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Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

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Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#91

Post by sathackr »

ausjke wrote: post #47
sathackr wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We use sophos UTM. It's free for personal use and works about as good as it can work. It filters based on site category and does SSL interception. We have a VPN on the mobile devices that funnels all traffic through the home network so that it is monitored and protected no matter where they are.

Are you saying when you're out all your 4G traffic are still re-routed to home network via VPN? what about they just disable VPN app on the mobile device?

yes -- that's what I'm saying.

They could disable the VPN, it's not a bulletproof solution, but good enough, for now.

I agree it wouldn't work for all children in all situations, but it works for us for now.

I'm not trying to 100% block access, I'm just trying to make things a little more difficult.

Kind of like when people put a tiny padlock on their suitcase. It's not going to stop a determined person with wire/bolt cutters, but it's going to stop the curious person who might just take a look and grab something.

Sure, he could go to a friends house and use their computer. I can't stop everything, but I can at least reduce the influence, possibly prevent a pop-up or something from giving that little nudge towards temptation.

An open pile of cash on the ground is far more tempting than a safe full of cash on the ground.

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#92

Post by kristofferR »

martin1b wrote: post #84

Speaking as a father of a large family ranging from 1 year to 14 years, to understand the child and their weaknesses and exposing them to the child at the appropriate time is paramount. When a toddler looks in the cabinet for toys and finds poison, we find that as an issue. So, we put the poison up, and/or install a lock. The same goes for the dangers of teens. They aren't ready for some things of internet, including…

> We don't need a formalized study to see what access to porn can do to a person. It's been documented many times.

That's extremely dubious. Teenagers aren't being harmed by seing people having sex, they're mostly being harmed from being sheltered from it.

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#93

Post by XorNot »

Rotdhizon wrote: post #56

You have to strike a balance between being a worried parent, and letting your child experience individual freedom. Parents who go out of their to make sure their kids know every single action they make is monitored will absolutely drive a wedge between them. It's not a bad idea to install location monitoring apps, but going as far as reading every communication your child makes to peers or knowing every single websit…

I would genuinely pay Pornhub to provide a curated selection. The value in having the type of pornography teenagers find being biased slightly towards say, the X-Rated sex ed content and dropping a lot of the outright sexist stuff way down the list, would probably be one of the most effective sex ed tools that could be provided.

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#94

Post by moate »

When I was coming up in the early 2000's, I met a girl at a concert that I liked. We started talking online, and she told me at the beginning that her parents had a keystroke monitor on her computer. Being a little baby hacker, I went online to find the best ways to circumvent the software she had. I told her how to do it, and one saturday while I was still in bed I got a phone call from her dad about how she was no longer allowed to talk to me.

Turning from Dad into Big Brother probably didn't help this girl develop proper social skills. She chaffed under the yoke of this monitoring, and seemed like she had an antagonistic relationship with her parents. They weren't pushing her towards becoming an inherently good person, just towards hiding her bad behavior from them. Your goal as a parent should be to create and foster good behavior from your children, not teaching them to hide the choices they know you won't agree with.

FWIW, my parents put 0 effort into monitoring my online behavior, I made TONS of mistakes/did bad things online until my mid-20s, and I'm now happily married, well employed and generally well liked by people I know.

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#95

Post by HarryHirsch »

nickthegreek wrote: post #6

When I was a young boy in the 90s, my libertarian aligned father let me use the computer and access the internet. He explained to me that I shouldn't visit certain type of sites, I should never give out my name or address and that he had software installed to monitor what happened on the computer. He explained that this wasn't a breach of trust between us as I was using his equipment and that I had to abide by his ru…

that he had software installed to monitor what happened on the computer. He explained that this wasn't a breach of trust between us as I was using his equipment and that I had to abide by his rules.

You do wonder: if the kid was 12 or 14 and bought himself a cheap smartphone from his own money to get away from the parental monitoring apps, would the "libertarian aligned father" be OK with that?

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#96

Post by jessaustin »

Someone1234 wrote: post #72
erispoe wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm curious, what do you think is the right age to give full access?

After they've gone through puberty and we've talked about difficult topics like safe sex. A lot of filters cannot help but block access to USEFUL sex ed information while aggressively trying to limit pornography access. While I'd prefer they limit their porn access as a teenager, plenty of well adjusted people didn't and came out fine. I am far more concerned about "sexting" (and having it shared around at school/use…

A lot of this seems so much later than I would expect. My parents discussed most of this stuff with my siblings and me at like five years old. What happened? 3/4 happily married, the fourth engaged. No STDs, no rapes, no children out of wedlock.

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#97

Post by Mononokay »

danaris wrote: post #83
Mononokay wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It might just be a generational thing, but how stupid do you think ten year olds are? It's silly to think that even an eight year old is as naive as you're describing - you should just tell your child what he shouldn't do, and let him go on those guidelines.

I think most eight- or ten-year-olds of my acquaintance (present or former) would, if simply told, "Don't do X," be strongly inclined to immediately go out and do X. If, however, they were told, "It's not a good idea to do X, because Y," they'd be much more likely to think twice about it.

That's what I was meaning, yeah.

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#98

Post by throwaway84742 »

rainbowmverse wrote: post #59
throwaway84742 wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m ok with that. At least it’s better than “YouTube watcher”, or “Minecraft player”.

A proactive approach might get better results than a prohibitive one. Minecraft modding and making Minecraft videos seems like an obvious route for this given the interest.

I take it you are not a parent. Or at least a parent of a more compliant child.

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#99

Post by circlefavshape »

ceejayoz wrote: post #86
Veelox wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Would you really let your 10 year old watch porn?

Would your 10 year old really watch porn?

+1

To someone without a sex drive, porn is yucky and boring

Re: Teen monitoring apps don't work, and drive a wedge between teens and parents

#100

Post by throwaway84742 »

creep wrote: post #71
asaph wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What would you have done at his age? Would you have done your homework promptly or played video games first? Did you ever skip your homework altogether? Be honest.

If I was born just five or so years later, I'd be that guy's kid. My mother didn't know how to discipline me. She would try and then I would convince her to give up. She never put any controls on anything I did-- consequently, I didn't learn what life could be like with those controls in place. Parenting is mostly a guessing game, but I honestly believe that no matter what, one has to teach discipline in some form or…

>> Your kid will veg out

That is 100% true. I don’t want my kid living under a bridge when robots take over all the burger flipping jobs.

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