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The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

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Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#931

Post by lunchables »

hughes wrote: post #46
Aaronstotle wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Attend some meetups in your area/start going to the gym regularly if you aren't already, I find the gym is a good way to meet people.

Are they? I usually feel like the last thing I'd ever do at a gym is talk to someone, and someone talking to me would be really surprising...

I cannot think of anything worse than someone trying to talk to me while I'm at the gym. I'm very regimented, I've got specific exercises (sets and reps) and I'm watching my rest intervals to the second and mentally preparing for the next set. Just thinking about someone interrupting me between sets is giving me anxiety.

I guess it comes down to how you operate at the gym, is it a class, lifting, cardio? For me it would be really frustrating.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#932

Post by lunchables »

paganel wrote: post #644

> Especially now that Uber has a STFU option I never understood why people are so against talking to the people that give them a ride. I once was in a very rough spot in my life and talking with taxi-drivers almost daily about the most trivial stuff (weather, politics, traffic) used to give me a very healthy reprieve from the black thoughts I used to have.

>I never understood why people are so against talking to the people that give them a ride.

Its frequently one of the few times during the day where I do not have to interact with someone, especially when traveling for work. Sometimes I just want 10 minutes to myself to think.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#933

Post by malvosenior »

abledon wrote: post #889
malvosenior wrote: post #19

I look at so many of my single friends who are achingly lonely (late 30s to early 40s) and they all have a particular trait in common: they obsess about the possibilities the future may hold yet don’t acknowledge the hard work it would take to get there. There’s also a sort of collective delusion that if you wait around long enough, your dream partner will show up and that if a relationship takes any work at all that…

i like your style of thinking, can you put down 5-10 bullet points of knowledge you think we should all know or sources of knowledge we should investigate.

Sure, the best place to start is The Century of The Self:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Century_of_the_Self

It’s a great look at the rise of marketing, individualism and hedonism in the 20th century.

Democracy In America is another great source:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Democracy_in_America

It’s an extremely prescient, outsider’s look at the tyranny of the masses.

I would also suggest studying the context of the 20th century, especially the lead up with the industrial revolution and both world wars. It’s often lost on people that Western life as defined by American sitcoms was an anomaly powered in large part by the rest of the first world being nearly obliterated. This leads ultimately into global recovery and globalism which I see as a normalization of life after WWI and WWII.

Post-modernism is good to learn about as well. I feel like a lot of people mistake modernism and post-modernism. Post-modernism can actually include a lot of things modernism rejects, such as traditional family structures. It just does it piecemeal framed in a totally different (non-religious) context.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#934

Post by lunchables »

merpnderp wrote: post #304
40acres wrote: post #199

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I heard someone describe this as the "capstone" vs "conerstone" model. Previous generations got married and had kids much earlier, and built their lives off of that cornerstone. When it comes to me personally and my peers, we see marriage and children more as a capstone -- something to be done once our student loan is paid, or when we're ready to put a down payment on a house, when we get that promotion, etc.

I'm still in awe that starting off your life with massive student loans is a thing. This is almost always a very poor decision as there are tons of cheap regional schools where a part time job can mostly get you through school with very little debt. And yet we've got a generation of new adults starting life under crushing debt that purchased them something of dubious value (an expensive degree versus a cheap one). My…

>I'm still in awe that starting off your life with massive student loans is a thing.

I'm of the opinion that, at least in the US, we romanticized the idea of "going off to college" to "find yourself". It is assumed to be this huge drug-fueled, party sex orgy that is funded on essentially credit.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#935

Post by leetcrew »

duderific wrote: post #751
tracker1 wrote: post #586

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Along a similar note... kids are for the young. When you're in your 20's it's MUCH easier to play with young kids and at least try to keep up as it is when you're in your 40's. There's also something to be said for averting hookup culture and actually trying to build a relationship as opposed to ejecting at the first sign of inconvenience. I say both of these things as a twice divorced 40-something that hasn't had ki…

FWIW I'm 50 and have an almost 5-year-old and almost 1-year-old. So far I'm keeping up with them OK. I am a bit worried about having an 18 year old and being 68 though. We'll see how it goes.

my dad was 45 when I was born and 47 when my brother was born.

maybe he didn't have as much energy as some of the younger dads when I was a kid. but on the other hand he was able to retire while I was in high school, so he was able to spend a lot more time with my brother and I before we moved out.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#936

Post by ironic_ali »

checkyoursudo wrote: post #809
cwp wrote: post #677

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had a bout of this about 20 years ago, so I made a rule for myself: I wasn't allowed to decline an invitation. If somebody proposed doing something together and I was able, I had to do it. That made a huge difference in my life. I did a lot of things that were... unexpected. (A few examples: I joined an ultimate frisbee league. I went skydiving. I joined a church group. I went to a strip club. I attended a wedding.…

I have a similar rule with my wife, that she doesn't know about. If she wants to do something with me, then I say yes, as long as I don't have a prior commitment, or, you know, am not sick or physically unable. I started this rule with her from the moment we met. I think it is part of why we stayed together all these years, and why we worked out well when so many of my previous relationships didn't. I love a lot of s…

Great advice and in regards to kids I ended up sitting on the floor with our 18 month old today for over an hour, just blowing bubbles. Watching him learn to blow the bubbles himself and seeing the joy on his face was pretty special.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#937

Post by rafaelvasco »

Yeah. We can of course live our life in solitude. We have that choice. But the truth is that we are made so that we find someone, our SO, our life partner, so that we can grow together, love one another, help one another with the path of life, create a life together. It's not merely social conventions, it's deeply engrained in ourselves. Some will disagree of course, but to live alone is to miss on life imo.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#938

Post by base698 »

toyg wrote: post #760
paganel wrote: post #644

> Especially now that Uber has a STFU option I never understood why people are so against talking to the people that give them a ride. I once was in a very rough spot in my life and talking with taxi-drivers almost daily about the most trivial stuff (weather, politics, traffic) used to give me a very healthy reprieve from the black thoughts I used to have.

> why people are so against talking to the people that give them a ride. I'm an ethnic minority where I live, but I'm white. Do I want to be dragged into some racist conversation fuelled by Nigel Farage on talk-radio and by made-up stories in The Sun? Nope. Even if I did, would it change anything? Nope - a 20-min cab ride is not enough time to dispel all the crap accumulated over decades of disinformation. If I had a…

Wow, didn't know casual conversation solely existed to dispel app the crap disinformation. I've been doing it wrong this whole time.

Before I just thought it was about giving people respect and finding common ground.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#939

Post by nkg »

9HZZRfNlpR wrote: post #658
WhompingWindows wrote: post #2

I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…

I felt very similar but at the age of 20 I shut myself indoors and it's been like that ever since. Everyone has long forgot about me. I turned 31 an hour ago. I think I just got used to it. I was lucky that I inherented a small flat, although in bad condition and location. I score some freelance gigs time to time to keep myself alive. I have tried online communities or friends so to speak but I don't really get it ho…

Happy Birthday, friend!

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#940

Post by mch82 »

somatic wrote: post #754
rubicon33 wrote: post #697

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I find it so incredibly ironic that it was immigrants, fleeing countries utterly lacking in comfort, wealth, or happiness, in search of a better life for themselves and their children, that helped build the comfortable industrialized nation of the United States. It seems life - human existence - is cyclical and has amnesia. We forget too quickly what real discomfort is. Or at least, fail to strike a proper balance.

America was founded by pioneers. Immigrants didn’t start coming for their “better life” until the mid-19th century.

I don’t understand how the motivations of pioneers and later immigrants are different. What do you mean by this distinction?
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