like the long version. (=

Re: Ask HN: Tips for Hackers having Kids?

#128

Post by pbhjpbhj »

lrm242 wrote: post #117
pbhjpbhj wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>That way we can leave the kids at home and go have a nice lunch together and maybe see a movie without the hassle of babysitters and late nights. Don't have kids, no "hassle"! As for (d) kids are your productivity, they're are what you've produced, they will be your lifes work. Don't sideline them, don't let nannies have all the fun.

Sideline them? Actually I think its theraputic for the kids to allow other people to take care of them. It helps them adjust to the world and understand that mommy and daddy DON'T have to be there for them to thrive.

Indeed, balance: "don't let nannies have all the fun" emphasis added.

I let a 7yo I'd never met take my 16mo old off to the playpark today .. I did watch from less than 50m away though, perhaps I'm holding the reins too tight?

Re: Ask HN: Tips for Hackers having Kids?

#130

Post by jules »

jtheory wrote: post #124
wazoox wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The hard part is getting her to sleep at night. That implies tough stuff, like not letting her fall asleep to eat some more at night, and letting her cry in her crib, in her room, later. Life is hard :)

Ah, just let her sleep in the bed with you. Babies aren't really designed to be "put to bed" separate from their parents, evolutionarily, so it's guaranteed to be tough going for most of them. Leaving them to cry it out is not a great idea, because it undermines their sense of security and may make them more clingy later.

Isn't that dangerous? I heard that you should never ever do this while sleeping because of danger of suffocation.
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