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I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

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Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#91
post #80

This is a male outlook and take this for what you will, but I'm a programmer, and I've found that so much of overcoming addiction (drinking and porn, mainly), bad sleeping cycles, and raw anxiety, social or otherwise, comes form improving your sex life. For me this doesn't mean monogamy, or at least I haven't met a girl in some time I'm ready to be exclusive with, mainly because I've become aware of just how many fis…

because you know, women exist to give you a rush and re-center you. nothing's better than ton of pussy when it comes to treating your various addictions and sleeping/personality disorders.

Hmm... ok I see how this looks like "I'm objectifying women." Perhaps this was carelessly worded - although I will say you're imposing a double standard if you think women don't objectify or use men for the reasons you mention.

I mean 'sex life' to mean the sex, the intimacy, and the companionship. There's no misleading of intentions. They are awesome relationships that improve both participants. If you're just 'chasing pussy', as you interpreted it, you're clearly not going to be fulfilled.

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#92

Man, first thing: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You are not the first human to become addicted, nor will be the only one. There are people out there that have been in a worse situation than you and that have gone out of addictions. You should find those people, meet them and get out of drinking. Over years you made a path that you have to undo. This will take years, like it took you to create it. Your wife and kids did the righ…

I'm not an alcoholic, but it's great to see support like this. Cheers.

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#93

This is a male outlook and take this for what you will, but I'm a programmer, and I've found that so much of overcoming addiction (drinking and porn, mainly), bad sleeping cycles, and raw anxiety, social or otherwise, comes form improving your sex life. For me this doesn't mean monogamy, or at least I haven't met a girl in some time I'm ready to be exclusive with, mainly because I've become aware of just how many fis…

This is a really easy thing to say, but it's hard to snap your fingers and be instantly surrounded by willing sexual partners if you're stuck in a rut.

I agree... It is a chicken-egg kind of problem.

Fortunately there are concrete steps men can take to improve their sex lives, and sometimes just taking basic steps is enough to get you on your way.

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not at all. You can take Ritalin and Adderall, but that will give you the personality of an accountant and take away your creative problem solving skills.

I'll bite. This hasn't been my experience nor the experience of anyone I know who uses Ritalin or Aderall (or Dexedrine). YMMV

Found an interesting article that discusses the tight-rope add/adhd'ers walk when medicating.

http://www.thefix.com/content/adderall-addicts

I honestly must say I've never read into Atomoxetine, and it looks interesting.

Edit: A randomised double-blind placebo-controlled trial found that atomoxetine is an efficacious weight loss medication

Never mind..

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#96
post #76

That's surprising because at least in my case I discovered when I was a teenager that boozing and coding don't mix. Even small amounts of alcohol make it hard for me to concentrate on any amount of programming, and so that is why I rarely consume it. I just like coding more than boozing.

Nah, even blind drunk, I've been able to write bulletproof, complicated code. Stuff that checks out the next day as perfectly fine - furthermore, stuff that I can remember the entire thought process behind. It differs from person to person; some people simply can't think or remember clearly at all when drunk, some other people have a "Ballmer Peak" https://xkcd.com/323/ - I'm not sure why, but I think it might have to do with mild amounts of alcohol relaxing their mental processes and helping them get over certain mental hangups that trip them up, normally. Other people have a Ballmer Plateau, where the alcohol allows them to enter a meditative state of complete and utter mental focus, allowing them to be fully lost in their work, and to work at 100% capacity as long as the buzz lasts. Sort of a working "trance", if you will, freeing them from all procrastination.

I suspect this is a large part of the allure for many ADHD-types; the freedom from procrastination is something they're afraid they can't otherwise achieve.

I know this sort of thing is the case in a lot of fields which require similar "non-procrastinative focus for hours on end". Writers, artists, animators, musicians - all of these have tons of people who struggle to knuckle down and put in long hours without a buzz going. Stephen King talked about this a lot in his autobiography - I could quote a lot of other anecdotes from other people, but his really had a personal effect on me.

-

I struggled with this myself (I drank for maybe 6 years in/after college, and I drank pretty hard for a few of them). It sucks because I can't recommend anything to help anyone; what worked for me was not "actionable".

What cracked it for me was when the enjoyment lost its edge; over time it just got harder and harder to hit that 'sweet spot' of the perfect alcohol buzz, and the hangovers got crummier and crummier. Finally just ... deep down, subconsciously, I was gut-reacting to the prospect of a drink with more anxiety than anticipation. That was the end; I just lost the will to try, from too much associative-emotions of pain and fatigue investing themselves in the idea of drinking. Just like that. I didn't even have to go cold-turkey; I have a drink every few months, and even just a couple drinks leaves me feeling just "crummy" enough the next day that this emotional association won't go away, and it seems to have quieted (almost) all the urges to drink I used to have. I have no fear, whatsoever, of falling off the wagon because when I do drink, I no longer feel that unstoppable compulsion to take my buzz even higher - that alone was the element that made me an alcoholic, and it's gone.

I'm happy to say I'm cured forever ... but goddamn I wish I could give that to other people.

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#97
First of all, it's great that you are sharing this publicly. It's a big first step to recovery. I can't tell you much as I'm only 31 and I enjoy alcohol, sometimes in larger doses but it's part of my culture and local way of life.

I can only tell you that beating the thing called "alcoholism" is to decide to stop drinking. That's it. My father after many years did it, one day, just like that. No one belived him. He's over 60 now and enjoys alcohol in very normal way. My friend, also 31, quit drinking completely 3-4 years ago and he was a person who drunk unbelievable amounts, even to me, just crazy. Now because of health problems he's 100% sober and he's fine! He's happy and can enjoy everything he was doing before.

So. People will tell you that it is a disease, that you are sick and you won't be able to quit on your own.. Wrong. It's only about you, your decision, your life. Take care and ask yourself some hard questions. Self-awareness and self-acceptance is the key.

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#98

I'm an escapist. Whether it's movies, youtube, video games, literally anything that is unproductive, I'll spend an inordinate time doing. Luckily, I don't drink or do any drugs, but I might as well since I'm pissing my life away. It is as if I'm stuck in neutral. However, I do make just enough money to get by. The odd thing is that I can't pinpoint why I'm this way. It wasn't always like this. I guess reason doesn't…

You might want to watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFIa-Mc2KSk I've been struggling with this as well at times.

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#99
post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had a gap in my professional career where I didn't code nor worked with computers very much and I saw a decrease in addictive behavior. Can we blame programming or isolation when coding, is this a professional disability? Too bad that there is no real interest in studying this issues from a psychological/sociological point of view.

I think we all have only so much willpower and the more we work the less willpower we have to resist temptation. I find it much easier to resist that choc chip cookie when I am not working hard than when I am in the middle of some huge project.

If that is true, then just think of how much willpower we have to exert in modern society, from the novelty and escape that the browser provides to the candy bars in the supermarket.

I read about a study some years ago that posited that, indeed, willpower is something that you deplete and have to recharge.

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#100

Or.... you could practice moderation? Alcohol does not make you into a problem. You make yourself into a problem, and lump alcohol in with all the other things that you could blame it on. Grow up. Be accountable to yourself. Don't externalise blame.

More thoughts here: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7486096

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