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The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

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Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#921

Post by mcv »

realPubkey wrote: post #648
futureastronaut wrote: post #271

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I go to the gym so she does not have a skinny boyfriend. PSA, there's nothing wrong with being skinny, and some people prefer a skinny partner.

When we met I was skinny AF. I started gym and now I no more feel awkward when I see pictures with me and her. But the main profit of gym is in my mind. I'm more tolerant about everything. When people do shit I can act with a clear mind and without mental agression.

It can be surprising what exercise can do for your head. It seems to be something purely physical, but it has certainly made me more active in other ways. It's easier to say "yes" to activities when you have more energy, and that's what exercise does to you.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#922

Post by mcv »

jodrellblank wrote: post #692
futureastronaut wrote: post #271

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I go to the gym so she does not have a skinny boyfriend. PSA, there's nothing wrong with being skinny, and some people prefer a skinny partner.

I think of skinny and fat as opposites, backed up by word uses like the "Fattypuffs and Thinifers" - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fattypuffs_and_Thinifers - it's amusing that people go to the gym because they don't want to be fat, and people go to the gym because they don't want to be thin. Are there other things in life where people go to the same place for, at a glance, opposite reasons?

There are different things you can do at the gym, but more than that, with many things, the best/healthiest place to be is between two extremes rather than on either end.

Not just with weight, but with nearly everything in life: try to find a balance. Between time for yourself and spending time with others, between socialism and capitalism, almost every -ism, belief or drive taken to extremes becomes harmful, but can be a useful contribution to a balance between different concerns.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#923

Post by Fjolsvith »

sk0g wrote: post #721
cwp wrote: post #677

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had a bout of this about 20 years ago, so I made a rule for myself: I wasn't allowed to decline an invitation. If somebody proposed doing something together and I was able, I had to do it. That made a huge difference in my life. I did a lot of things that were... unexpected. (A few examples: I joined an ultimate frisbee league. I went skydiving. I joined a church group. I went to a strip club. I attended a wedding.…

As much as I'd like to follow the rule, I think I have an actual, varied social life now, and this would be... Risky. I've been invited to a violent sounding orgy of the many male, one female kind (always been a dream of the girl's, but I do have someone I'm seeing). In the last few months, also been invited to an open Satanic book reading sessions. Beginner friendly, I had been told.

Hah, made me remember an activity I did in my youth - male dancer for bachelorette parties. Sure met lots of people doing that!

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#924

Post by Fjolsvith »

kenneth wrote: post #778
WhompingWindows wrote: post #2

I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…

Another idea: be an expat. Move to a foreign country that speaks a different language and take language classes. First, it'll be a big valuable change, and it'll provide plenty of adventure, and expats are quick to make new friends given the shared isolation. I would recommend China or Taiwan.

Roatan, Honduras. With daily cruise ships in port, there's a steady influx of English speakers. Its cheap to live there, too.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#925

Post by swejo »

Barrin92 wrote: post #244
residentfoam wrote: post #106

I have been lucky enough to be able to work and live in several countries around the world. One thing in common I noticed in all these places is that guys and girls don't have time and don't want to commit to a stable long relation. They invest pretty much themselves and their time in their career, traveling , parties, dogs, cats and bitcoins :) ! The mantra is to get rich and retire at 40 years old! Travel the world…

>I think the society has (wrongly) evolved towards an individualist model at the expenses of families. that's a wrong dichotomy. There's no fundamental reason why 35 year olds don't socialize, or why our education system stops at 25, why we have no communal institutions, and so on. The alternative isn't just between individualism and the family, what is needed is building out communities in ways that gives people the…

That is an interesting opinion.

Can you expound on what you would propose. My experience is that clubs or meetups often don't forge all that close relationships. Another example I could think of which is more positive is co-ops where people lived in a door room type experience with community rules and chore responsibilities (cooking, cleaning, maintenance). But I think many adult American's would think of a co-op as to close to a commune.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#926

Post by MH15 »

souprock wrote: post #649
beat wrote: post #462

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Pretty severe autism. The main reason we never just kicked him out is because he really can't function on his own. He'd suck at being homeless. That was hard for me to get used to, as I've been on my own since I was 18. And his sister moved out as soon as it was practical for her, although she lives just minutes away and we see her at least weekly. And if there's one piece of parenting advice I can offer, it's this..…

I might have one like that, unless you mean the non-verbal type. He has to go soon, probably age 20 at the end of summer. He did just barely manage an AA degree, so perhaps he is better off than yours. He is sometimes wildly inappropriate. He has to go for lots of reasons. One is that I'll have 11 other kids to devote my resources to. Another is that a bit more of a push might get him to fly. Another is that I've see…

Why did you decide to have so many children?

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#927

Post by MH15 »

droptablemain wrote: post #700

As someone who is single and "kinless," reading this hit pretty hard. I have had a total of probably less than 12 hours of IRL human contact over the past year. I work 100% remotely, so I suppose this isn't surprising. Dating was incredibly frustrating, so I stopped. Moved to a new city, no friends, etc. Lately I find myself dreaming of the incredibly mundane -- like sitting and having a conversation with a friend, h…

Join an adult spots league or other club. This behavior isn't healthy in the long term.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#928

Post by gdy »

55555 wrote: post #767
soulofmischief wrote: post #759

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Suicide rates have skyrocketed for middle-aged white men in the US. They are now the highest statistic. [0] It's happening already. • Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US. • The age-adjusted suicide rate in 2017 was 14.0 per 100,000 individuals. • In 2017, men died by suicide 3.54x more often than women. • White males accounted for 69.67% of suicide deaths in 2017. [0] https://afsp.org/about-suicide/s…

> men died by suicide 3.54x more often than women That's a very interesting statistic considering women attempt suicide 1.2x more than men.

Some people 'attempt' suicide to attract attention, compassion, whatever. Obviously, dying is not in their plans.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#930

Post by _khau »

toasterlovin wrote: post #392
ecoled_ame wrote: post #240

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Seriously. The only reason I could justify having kids would be if I looked around, thought to myself "gee, there seems to be a shortage of people", and then I would replicate. Justifying replication for the sake of one's happiness is such a logical folly that it makes me die inside.

Having children bestows the incomparable gift of life on other people (your children). Bestowing that gift is the part of having children that makes someone happy. It's not a self centered happiness; the day-to-day of raising children is frequently miserable.

Come on now.

Don't try to make out like your choice to have a child is because you want to 'spread happiness'.

It's a biological imperative to perpetuate your genetic code and is the single most selfish and egotistical thing you can do with your life.

Don't delude yourself that it is anything different than any other species procreating.

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