I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem • Hacker News Board

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#71

Post by practicalpants » Fri, Mar 28, 2014, 10:24 AM UTC

This is a male outlook and take this for what you will, but I'm a programmer, and I've found that so much of overcoming addiction (drinking and porn, mainly), bad sleeping cycles, and raw anxiety, social or otherwise, comes form improving your sex life. For me this doesn't mean monogamy, or at least I haven't met a girl in some time I'm ready to be exclusive with, mainly because I've become aware of just how many fish there are in the sea... but rather treat yourself to a dynamic and varied sex life, with multiple women. It's both a rush and a centering, re-energizing force. It fulfills biological needs and challenges you to be a better person. It's not easy, i.e. it challenges you to be a better person.

If you're feeling overly stressed, be real with yourself, do I have the sex life I want to have, am I missing out on some life experiences here? Be aware of how your sex life can relate to frustrations, addictive patterns, etc. because there is a real relationship, and it should not be discounted as a source of whatever problems you're having.

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#72

Post by zealon » Fri, Mar 28, 2014, 10:24 AM UTC

subversively wrote: post #49

scotth wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How can this be corrected?

Not at all. You can take Ritalin and Adderall, but that will give you the personality of an accountant and take away your creative problem solving skills.

Don't think so, but as others pointed, YMMV. A post I just released: http://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/21kz8l/addadhd_no_supe...

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#73

Post by andyjohnson0 » Fri, Mar 28, 2014, 10:25 AM UTC

nikatwork wrote: post #36

ludoo wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm in your same boat, nicotine is part of what makes me what I am, I feel totally depressed and unable to function without it (tried, for months). I followed your same trajectory (cigarettes -> ecigs), then found Swedish snus, much much simpler than ecigs (no batteries, liquids, etc.), 100+ yrs of history so no unknown long term side-effects, and all the nicotine you need plus some. You might want to give it a try,…

Snuus is linked to mouth and throat cancer IIRC. I'd try prepacked ecigs such as green smoke, they're more expensive than liquids but very convenient and same form factor as a cig.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snus#Health_consequences

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#74

Post by kokey » Fri, Mar 28, 2014, 10:26 AM UTC

paraiuspau wrote: post #51

TL;DR - Seek counselling to drill down into the causes for this behaviour. I had a drinking problem for 10 years, I am/was a successful systems engineer. I think I know how you feel.. Do you maybe find that you are living a life which doesn't belong to you? Or put another way, are you just "spinning"? For me, I would go on enormous binges of drink and drugs for 3 days, then abstain for 2 weeks or so. I fixed it by "p…

I think a lot of people can be helped by going on an adventure like their own Rat Park http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rat_Park

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#75

Post by yunyeng » Fri, Mar 28, 2014, 10:26 AM UTC

paublyrne wrote: post #24

yunyeng wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am thinking to move to India or Nepal somewhere near temples to clear my mind and body with books and stuff, Am I doing right ?

From my experiences in India, you might not find it clears your mind. India can seem like complete chaos to people from the West, and it kind of is. You don't have to go somewhere to find peace of mind, though. Have a look at Mindfulness - its central tenet - roughly - is that we spend too much time living in the past and the future, when we can be happy if we just accept where we are right now.

Where are you currently living ?

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#76

Post by motters » Fri, Mar 28, 2014, 10:27 AM UTC

That's surprising because at least in my case I discovered when I was a teenager that boozing and coding don't mix. Even small amounts of alcohol make it hard for me to concentrate on any amount of programming, and so that is why I rarely consume it. I just like coding more than boozing.

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#77

Post by pmelendez » Fri, Mar 28, 2014, 10:28 AM UTC

weavie wrote: post #37

mattm wrote: post #6

I have struggled with porn at times and have done a lot of research on addictions. I also have a couple friends who are alcoholics. IMO, Gabor Mate has been the best resource I have found on understanding addictions. His theory is that addictions start in childhood due to some kind of constant, ongoing stress. It could be something like abusive parents or severe bullying. When we find something that temporarily relie…

That looks great. No need for free, it looks well worth the $5!

I guess the free offer was just for OP :)

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#78

Post by easy_rider » Fri, Mar 28, 2014, 10:32 AM UTC

resdirector wrote: post #55

subversively wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not at all. You can take Ritalin and Adderall, but that will give you the personality of an accountant and take away your creative problem solving skills.

I'll bite. This hasn't been my experience nor the experience of anyone I know who uses Ritalin or Aderall (or Dexedrine). YMMV

When I did Amphetamines for the first time (and cocaine for that matter), I was like WOW. I couldn't believe the sheer mental clarity I experienced. This was more like a team of accountants on a high-speed bullet train, filing Kim Dotcom's annual taxes while doing sudoku's in the background.

I managed to take a low dose of l-amp for exactly 2 consecutive days before I started abusing again. Yes it worked, but I just want more and more. You feel like a superhero compared to baseline.

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#79

Post by forgottenpaswrd » Fri, Mar 28, 2014, 10:34 AM UTC

Man, first thing: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

You are not the first human to become addicted, nor will be the only one. There are people out there that have been in a worse situation than you and that have gone out of addictions.

You should find those people, meet them and get out of drinking. Over years you made a path that you have to undo. This will take years, like it took you to create it.

Your wife and kids did the right thing: to stop supporting your addiction. It is time for you to take steps.

I have studied a lot of psychology but I can't help you because it would be like trying to explain quantum physics before learning basic math. But there is people out there that really know what steps you could take for getting out and doing great things with your life.

Re: I am a successful software dev but I have a serious drinking problem

#80

Post by whattt » Fri, Mar 28, 2014, 10:36 AM UTC

practicalpants wrote: post #71

This is a male outlook and take this for what you will, but I'm a programmer, and I've found that so much of overcoming addiction (drinking and porn, mainly), bad sleeping cycles, and raw anxiety, social or otherwise, comes form improving your sex life. For me this doesn't mean monogamy, or at least I haven't met a girl in some time I'm ready to be exclusive with, mainly because I've become aware of just how many fis…

because you know, women exist to give you a rush and re-center you. nothing's better than ton of pussy when it comes to treating your various addictions and sleeping/personality disorders.