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How to Make a Big Decision

nytimes.com

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Re: How to Make a Big Decision

#91

Post by spacehome »

jmalicki wrote: post #47
spacehome wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is that really your takeaway from the paper? It depends on what the change is. Look more closely at the sixth column of Table 3 in your linked paper. If the question is "Should I get engaged?" or "Should I have kids?", the facts are in, and the answer is no. You can't just say a blanket statement that all change is to the good.

With standard errors much larger than the estimate, I.e. indistinguishable from zero.

That's a fair point. But I don't think you can use this paper as evidence to make a big change when the issue is marriage or kids, as jedberg did.

Re: How to Make a Big Decision

#92

Post by lazyant »

jedberg wrote: post #4

The Freakonomics guys did a paper on this. Basically, their conclusion was just do it, make the big change. Their experiment was based on coin flips and self-reported happiness, but basically those who made the big change after the coin told them to reported being substantially happier, and if you dive into the data, you'll see that those that went with the biggest decisions (quit a job, get married) saw a double dig…

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/70912.The_Dice_Man

Re: How to Make a Big Decision

#93

Post by q-base »

ivankirigin wrote: post #88
teabee89 wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Interesting WaitButWhy, but in my opinion, the real big decision is about children, not marriage. The difference of responsibility is light years apart. Marriage can be undone.

Kids and money are the biggest reasons for divorce. Get on the same page about both while you're dating. If someone can't handle an open conversation, they won't make a good partner.

Could you elaborate on the open conversation?

Re: How to Make a Big Decision

#94

Post by mercer »

emodendroket wrote: post #57
bopbop wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's an excellent quote, thank you. Having said that, my take on that quote is that it seems a bit of a cop out - a way of absolving oneself of the consequences of ones actions. You may well regret both, but perhaps you will also enjoy one, or you will regret one less, or regret one more, or one has ramifications which due to your (hypothetical) selfish nature you may regret but are better for society, etc etc etc.…

Most of us end up constructing a narrative where whatever choices we made were the right ones, unless they go so disastrously wrong that we can't fool ourselves. So why agonize so much?

I think that's true, but only part of the time, and very dependent on context.

Many, if not most people also experience periods where narrative is negative, and where we conclude that the choices we made were all the wrong ones. And quite likely most of us live with a combination of the two, depending on what area of life this 'narrative' occupies, depending on how much our self-respect or self-hatred is tied up with these areas, etc.

The core problem, I think, is not primarily that we construct all sorts of highly subjective, distorted, self-serving or self-harming narratives, but that we get too attached to them and desire these narratives to be consistent.

On the other hand I've met people (few of them though) who don't seem to have this desire to construct and maintain narratives, and while they do generally seem to live happier lives, some of them are perhaps a bit too lacking in introspection/narration and suffer from that.

Re: How to Make a Big Decision

#95

Post by hohenheim »

aedron wrote: post #26

I know people here aren't big on religion, but just as a perspective (no worse than Jeff Bezos I guess): In Islam there is a certain prayer you are supposed to say before making a big decision. You ask God's guidance for it, that you'll do what's good for you in this life and the next, and so on. The funny thing is that when you do that, you almost always make up your mind immediately. It's like deep down you already…

And if your decision was a failure you accept it as God's will. If you succeed you accept it as God's blessing. It is hard to imagine if there was an actual decision making and postmortem in play.

Re: How to Make a Big Decision

#96

Post by 76 »

taneq wrote: post #17
jedberg wrote: post #4

The Freakonomics guys did a paper on this. Basically, their conclusion was just do it, make the big change. Their experiment was based on coin flips and self-reported happiness, but basically those who made the big change after the coin told them to reported being substantially happier, and if you dive into the data, you'll see that those that went with the biggest decisions (quit a job, get married) saw a double dig…

> Basically, their conclusion was just do it, make the big change. Either just do it, or just don't do it. Don't sit on the fence. None of life's decisions (save maybe jumping off a bridge) are anywhere near as irreversible as they seem when we're facing them, no matter what we choose, and the worst thing is to remain paralyzed and let both opportunities pass you by.

>None of life's decisions (save maybe jumping off a bridge) are anywhere near as irreversible

and making children

Re: How to Make a Big Decision

#97

Post by sjg007 »

q-base wrote: post #93
ivankirigin wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Kids and money are the biggest reasons for divorce. Get on the same page about both while you're dating. If someone can't handle an open conversation, they won't make a good partner.

Could you elaborate on the open conversation?

Probably means an open and honest conversation. Question vis-a-vi: Do you want kids? If we can't have kids without IVF do we do it? If IVF with our own gametes fails do we use donors? What if we cannot afford it? Do we adopt? Will you be an equally contributing parent? How will we raise them? Religion? Vaccines? Education.. All those things... It's a lot to parse. Expectations of parenthood.
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