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Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

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Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#91

Post by spott »

em-bee wrote: post #81
theresistor wrote: post #23

My observation of couples with split finances (my wife and I merged ours long ago) is that it doesn’t seem to prevent the kind of problems it nominally solves, and adds extra stress to the mix. If you are married to someone whose financial decisions you are incompatible with, there’s no escaping the fact that you’re going to be impacted by those decisions one way or another no matter what. Hiding them in a for-his/he…

split finances doesn’t seem to prevent the kind of problems it nominally solves nor does it create them. my wife and i have separate bank accounts but we don't have a trust issue. payments are made by whoever is doing it from their account. if an account is low on money we just move some without any regards as to whose money it is or who earned it.

So you have two shared accounts instead of one?

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#92

Post by em-bee »

for_i_in_range wrote: post #3

How about each agreeing to contribute to a joint checking account per month. Like $5K each per month to the joint account. For those of us who own our own business or are self-employed, my business account is mine, and my partner's business account is hers.

well in my understanding it is advisable to keep business accounts separate from personal accounts in any case. business expenses are made from the business account and personal expenses from the personal account. only income moves from the business account onto the personal account.

if you and your wife both have their own business, then those of course should be separate from each other. you can still have a shared personal account if you like or not. that's completely unrelated.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#93

Post by ke88y »

civilized wrote: post #79
tw04 wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In theory, sure. In practice literally every person I know with singular checking accounts has to check in when making any purchase more expensive than a tank of gas and expect the same from their significant other.

Why is this necessary?

For most people it's because they live paycheck-to-paycheck, at least after things like 401(K) contributions.

Of course if you are lucky enough to have $30K+ coming in per month and your necessary monthly bills are closer to $5K then budgeting and tracking spending out of the checking account is wildly unnecessary.

But if you have say $5K-$6K coming in each month and $4K of that goes to necessary monthly bills then checking in for anything more expensive than a tank of gas ($60 or so) starts to become necessary.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#94

Post by ndriscoll »

tw04 wrote: post #36
dugmartin wrote: post #5

I don't understand couples that keep separate finances. When you get married its "we" and not "me". It seems like keeping one foot out the door. Note: I've been married for 23 years with everything tracked in joint accounts the entire time but we do have a small "fun money" monthly budget item for each of us that is a black box.

Because joint accounts have always seemed weird and controlling to me? I don’t want my wife to have to “check in” when she wants to buy something. She can spend her money on whatever she wants. We split the bills according to our income (more or less) and discuss saving more when we know larger expenses like a trip or home improvements are on the horizon. I don’t need access to her checking accounts or credit cards b…

Interestingly enough, your reasoning is why we share accounts. I'm the sole income earner, so it would seem controlling to me if my wife had an "allowance". I'd presumably still feel that way if she worked outside the home but we had an income (or spending) disparity; it's all our money (both in how we treat it and, if it came down to it, how the law sees it) and we can both use our judgement on whether to buy something. We both have access to everything because we trust each other to be financially responsible.

We still generally talk to each other about anything over a few hundred dollars, but it's more like asking your friend to reassure you because you're not sure if it's worth it. You just want someone to say "dude you've been asking if you should buy X for months just buy it".

It does help that she hates clutter and I think everything is a ripoff so neither of us does much frivolous spending. Also I bring in far more than we need and it almost all goes to savings anyway.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#95

Post by silisili »

em-bee wrote: post #81
theresistor wrote: post #23

My observation of couples with split finances (my wife and I merged ours long ago) is that it doesn’t seem to prevent the kind of problems it nominally solves, and adds extra stress to the mix. If you are married to someone whose financial decisions you are incompatible with, there’s no escaping the fact that you’re going to be impacted by those decisions one way or another no matter what. Hiding them in a for-his/he…

split finances doesn’t seem to prevent the kind of problems it nominally solves nor does it create them. my wife and i have separate bank accounts but we don't have a trust issue. payments are made by whoever is doing it from their account. if an account is low on money we just move some without any regards as to whose money it is or who earned it.

Same. My wife doesn't work but often sells goods or something and gets money via paypal. She likes one bank app, I like another, for starters.

We put all actual spending on credit cards, that I pay off each month from mine. So this isn't like an allowance based thing.

Sometimes she needs cash or to write a check, instant transfer. We don't go snooping through each others records, surprises are nice sometimes :).

