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Ask HN: Tips for Hackers having Kids?

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Re: Ask HN: Tips for Hackers having Kids?

#101
post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's absolute bliss! We are incredibly lucky, since 10 weeks old, baby Cameron has been sleeping a minimum of 8 hours a night. Sometimes it takes 10 weeks, sometimes it takes 8 months, either way, it's worth the effort. Kids thrive on routine.

We kind of took the other route, our daughter slept whenever there was time really. We took her backpacking across Europe for 2 months when she was 8 months old, she just slept whenever she was tired. At home she would go to bed if we were at home, but we didn't hesitate to go out for dinner or to a friends house or whatever and she'd just sleep whereever we ended up. In contrast some of our friends have kids who wil…

This sounds a lot like our philosophy on sleep.

My sister gets in a panic if the kids aren't in the bath at a particular time, aren't in bed on routine haven't finished a meal at the set time, etc.. PITA I say.

We've had problems now that J has gone to school. We couldn't keep the same sleep regime as we had to be up to get to school.

Re: Ask HN: Tips for Hackers having Kids?

#102

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Routine. Routine, routine, routine, routine. This. It took us 8 months to get it sorted but now our little boy just about begs to be put to bed and he sleeps 10 hours a night without a sound.

My experience 1 year into Fatherhood agrees with this. We put baby on a cyclic routine of Eat, Play, Sleep since about day 7. She was sleeping through the night at 8wks. Check out "On Becoming Babywise", Gary Ezzo. Like all the other papas here say, BE SENSITIVE TO YOUR WIFE. Be aware that as your wife breast feeds (if she does) her hormones are still rocking to a different beat every hour. Let complaints roll off yo…

@pbhjpbhj > Nope. In the early weeks, she did feed the baby about every 4 hours, but after about 8-9 weeks she woke the baby around 10pm and fed her and then again at around 6am. We considered it "Through the night" because it was solid sleep for us.

Re: Ask HN: Tips for Hackers having Kids?

#103

Me, I've been looking for a Provigil prescription. My daughter though is my biggest treasure, nothing in life will ever make me as happy, fullfilled and scared of loosing than her. I've been a dad now for 3 months (currently working long hours and waiting for baby to wake up for her 3am feeding) I've learned to value sleep, I think of weekend afternoons as brain-rebuilding sessions, I sleep as much as I can saturdays…

I'm convinced modafinil and the like would help a lot in sleep crisis moments in the early stages, though a problem is that you need to catch up on the sleep /eventually/ so it could never be a regular, routine solution. Another problem is that such drugs take time to kick in and you might not know when such a crisis moment would be in advance.. You tend to break fast under baby and sleep related stress. For the birt…

Interestingly the Wikipedia page doesn't say what it actually does - you'd think it would be headline info, what's the intended result of the medication.

Seems modafinil replaces amphetamines for keeping you really awake when your body wants to sleep. I don't think that the first response to your body saying it needs sleep should be to reach for some mood altering drugs to make it pretend to itself that it doesn't really need sleep.

Grandparents. If you've got 'em close enough (ours aren't) then they, or other friends/family that will do a couple of hours with the kids, are what you need IMO.

Re: Ask HN: Tips for Hackers having Kids?

#104
post #69

There's lots of great advice here. I've got a 10-week old girl who I'm certain is the cutest, most wonderful little thing in the world. I'm assuming you're the dad (if you're the mom, I can't offer much). Stuff to think about right now : -Sleep deprivation starts early . Your wife is going to be uncomfortable as anything the last several months. She may toss and turn a lot at night. Plan accordingly. -If there is any…

Be careful with the white noise, there is evidence that it may disrupt development of auditory neural pathways in children. http://www.webmd.com/baby/news/20030417/white-noise-may-dela... This is because the brain learns to identify and manage familiar sounds, but there is no structure to white noise so the nerves are never able to develop a pattern.

Re: Ask HN: Tips for Hackers having Kids?

