Ask HN: Tips for Hackers having Kids?

Me, I've been looking for a Provigil prescription.

My daughter though is my biggest treasure, nothing in life will ever make me as happy, fullfilled and scared of loosing than her.

I've been a dad now for 3 months (currently working long hours and waiting for baby to wake up for her 3am feeding)

I've learned to value sleep, I think of weekend afternoons as brain-rebuilding sessions, I sleep as much as I can saturdays and sundays.

Now, I try to do email, hacker news and all the dilly dallying after I'm home and everyone is asleep, during the day I try to be as productive as possible, since I feel I should head home as early as I can to be with my daughter and help my wife.

Congratulations and welcome to the club (it's indeed a club, you'll notice other parents nodding back at you when you have your baby with you, also you'll notice how babies are to women as hot girls are to guys, they can't help but turn around and look at you and your baby)

Yeah, it should just be eatdev now.

I have a 5 1/2 month old boy named Ryland and he is just now finally sleeping all night long(9pm to 7:30am) The first 2-3 months were zombie time. I couldn't get any work done because of the sleep dep.

My one biggest piece of advice. SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS. or you will get NO sleep ever.

It will be the roughest thing you have ever gone through but one smile from your childs face up at yours makes it all better and reinvigorates you for another shot of energy for whatever you need to do.

Trust me though you will need to take at least 4 weeks off work for paternity leave assuming you are the father. Then once you go back to work expect to only work on the computer when you are at work. When you get home expect your wife to want some help with the kid and dinner etc. and don't expect to get any computer time at night for the first 3-4 months.

You will only get computer work done at work when you are away from the house and at the office. When you are at home your wife will have a constant stream of little things she will want you to do and you will feel like a slave, but then you will imagine what she goes through being alone with the baby all the time. and you will have mad respect for her.

Mostly try to be supportive and learn to not mumble under your breath when she asks you to do a million little things, Just do them and move along. It will pass soon once the baby hits 6 months or so and starts to have a real personality that you can interact with.

The first 4 months out of the womb is considered the 4th trimester and the kid is really still a foetus. Literally they cannot do anything for themselves until about 4 months. So its all up to you ad your spouse to do everything for them. They will be all floppy for a while not even able to hold their head up without support.

Trust me though it will all be worth it every time your little one smiles in your face and you will be re-invigorated.

Its the most incredible thing that has every happened to me and it made me re-evaluate my life and make major changes(like major changes). I resigned from my startup that I founded after 4 years(engine yard: really long story i'll write a book about someday ;)) to make sure i could spend this time with my son as much as possible. I cannot say what I am doing next but I am moving to Portland where my folks live in order for my son Ryland to be closer to his grandparents. And got a job that was understanding about working remote and weird hours. My new boss is the coolest ever he literally said "As long as you shit good code I don't care where your toilet is" :P

Don't worry, it will come naturally to you like it has to all humans thhroughout time. But remember this

SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS DURING THE FIRST 4 MONTHS

good luck! and congratulations!

Thanks for the kind insights, I guess this is exactly the reason I posted the thread. Right now as Hackers we're totally motivated by succeeding with our businesses, then all of a sudden the world is turned upside down & priorities get shuffled (in a good way of course!).

Best of luck with the next venture, maybe we all can do a followup thread in a few years on "Tips for ensuring your Kids grow up into successful Hackers."

I was keen to respond to this thread until I read the above response. Ezmobius has absolutely nailed it.

I'm an incredible proud Dad to a fifteen week old baby boy and his advice echoes every single thing I was going to say.

Then once you go back to work expect to only work on the computer when you are at work.

I'd like to elaborate on this point. Leaving Mum & baby at home will be difficult for a while, I still struggle with it immensely but it is hugely important to remember that your job is absolutely instrumental as you are now the main breadwinner and your family is relying on you to work hard every minute you are away from them. As hard as it may be to leave them at home, don't let it be a waste of time, make sure that you are giving 100% when you are away and please don't bring your work home with you if you can avoid it. Whilst at work, focus on it 100%. Don't spend all day at work wishing you were at home.

Be prepared to argue like crazy with your other half. Regardless of how strong your bond is, you will fall out. Her patience with the baby may be beyond comprehension but do not expect that patience to extend to you. As stressful as it may be for you, I can guarantee it will be worse for her, infinitely worse if she's breastfeeding. Maintain perspective and learn to let everything slide.

Final point: Routine. Routine, routine, routine, routine. Sleep will become a rare and priceless commodity so it is crucial that you establish a bedtime routine from the beginning. Find a routine and stick with it. Read to your kid every single night. Even if it's just for a couple of minutes. It may seem pointless in the beginning but stick with it. Babies bedtime is now my favourite part of the day.

Good luck mate. It's an incredible journey.