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Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

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Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#21

Post by pseudosavant »

itsmemattchung wrote: post #2

Wife and I have been together for 8+ years and finances is still the #1 area we struggle with (more than sex, more than children), an area we are actively working on improving. When we first had our hiccups, someone suggested we divide our finances as such: - A shared account (shared expenses) - An account (for my eyes only; buy whatever - no questions asked) - An account (for her eyes only; buy whatever - no questio…

Don't merge your accounts together. You have the right setup - accounts-wise. Changing it to joint likely won't solve issues, and untangling from joint is difficult.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#22

Post by whats_a_quasar »

DiggyJohnson wrote: post #6

Maybe I’m in a bubble, and this doesn’t take away from the value of researching the question, but whom does this surprise? The question of the purpose, value, and content of marriage is certainly in flux at the moment, but to me, a relatively cosmopolitan (currently) single young man, there is no topic the traditionally included are more correct about than marriage.

I once heard sociology research described as the field that proves with statistics what everyone knows with common sense

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#23

Post by theresistor »

My observation of couples with split finances (my wife and I merged ours long ago) is that it doesn’t seem to prevent the kind of problems it nominally solves, and adds extra stress to the mix.

If you are married to someone whose financial decisions you are incompatible with, there’s no escaping the fact that you’re going to be impacted by those decisions one way or another no matter what. Hiding them in a for-his/her-eyes-only account creates more stress because now you’re constantly worried about what invisible bad decisions they might be making that will impact you later.

It feels like a bandaid fix to the underlying problem of financial incompatibility, and that failing to address the root problem creates stress and challenges down the road.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#24

Post by [deleted] »

dugmartin wrote: post #5

I don't understand couples that keep separate finances. When you get married its "we" and not "me". It seems like keeping one foot out the door. Note: I've been married for 23 years with everything tracked in joint accounts the entire time but we do have a small "fun money" monthly budget item for each of us that is a black box.

[deleted]

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#25

Post by mulmen »

jrm4 wrote: post #15

Seems obvious. Though, I think a lot of people here think the takeaway is "if you're in a relationship and you do separate now, you'll be happier if you put them together" and NO NO NO that's not it at all. It's "if y'all were already the type to put them together, you're probably happier than the types who didn't."

Correlation doesn’t imply causation and if there is correlation it doesn’t imply the direction.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#26

Post by nxx788 »

smabie wrote: post #18
dugmartin wrote: post #5

I don't understand couples that keep separate finances. When you get married its "we" and not "me". It seems like keeping one foot out the door. Note: I've been married for 23 years with everything tracked in joint accounts the entire time but we do have a small "fun money" monthly budget item for each of us that is a black box.

What if one person has significantly more money than the other person? Prenups exist for a reason

In many places, you don't. Washington State all property is 50/50. Half my income is my wife's, even though I make 800k and she makes nothing.

I dunno, the idea that you are willing to make a commitment to someone for the rest of your life but also try to hold back money from them is so alien.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#28

Post by itsmemattchung »

dryanau wrote: post #12
itsmemattchung wrote: post #2

Wife and I have been together for 8+ years and finances is still the #1 area we struggle with (more than sex, more than children), an area we are actively working on improving. When we first had our hiccups, someone suggested we divide our finances as such: - A shared account (shared expenses) - An account (for my eyes only; buy whatever - no questions asked) - An account (for her eyes only; buy whatever - no questio…

May I ask what specifically some of the issues have been? I know it's digging into a personal area so feel free to ignore this, but I'm curious what kind of issues can arise.

Issues can be categorized into three buckets: my challenges, her challenges, shared challenges. We're working through many of these with our couple's therapist but here's the gist:

  1. When wife would spend beyond our defined budget, I would get angry (stemming from fear) and let that boil inside without ever communicating it verbally

  2. When wife and I decided for her to quit her job to parent our first daughter full time, initially was elated and then I felt a financial pressure I've never experienced before

  3. Wife had a domestically violent partner before and interprets budgeting as controlling behavior
Full disclosure: lots of vulnerability factors for the both of us. I grew up poor and although I have money now, there's lots of emotions tied to finances.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#29

Post by [deleted] »

dugmartin wrote: post #5

I don't understand couples that keep separate finances. When you get married its "we" and not "me". It seems like keeping one foot out the door. Note: I've been married for 23 years with everything tracked in joint accounts the entire time but we do have a small "fun money" monthly budget item for each of us that is a black box.

[deleted]

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#30

Post by detourdog »

dryanau wrote: post #12
itsmemattchung wrote: post #2

Wife and I have been together for 8+ years and finances is still the #1 area we struggle with (more than sex, more than children), an area we are actively working on improving. When we first had our hiccups, someone suggested we divide our finances as such: - A shared account (shared expenses) - An account (for my eyes only; buy whatever - no questions asked) - An account (for her eyes only; buy whatever - no questio…

May I ask what specifically some of the issues have been? I know it's digging into a personal area so feel free to ignore this, but I'm curious what kind of issues can arise.

We do as the above and I think it is the only thing that makes sense for us. The problem we have is too much is not enough for some. They don't need to spend they need to horde. It causes problems and I think it is actually some other need that is poorly expressed. Never underestimate the ability to have problems in relationships.
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