#105
Well a lot depends on the other adult(s) that will be helping to raise the child. I do have one piece of advice though:

No matter how much time you think kids will take, it will take longer, even if you take this advice into account.

Remember that guy in college who started playing EQ and (nearly) flunked out? It's more time-consuming than that.

Re: Ask HN: Tips for Hackers having Kids?

#107
Be the parent you want to be. A lot of people are going to talk about what the best way to raise a kid is, but you are going to know your kid better than all of them, so do what is right for your family.

Dote on your wife. Give her a foot rub every night.

The burden of a child kind of weighs heavy at times - "holy crap I could serious fuck this kid's head up!" - but remember that most people grow up to be okay regardless of their parents. As long as you're a good and loving person so will your child be.

If you're like me, jokes about kids are going to become seriously unfunny for a few years. If you watch cop shows and dramas you'll notice a lot of kids dying or being threatened and where you might not have had those heartstrings to be tugged in the past, when they first get installed they are fiercely powerful.

My favorite book about childhood development is http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Going-There-Brain-Develop/dp/055... "What's Going On In There" which was written by a neurobiologist because she started thinking about what was happening when she was pregnant. I consider it the Hacker's Guide to your Kid's Brain.

My oldest is 4 now, he's about to start junior kindergarten. Seeing him (and my youngest who is 6 months) develop is fascinating and rewarding. Don't give up on your goals and dreams but remember that there's always going to be work waiting for you. Your kids are only kids for a while.

Re: Ask HN: Tips for Hackers having Kids?

#108
One of the things I found, is right before my wife had our first son, people used to tell us that it is going to be soo worth it once you see the face of the baby.

I won't lie...it was SOOO anti-climatic for me. I didn't feel all bubbly inside when he was born, and I kinda felt bad because I thought that I might be horrible for not feeling all 'father-y'. I am not sure if this is something that happens to everybody, but it did to me.

The first three months were tough. Physically and mentally. Your wife is going through some more serious body changes (i.e. healing from bringing another human into the world), and the human you guys brought in is reliant on you for - literally - everything.

It can be psychologically draining and physically taxing. You get little sleep, no matter how much you try to sleep while the baby sleeps.

However, just remember that the first few months are the roughest....it usually gets better from there on.

My son is now 2.5 years old and I can't believe where the time has gone.

I ask him to say 'hippopotamus' and he says 'ip-oh-pon-oh-mus'. Just for that little moment alone, everything I have been through for the last 2.5 years, all the medical bills, all the midnight rushing to the ER, all diaper changes, everything is worth it.

Typically, once the baby starts responding to you, guys tend to prefer that stage. It is SOOO worth it...so just hang in there, and like ezmobius said - do what your wife wants (although you will be exhausted as hell you never went through what she went through, so no bitching) and do it with a smile. She will appreciate it. If she appreciates it, you will too :)

P.S. I have since deactivated my data plan on my bb, because when I was with my son, I realized I wasn't really 'with him'. I was always checking my mail or responding to bbm. It's good to be away from the computer when you are away from the computer.

P.P.S Oh...my wife is about to give birth to our second (a girl this time), so I was writing this as much for myself as it was for you. Just to remind myself what I went through and preparing myself for what is ahead. Once the 3 - 6 months pass, you forget it. So it's important to try to take a walk down memory lane.

Re: Ask HN: Tips for Hackers having Kids?

#109
Hire a housecleaner, don't even think about splurging on this. You want to spend the next few months with your family, not focusing on menial tasks. The $150/month I paid to have a team come and clean my house every Wednesday during the first year was by far the best service I'd ever paid for.

Nannies are also awesome.

Re: Ask HN: Tips for Hackers having Kids?

#110
Oh and hope you get lucky like I did with a daughter who slept through the night from day one. It helped to have a large # of people around the first week or two constantly playing with her (as people do around new babies), keeping her generally awake during the day and exhausting her at night.

Also, don't buy any books. They're all a waste of money, and you probably have enough common sense and natural instinct for the first 18 years.

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