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Being Suicidal: What it feels like to want to kill yourself

blogs.scientificamerican.com

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Re: Being Suicidal: What it feels like to want to kill yourself

#91

Post by darius42 »

stonemetal wrote: post #73
rdtsc wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> but from my current perspective they seem corrupted and perverse. Thank you for sharing. I was wondering would it make a difference at all if someone else, (a friend, therapist, partner) would say how the current perspective is corrupted or warped. Would that make a difference? Would it help in that situation? If not, what does help, if anything to get out of that mode?

Would that make a difference? Probably not, the depressed person isn't dumb they know they are depressed. Much like if you had hallucinations that the sky was red it wouldn't matter how scientifically certain you are the sky is blue you see red. Perhaps that is a good way to describe it to someone who hasn't felt it, having emotional hallucinations in which every thing brings about fear and loathing even things that…

I think that that is a good analogy!

Re: Being Suicidal: What it feels like to want to kill yourself

#92

Post by orionblastar »

smosher wrote: post #58
orionblastar wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thanks you must be one of the few K5 users who like me alive. Most told me to "kill yourself" when I posted a diary. I think it started a K5 trend to post "kill yourself" after a Blastar-like diary. I am learning how to program all over again. I started with ANSI C and GCC and worked up to C++ with G++ in Unbuntu. Just small programs I'll move on to bigger stuff later. Just hope I don't end up like MDC, I hear he's b…

Small world. I remember quitting K5 after it filled up with people I couldn't call friends. Take care.

Thanks friend, good to hear from you again.

I hope Mike Crawford gets out of jail, he did some 911 phone calls and bragged about it on K5 and then crashed Hacker Dojo and other startup events. Here is a musical mix of his 911 tape: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7RglDs2DkA It has the Crawford Cats in it as well.

Crawford sees himself as a hacktivist and has been suicidal in the past. Here are some of the things that got him in trouble:

http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2012/04/startup...

http://startupweekend.org/2012/04/30/not-even-bmob-threats-c...

https://twitter.com/dhawalc/status/209088242094571520/photo/...

http://www.reddit.com/r/michaeldavidcrawford/comments/ur825/...

Re: Being Suicidal: What it feels like to want to kill yourself

#93

Post by smosher »

orionblastar wrote: post #92
smosher wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Small world. I remember quitting K5 after it filled up with people I couldn't call friends. Take care.

Thanks friend, good to hear from you again. I hope Mike Crawford gets out of jail, he did some 911 phone calls and bragged about it on K5 and then crashed Hacker Dojo and other startup events. Here is a musical mix of his 911 tape: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7RglDs2DkA It has the Crawford Cats in it as well. Crawford sees himself as a hacktivist and has been suicidal in the past. Here are some of the things that…

I remember a lot of mental illness and suicidal folks. Many were people I had good conversations with. A lot of the time it felt like family.

Re: Being Suicidal: What it feels like to want to kill yourself

#94

Post by kahawe »

rdtsc wrote: post #89
kahawe wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Would that make a difference? Let's assume you are a very avid programmer and love nothing more than coding and to you it is the most natural thing in the world, then let's assume someone comes along and tells you your view is just warped, corrupted and you have no idea what you are talking about. However clumsy that analogy is, how would you feel in that situation? Would your first, intuitive gut reaction be " You…

Thank you very much for sharing. It is interesting that it is possible to be so introspective and at the same time for it not to help. In a certain way that is one of the common approaches in therapy. Let patients confront their irrational persistent thoughts. Would you say that this ability confers an immunity to therapy? > stop trying to "flip a switch", no matter how much you try with the very best intentions and…

You are welcome.

>Would you say that this ability confers an immunity to therapy?

I assume you are talking about me basically over-analyzing myself and it not helping me? The curious thing really is, I think ultimately I am just doing what most depressed people are doing, digging myself in further. When before trying therapy, I felt depressed and always sort-of out of place and "wrong", now I have no shortage of "proof" how broken I am, even by design/bringing up. When before, my issues were more in the here and now, it sort of spiraled into "everything has been wrong from the very start because those are the conditions I grew up under and missed out on this,this,this etc....". A more "sophisticated" kind of very toxic thinking and turning in circles,in cycles, if you will. If this ultimately works for or against therapy or bettering oneself, I cannot say. So far I think it has had some things easier, understanding connections or correlations; and some things harder, like this toxic thinking. But instead of that I might be circling over something else if I wasn't over-analyzing.

I think the confronting part does help because you become more aware of what's going on, otherwise you are almost at the mercy of whatever pattern you are following. The biggest "wow" or almost relief was reading about other people with similar thoughts and problems. Of course I wouldn't have doubted there are others out there before - but reading about it and in detail, how someone else says things you have felt or thought 100% the same, was an interesting and calming experience. Like FINALLY someone gets it.

Re: Being Suicidal: What it feels like to want to kill yourself

#95

Post by orionblastar »

smosher wrote: post #93
orionblastar wrote: post #92

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thanks friend, good to hear from you again. I hope Mike Crawford gets out of jail, he did some 911 phone calls and bragged about it on K5 and then crashed Hacker Dojo and other startup events. Here is a musical mix of his 911 tape: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7RglDs2DkA It has the Crawford Cats in it as well. Crawford sees himself as a hacktivist and has been suicidal in the past. Here are some of the things that…

I remember a lot of mental illness and suicidal folks. Many were people I had good conversations with. A lot of the time it felt like family.

Yes but the trolls chased us/them all away from K5.
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