I don't see at all what joint could add here. I'm very particular about checking accounts after getting overdraft scarred as a teen like most people my age. I also invest rather aggressively so don't want too much money sitting idle. It becomes much harder to do if we joined accounts, one surprise forgotten about check or draft could cause the house payment to fail, for example.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#96

Post by sooheon »

scarface_74 wrote: post #83
civilized wrote: post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are you under the impression that joint accounts require both partners to consent to a transaction?

It does just for logistics. If we have $1000 in our joint account and we both spend $600 without talking to the other, it’s going to overdraft. On the other hand, if we both have our “own” account even if they are really joint accounts, that’s not a problem. My wife doesn’t work now. I put money into “her” account every pay period based on what we agreed on - and to make her whole once I “retired” her. She has access…

> I put money into “her” account every pay period based on what we agreed on

She can continue to spend the amount you guys have agreed on from a joint account.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#97

Post by em-bee »

spott wrote: post #91
em-bee wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

split finances doesn’t seem to prevent the kind of problems it nominally solves nor does it create them. my wife and i have separate bank accounts but we don't have a trust issue. payments are made by whoever is doing it from their account. if an account is low on money we just move some without any regards as to whose money it is or who earned it.

So you have two shared accounts instead of one?

pretty much, yes, see https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=36766676

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#98

Post by scarface_74 »

ryandrake wrote: post #54
dugmartin wrote: post #5

I don't understand couples that keep separate finances. When you get married its "we" and not "me". It seems like keeping one foot out the door. Note: I've been married for 23 years with everything tracked in joint accounts the entire time but we do have a small "fun money" monthly budget item for each of us that is a black box.

It just sounds like so much extra work. Transfer $X on date Y for Z bill, repeat for both partners x each bill. Good grief! Then, how do you avoid the strife over "personal" spending when one spouse makes much more than the other? I can buy a Porsche for myself because my salary is large, but my partner has to make do with a bicycle because she works at a non-profit? How do vacations and other shared things get paid…

> Then, how do you avoid the strife over "personal" spending when one spouse makes much more than the other?

When I married my wife she was making $35K and I was making $90K in 2012. By 2020, at 46 and 44, I “retired her”. She was making $25K and I was making $200K+.

The entire time, it’s always been the same, we have separate joint accounts and her money goes into “her” account and “my” money goes into my account. They are all both joint accounts and I made sure she had enough to cover her expenses and spending money. Off and on throughout the years, she carried health insurance for the family that took a big chunk of her check and her car note came out of her check.

I only spend out of my account and the same for hers.

> Then, how do you avoid the strife over "personal" spending when one spouse makes much more than the other.

This is both of our second marriages. Neither one of us are extravagant spenders and we talk about all major decisions.

While we were 35 and 37 when we got married, we were both basically starting over. Her from a previous divorce and me from a previous divorce and being over leveraged with real estate post 2008.

> How do vacations and other shared things get paid for? Equally? proportionally? I could see a fight happening in each of those systems.

While we had separate accounts, everything went into one virtual “pot” on a spreadsheet and I made sure she had her agreed upon amount of spending money every pay period after “her” bills came out of her check. Vacations were subtracted from the pot.

> What if one spouse decides to stop working? You pretty much have to switch to a single, joint account at that point, right?

Nope see above

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#99

Post by sooheon »

jncfhnb wrote: post #70
itsmemattchung wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Issues can be categorized into three buckets: my challenges, her challenges, shared challenges. We're working through many of these with our couple's therapist but here's the gist: 1. When wife would spend beyond our defined budget, I would get angry (stemming from fear) and let that boil inside without ever communicating it verbally 2. When wife and I decided for her to quit her job to parent our first daughter full…

I don’t understand how you can write (1) and not perceive it as an easily solved communication problem with your own wife

Lots of things about human emotion are dumb but understandable, especially re: money.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#100

Post by em-bee »

jncfhnb wrote: post #70
itsmemattchung wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Issues can be categorized into three buckets: my challenges, her challenges, shared challenges. We're working through many of these with our couple's therapist but here's the gist: 1. When wife would spend beyond our defined budget, I would get angry (stemming from fear) and let that boil inside without ever communicating it verbally 2. When wife and I decided for her to quit her job to parent our first daughter full…

I don’t understand how you can write (1) and not perceive it as an easily solved communication problem with your own wife

because of point 3. for example my wife didn't like me doing detailed accounting of all of our expenses do i had to stop that. she hasn't spent to much money so that issue didn't come up but i can imagine it being a problem to tell your partner they spend to much if the partner is sensitive about that.
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